I'll Still Love You
by TragedyIsTheirs
Summary: Life is hard and full of surprises; it's even harder being gay in a boy band. People accept and hate. True love is tested. This is the story of how Kendall and Logan survive together, one step at a time. Rated M for later chapters. KOGAN Showverse.
1. Chapter 1

**Thanks for reading! This is my first Kogan story, but I hope I did the Kogan Fandom justice! I appreciate reviews!**

**Oh, if there is an "i" missing in my text, I apologize. On my keyboard, the "i" acts up.**

**Title comes from the song "Intermission" by Big Time Rush.**

**I do not own anything related to Big Time Rush. Because, honey, if I did, there would be no need for fanfiction! It'd be the script!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

"Ah!"

"Oh my God!"

Logan hastily slammed the bathroom door and ran to their shared room. When he got there, he collapsed onto his bed. After a moment, he let out a shaky breath. What the hell just happened?

In Apartment 2J, there were four bedrooms and two bathrooms. James and Carlos shared one, Kendall and Logan shared one, and Mrs. Knight and Katie got their own. The boys had one bathroom and the girls had the other. As you could guess, the girl's bathroom was clean. The boy's was not. But that wasn't the problem here.

Logan had thought that he was the only one home that was awake. James and Carlos were down at the pool. Mrs. Knight and Katie were at a movie. And Kendall… after hours of moping on the vibrant orange couch, he had moved to their bedroom, locking Logan out.

Jo had left for New Zealand yesterday.

The moment the boys had left the airport, Kendall was silent. When they had gotten back to the Palm Woods, Kendall had slowly migrated to the couch and stayed there for quite a while. Then he had moved to the shared bedroom when the guys tried talking to him. Mrs. Knight tried too, but she knew her son. He would talk when he was ready.

So, Logan had been locked out since yesterday evening. James and Carlos thought that this was unfair, and told Logan he could sleep in their room. Logan had said no, he'd sleep on the couch. Maybe Kendall would let him in later.

At about 9 p.m. Logan had tried again to get in. He leaned against the door, listening. His heart broke when he heard the soft sobs. Logan would never admit it out loud, but he loved his best friend. He had contemplated these feelings for a long time. Logan always clung on to Kendall back in Minnesota, but he didn't realize he was gay until high school. When they became a band, he had bottled up those feelings. How could he be a role model to little children if he were gay?

Logan's father, Jeremy, was homophobic, not that it mattered. His parents had gotten a divorce when he was real young. He only talked to his father on occasion.

And, the icing on this pain cake, Kendall was definitely straight. He and Jo had been dating for a long time. They were still technically dating, even though everyone knew that wouldn't last. If Logan told him that he had deep feelings for him… He couldn't even think of the horror.

Plus, he had Camille. Just because he had no feelings for her, that didn't mean he could break her heart. Logan hated leading her on, but it was the perfect cover-up.

The brunette slid down the door, holding his knees. He had fallen asleep like that. After a while, he had woken up, sore from the position. That's when he had moved to the couch.

All next day, Kendall had stayed in the room. Logan remained in the apartment while everyone else moved on. They had given up trying to comfort him.

That night, Logan tried reading his book, but he just couldn't get into it. That was a problem. He kept drifting in and out of sleep, but thoughts of Kendall heart-broken kept floating to his mind. So, he had gotten up to go to the bathroom. The door had been slightly open and the lights were on. He had muttered something like "damn it, Carlos, turn the light off next time…" He had opened the door, undoing his fly.

And that's when Logan saw Kendall in his full, naked glory.

That wasn't the first time Logan had seen Kendall naked. The guys changed in front of each other all of the time. But this was different. Kendall was glistening from the warm water. His hair was straight and dark. Years of suppressing his feelings for this boy went out the window. Logan stood there for a moment before the blond noticed that the door was fully opened.

"Ah!" the naked boy yelled in shock, scrabbling for a towel.

"Oh my God!" Logan yelled back, slamming the door.

After Logan replayed what just happened in his head, his checks burned red. How could he stare at Kendall like that? Surely his best friend would find out for sure what was going on. Then what? This was exactly why he had made sure these feelings would never resurface. Great, now he was a failure. How could this have a happy ending?

Logan's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening slowly. Kendall walked in, covered with a towel. Logan pretended to be asleep, although fully clothed.

"Logan?" Kendall whispered. When Logan didn't dare to respond, Kendall started to put his pajamas on.

Logan couldn't help but look. He mentally scolded himself for staring for the second time in 5 minutes. He shouldn't be looking at a person clearly still in pain from his heartbreak, and in shock after what just occurred. But at that point, he couldn't look away. These stares weren't just in affection, but also in awe. Kendall was perfect in Logan's mind. His body was slender and tall. The locks of his hair were all messed up from the good-turned-bad shower.

Stop it! Logan shouted at himself. This will never turn into anything!

Kendall turned around, making Logan shut his eyes. He listened to his crush's movement. Silence dominated for a single moment before a sob shattered it.

They were soft at first, barely there. Then they expressed the pain that the blond was going through.

With that, Logan got up; he couldn't take it anymore. Gradually, he walked over to the bed.

"Shh, Kendall, it's okay…"

The blond looked up at him, those green orbs sparkling. "How can it be okay?" he questioned softly. Then he collapsed into Logan's arms.

Logan had only ever seen Kendall breakdown a handful of times. He was also quite sure that Kendall only showed Logan these times of weakness. Kendall was the fearless leader who picked people up when they were down. Kendall always had a plan. Kendall always knew what to do and how to fix a bad situation.

The last time Logan saw Kendall like this was the hardest.

Logan started to remember those bittersweet memories when Kendall pulled him even closer.

"Logan, I'm a horrible person…" Kendall said into Logan's shoulder.

This statement confused the brunette. He pulled his crush's face to his own. "No, you're not. You're the best person I know. You're practically perfect!"

Kendall looked away, arms still wrapped around his best friend. "I'm far from perfect." He got off the boy and pushed himself to the other side of the bed. "I'm a monster."

Logan was silent. What could Kendall have possibly done to make him think that? It must be horrendous. Not wanting to ask, they sat in the dark silence for a moment.

Finally, Kendall mumbled, "Jo and I were never together. It was all a lie."

Logan gaped at the speaker, eyes wide. He quickly shut his mouth, trying not to discourage Kendall from talking.

Talking with his head down, Kendall started again. "Jo was a cover-up. We've been pretending to date this whole time. I used her. She let me use her! Dating would look good for both of us. I was dating an actress, she was dating a singer. It was perfect! Well, it was until she took that job in New Zealand…"

The genius stayed inaudible while gathering his thoughts. "You two weren't really dating? All those dates, all those kisses, were a lie?" Logan gasped, "You said you two had sex!" Swiftly, he put his hand over his mouth. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be rude. But you said…?"

"I made all of that up. We started out just staying in her apartment and talking. Then she started seeing this guy, Mason. So when we'd go somewhere, I hung back while they got to know each other. Mason got the lead role in _Chauncey Jackson & the Magic Gallows_. He's the reason Jo got her part."

"Wait, I'm confused. Why pretend to date her? You said it looks good, but that can't be the only reason." A short pause, then, "why are you so upset if you didn't love her?" Logan bit his lip. Kendall looked distraught and embarrassed. "I'm sorry, sometimes I'm insensitive when I'm analyzing."

"No," Kendall stated, attempting to smile, "you have a right to know. I lied straight to your face."

He tried working up to it, looking away from the older boy. Logan sat there, waiting as patiently as he could. Horrible things were running through his head. Why would he pretend? Had Kendall been doing drugs? Did he owe her money?

He cleared his throat. "Well, Mostly I'm pretending to be upset. But part of me is that distressed. She was the perfect plot to keep the real me from coming out."

Logan did a double take. "Kendall, I've known you since 3rd grade. Who's the real you?"

The blond turned his whole body away. After a moment he breathed, "Logan, I'm gay."

More silence.

"Kendall, that's it? I mean, I did not see that coming, but…"

The distraught man glared, tears streaming. "That's it? That's it! You have no idea how hard it is to want something you can't have!"

"Well, actually, I-"

"Every day I see him and want to tell him how I feel, but I can't! You have no idea…"

Logan stayed there, not knowing what to say. Kendall had just described how _he_ felt about the blond. Maybe now was a good time to share his confession.

Kendall started to get off of the bed, but Logan grabbed his arm. He pulled him in close as his own eyes started to water.

"Kendall, I'm gay, too."

The green eyes looked up at his own chocolate brown. "Really? I never saw that…"

"Yeah," Logan breathed out, "you're the first person I've told."

Kendall's eyes still sparkled. "Only Jo and Mason know."

This time, the silence was broken with laughter. "So you're also using someone as a cover-up? And you're scolding _me_ about it? Maybe we're both insane."

Logan looked away. "No, I'm worse. Camille doesn't know. I feel terrible, but it makes no one suspect."

Kendall nodded into his shoulder. "How long have you known?"

The brunette stopped breathing. Should he tell him? But Kendall just mentioned something about liking another guy. If he liked Logan he would have said something. So, he answered vaguely, "back in Minnesota. I had a crush on someone in high school."

"Aw!" Kendall replied, "Did you ever tell him?"

Logan shook his head no, laughing over the irony in his head. "It would have been too complicated."

Kendall knew exactly what he meant. Realizing his best friend understood him, his face lit up.

The two still clung to each other like their bodies were life support. They needed each other, even though right now they seemed content just knowing they were the same. Or maybe they were too scared of what would happen next. Time flew by lying there, listening to the beatings of their hearts. But after a while, that wasn't enough.

This malicious question was gnawing at Logan's stomach. In the darkness, he whispered, "So what about the person you were talking about earlier?"

Kendall chuckled. "Logie…"

He smiled at his old nickname. "Yes, Kendall?"

Before any more words were spoken, Kendall pulled Logan's lips to his own.

Logan froze, mind blank. Then he slowly relaxed, letting the rhythm sync in. They were both entering new territory. Both were experienced kissers, but only with females. Kissing Kendall was different – in a good way.

Kendall smiled in between kisses. "Logan, it's you. It was always you."

That's when things got heated. Kendall grazed his tongue around the bottom of Logan's lip, sending shivers down both of their spines. Hands started roaming.

Soon, Kendall was straddling the older boy, fighting for dominance. Logan let him win, lost in his own mind. He felt the pressure in his pants, throbbing with every kiss, every move. But when Kendall started taking off his shirt, Logan froze.

"Kendall, stop. Please."

Silently, they shared one more kiss before Kendall got off of the genius.

Logan started to climb off of the bed, but Kendall stopped hm. "Sleep with me," he murmured.

The brunette smiled. "I was planning on it."

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed! Chapter 2 will be up sometime this week!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2! I feel accomplished! Chapter 2 is mostly fluff and filler, but it sets up Chapter 3 nicely. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything involved with Big Time Rush... *sigh***

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

Kendall Knight woke up in a daze. Slowly, last night's events came back to his memory. His arms were wrapped around the still sleeping brunette. A sigh came out of the blonde's mouth with a smile. His biggest dream, his biggest fantasy, had come true last night – he had told his crush of his feelings. And his crush liked him back.

Smiling impossibly wider, he closed his eyes. He tucked his head back under Logan's neck. His breathing was calm and slow. He could not believe this was happening. Every night, he would look over at the other bed, at the other boy, and hope something would happen. Now it was true and it was more magical than he had ever thought possible. Everything he wanted was right here. He wanted this moment to last forever.

_Knock, knock_

"Great," Kendall muttered, trying to unwrap his arms without waking the sleeping boy.

As he stumbled out of bed, Mama Knight knocked on the door again, and called, "Kendall? Honey, are you up?"

He opened the door, yet blocked the view into their room. "Morning mom."

She stood back, surprised by her son's presence. "Morning. Kendall, did you let Logan in there last night?"

The blond slightly smiled. "Yeah, he's still sleeping."

"Well good. It was rude of you to lock him out like that, even though you're hurting."

"Yeah, I know… I said sorry. He understood," He said sheepishly.

His mom nodded. "Are you okay?" she asked with concern. She didn't want to push her son, but she was worried.

"Yeah, I'm doing better," Kendall relied with honesty.

"That's good. I love you," she said, reaching out her arm to touch him. "Now go get ready. You boys have a long day ahead of you."

As she walked away, Kendall quickly shut the door. Now he would have to wake up the sleeping genius.

They always woke each other up, with pillows or other tomfoolery. Now things were different. Kendall didn't know what that meant yet, but he enjoyed the possibilities.

The sleeping boy looked so peaceful, so calm. Logan always had something to worry about: school, his singing, his dancing, his sexual orientation being discovered. But, in his sleep, he appeared to not have a care in the world.

Kendall knelt beside the bed, face leaning in. "Logie…"

The brunette didn't budge.

Kendall gently rubbed his shoulder, uncovered by the blanket. "Come on, Logie, you gotta get up…"

Logan's eyes fluttered and mumbled something inaudible.

Kendall rubbed a little harder, his face closer. "Wake up, Logie. We're in the studio all day today."

Logan groaned, eyes still shut. He started to get up, not realizing that Kendall's face was inches from his own. When his eyes fluttered open, he let out a yelp and jumped back. "Kendall, don't do that!"

The blond started to laugh, smiling again. "Morning!"

Logan got out of bed, smiling back. "Well, that was a better wakeup call than a pillow!"

Kendall pulled him close, wrapping him arms around the older boy's waist. He leaned in for a kiss, but Logan looked away.

"Kendall, stop. I need to know something right now," he whispered, still looking away.

"Anything, Logie," he replied.

Those chocolate brown eyes looked up at the blond. "What happens next? I can't just kiss you and not have it mean anything."

Kendall was taken back. "Logan, I really like you. You mean the world to me!"

The brunette sighed. "I know. I feel the same way. But I feel like we rushed right into something that we… didn't plan."

Kendall placed his hand on Logan's cheek. "You're right, we didn't plan this. That's because before last night, we were both in the closet."

Logan nodded, moving Kendall's palm with him. "I know. I just… I don't want to rush into anything. This would be my first real relationship-"

"Mine, too," Kendall interjected, moving his hand to Logan's neck.

"Okay. But what happens now? Is this even a relationship?" The brunette asked, eyes wide.

Kendall stared back at him. "Logie, I don't know what's going to happen. All I know is that we really like each other. And right now, that's all that matters."

At that moment, that was enough.

They leaned in to kiss when another knock interrupted. "Come on, boys! Breakfast is ready!"

Smiling, they kissed quickly, and then started to get ready for the long day.

The two boys walked out into the kitchen, the smell of eggs and bacon filling the apartment. Everyone else was already at the table. Kendall and Logan sat down next to each other, conveniently the only two seats left.

The room was silent. All eyes were on Kendall, including Logan's.

Kendall looked around, and then slowly reached for a piece of bacon. After he started chewing, the others started getting their food.

They sat in silence for a moment. Then, Katie blurted out, "Kendall, are you okay? We haven't seen you for at least a day, and now you seem fine."

"Katie!" Mama Knight scolded.

"What, mom? We were all thinking it!"

Their mom didn't argue. In fact, they all stared at him, waiting for a reply.

He spoke in a soft voice. "I'm okay. I'm better. I just... I needed to realize that she was leaving, and that I won't see her for three years. But I'm fine now." He cleared his throat. "I'm fine."

Unnoticed by his friends and family, he grabbed Logan's hand from under the table and intertwined their fingers. "I just needed to realize what my priorities are."

"Well, I'm glad honey," his mom said and went back to eating.

'I'm glad you're not depressed anymore," Carlos stated, "Because we were ready to force you down the swirly slide!"

Katie slapped his arm. "Don't tell him our plan!"

"Eat up! You boys have an hour before the limo's here," Mama Knight said, trying to derail this conversation before it went south.

No one argued and continued eating, making small talk. Kendall and Logan's hands were still intertwined. Logan's cheeks had a rosy hue to it, but only the blond noticed. He smiled at the blushing boy, causing Logan's face to flush even more.

Everyone was oblivious to this special moment. Katie and their mom were talking about an audition she had that day. James and Carlos were fighting over the last piece of bacon. The Latino pointed away and shouted, "Free hair products!" causing James to look away. Carlos grabbed the piece and threw it in his mouth. James tackled him, still trying to get it. But the two that were experiencing this feeling for the first time knew it was special.

Maybe secretly dating would be easy, Kendall thought to himself. But then, is that what he wanted? Right now, he wanted to share with his family and friends that he was truthfully happy, not seemingly lying. He hated keeping up this act. All he wanted at that moment was to tell everyone that he was gay, Logan was gay, and that they shared something special.

But he knew he couldn't. They were famous. Big Time Rush had an image to maintain. Most of their fan base were screaming little girls and screaming teenage girls. Half of Big Time Rush couldn't be gay. But it was.

Still, he could stop his pretend-moping and tell them, in all honesty, that he was happy. He knew they were worried about him. Kendall wasn't always the fearless leader. He had made it through, but not without the support of his loved ones.

He felt pressure on his hand, disrupting his thoughts, which was good because Kendall couldn't think about it anymore.

"You okay?" Logan mouthed.

Kendall nodded, squeezing back.

* * *

><p>The four band members ran through the Palm Woods down to the limo. Even though Gustavo pushed them to the edge sometimes, they always had an adventure at Rocque Records.<p>

Kendall got into the limo first, followed by Logan, then Carlos, then James. This was always the way they sat for things. In fact, Kendall and Logan were always next to each other in life. He had liked Logan since they lived in Minnesota, but he had buried those feelings. Turns out his subconscious still knew.

When they got the studio, Kelly was waiting outside. "He's in a _bad_ mood… So be nice."

Without asking why, the guys walked to the sound booth. Gustavo was staring at the board. "Dogs! 'Nothing Even Matters' from the top!"

Kendall's heart skipped a beat. When Gustavo had writer's block, they sometimes wrote the songs. Kendall wrote "Nothing Even Matters". Gustavo decided to use it because Kendall said he wrote it about Jo. It would boost both of their publicity.

Only, Kendall had written it for Logan, not Jo. The song described what he wanted with the brunette.

The music started.

"Cause the world stops, when I put my arms around you, around you, oh whoa," Kendall started.

"And nothing even matters; and nothing even matters," Logan sang back.

Logan started singing his verse, totally into it. Kendall had decided that Logan should get most of this song, arguing that he didn't get a lot of melody. Kendall pulled the songwriter's card, saying that sense he wrote it, he got to choose who sang what. But in all reality, he wanted to hear Logan sing it, as if back to him.

Kendall couldn't help but stare at him, mesmerized by his voice. He almost missed his lines.

"This wall we built together, there ain't no way of knocking it over. We'll be here forever, getting closer and closer, baby," sang Kendall, still looking back at Logan.

Through the rest of the song, they kept glancing at each other, almost missing lines and harmonies.

Soon, the song ended. Gustavo came through the microphone, looking as grumpy as ever. "Good job, Kendall. Logan, you need to sing with more passion."

Logan glanced at Kendall and blushed. "I can do that."

Kendall's eyes narrowed. "Now wait a minute!" He threw down his headphones. "That's the best Logan's ever sung in a really long time! You want him to do better than that?"

"Kendall, it's fine," Logan said, not wanting to start something.

"No, it's not fine! You were perfect! Gustavo's just being an idiot!"

James and Carlos looked around nervously, trying not to make eye contact with anyone.

"Oh, really? You think you could do all of this? I have five houses! I am amazing! And I say Logan needs to sing with more passion!" Gustavo yelled, getting redder by the second.

"Well, I wrote the song, Mr. _Amazing_-Producer-Man! And I say Logan sang fine!" Kendall retorted.

Gustavo screamed, actually shaking the building. "That's it! Because of Mr. Smartypants, we are having dancing boot camp! Nonstop dancing! _No_ breaks!" Gustavo pointed to the rehearsal room, and walked away.

The four guys walked to the room slowly. James and Carlos glared at Kendall, while Logan's blush turned a deeper hue.

Kendall just shrugged, stating, "I am right!" and determinedly marched into the rehearsal hall, determined not to let Gustavo get the best of him.

* * *

><p>The four guys walked into apartment 2J, holding sore limbs. They trudged to their separate shared rooms, slamming their doors behind them.<p>

Kendall and Logan got ready for bed in silence. Logan didn't know what to say to Kendall. He was thankful that he stood up for him, but he didn't need to. Logan needed to learn how to stand up for himself.

He stood in between the two beds, unsure of what to do. Kendall, already in his bed, looked at him expectantly. "You're welcome to… sleep with me…"

Logan climbed in, lying down next to him, face still flushed from today's events. "Kendall, you didn't have to..."

"No, Logie, I did." Kendall said, leaning closer to him.

"Thanks..." he mumbled, eyelids closing.

They fell asleep quickly, facing each other.


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is Chapter 3! Chapter 3 is longer, with some flashbacks on Kendall back in Minnesota. I keep hinting at this, but now you'll see why Kendall's family and friends are so worried about him! Enjoy the cliffhanger! Oh, and Happy New Year!**

* * *

><p>Kendall felt like a failure. He wanted to plan something really incredible for their first date. But when it came to Logan, he didn't know what to do. The blond had told him that he would cover all of the planning for Friday. Now Friday was here and Kendall was still struggling for ideas. He paced around the bedroom, biting his nails.<p>

They were finally going to have their first date. The two had tried countless times over the course of a month to go out on a real date. The problem was that their lives were crammed. They were working long days to finish Big Time Rush's second album, which was almost done. Then, Griffin sprung the whole "summer single that 'rules the world'" on them.

So after all of that, Gustavo gave them a well-deserved week off, Friday to Friday. The four members were ecstatic. Carlos and James devised a perfect schedule of playing videos and pool time. But the other two would finally get to be together.

Ever since that first night, their relationship had slowed down. Only small pecks here and there were shared. The only time they were completely alone was when they went to bed. And even then, the two were so exhausted to really have a meaningful conversation. Or do other things.

They slept in the same bed every night. They held hands under the table at almost every meal. This was nice for a while; they could be themselves in hiding. But the two just really wanted to spend time together, to reconnect.

Logan likes _Harry Potter_! Kendall thought. The final movie had come out recently and Logan said he wanted to see it. So, Kendall decided on that. Plus, they wouldn't have to hide their affection in the darkness.

To top off the cliché date, he decided he would take them to Olive Garden. Hopefully Logan would smile at this and not find it dorky. Kendall went to go order the movie tickets.

That night, he was all ready. Kendall had asked if anyone else wanted to go, to seem safe. But he knew that no one else was in to _Harry Potter_. So, he didn't lie about where they were going. He just left out the part about going to Olive Garden. And the part about it being a date.

Logan had been asking about where they were going ever since Kendall had come out into the living room and announced to him, "I got it! We're leaving at 6!"

Kendall drove. When they pulled out of the Palm Woods, he finally told him. "We are going to Olive Garden, and then we are going to see _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2_."

Logan's eyes lit up. "A dinner and a movie?

Kendall glanced at him, then back at the road. "A little boring, huh?"

Logan smiled. "No, it's perfect."

When they got to the restaurant, Kendall parked in the back. They were sure to be noticed, but they didn't want to be followed by a psycho fan, especially under the circumstances. In fact, Kendall took his mom's Prius instead of the BTR-mobile.

When Logan started to get out, Kendall stopped him.

"Kendall, I got it," he stated, trying to get out himself.

The blond shook his head. "Let me be a gentleman."

He got out on his side and went to the other. When he opened the door, the boy got out, face flushed with color. This was common whenever Kendall tried to do something romantic.

"What? I've always wanted to do that for you," Kendall said, smiling.

"I know. It makes me feel vulnerable. Keep doing it." The brunette walked to the building with a smirk.

When they went inside, Kendall walked up to the counter. "Hi, I called in earlier. My last name is Knight."

The lady behind the counter looked up. "So you're the one that rented out a whole banquet room for two." She smiled. "It's all ready. Follow me."

She led them to the back of the restaurant. When she opened the doors, Logan gasped. The room was empty except for one table in the middle, set for two. A candle was lit in the center. The menus were already on the table.

"Your waitress will be here in a moment to take your orders," She said, smiling, and walked out.

Kendall walked over to one chair and pulled it out. Logan sat down in it, speechless.

The blond went to his seat and picked up a menu. "Have whatever you want, it's on me."

"Kendall, I don't know what to say…" he said, still having not moved.

The blond looked over his menu. "I wanted our first date to be remembered. And I figured we wanted privacy."

"Yeah, but this is…"

"Too much?"

"No, just breathtaking," he answered. After a moment he picked up a menu and began looking through it.

A young woman walked in, carrying a notepad and a basket of breadsticks. "Hi, my name is Charlotte, and I'll be your personal waitress for this evening. What can I start you off on?"

"I'll have a Diet Coke," Kendall said, then looked at the brunette.

"I'll have the same."

"Awesome, two Diet Cokes. Soup or salad? Appetizers?"

Kendall nodded. "Two garden-fresh salads."

"Oh, and some bruschetta," Logan said. "That's always really good."

"Okay. I'll be back in a minute."

After she left, Logan asked, "What if they tell people? How do we know that they're not taking pictures or something?"

Kendall shrugged. "We don't. But, I did promise them I'd tweet how good the food was."

The brunette raised an eyebrow. "Well, I just don't want this going public."

"I know. And if it does, it was a double date where the girls bailed."

Logan looked away. "Well, that's good enough. I just…"

The blond nodded. "I know. It would be way too complicated to come out. But I really want to call you mine."

"Kendall, I am yours. Just because we haven't had time for each other, doesn't mean that my feelings have changed."

He nodded again. "I know. I just… don't want to lose you, too."

"Kendall, I'm here. One, we're in a band together. You can't get rid of me." The brunette smiled at this. "And two, I don't want to lose you either. You're the first person I've ever told."

"Yeah, you're right. I'm just overprotective."

They stared at each other, not saying anything for a moment.

"Would you ever consider telling our parents? Just come out to them?" Kendall asked, still looking into Logan's chocolate brown eyes.

"I could never tell my parents. My father is completely homophobic. That's one of the reasons my mom divorced him," Logan replied.

"We could just tell our moms then," he replied back, unsure of why he wanted this so badly.

"Yeah, but they're both already upset with me for coming to L.A. to do this instead of working to be a doctor. If I told them I'm gay, I don't think they could handle it. My mom is more excepting, but she still wants me to be perfect."

Kendall shrugged. "I have no clue how my mom would take it."

"Yeah, but your mom is more excepting with what happens in life."

Their conversation was interrupted when Charlotte brought their food and drinks. "There you go! Are you ready to order the main course?"

Logan went first. "I'll have the herb-grilled salmon."

Charlotte nodded, writing that down. "And for you?"

"Um, I'll have the Mediterranean-grilled chicken."

"Okay," she said, taking their menus, and walked out.

While they were eating, they continued talking.

"I remember when you first moved to Minnesota, Hortense," Kendall said, smiling.

"Ah, don't use my real name. My father named me," Logan said, grimacing.

"Sorry… Is that why you never used it back home?" He didn't wait for an answer. "But I do remember. I feel like I always had a crush on you, even though I didn't know it when we first met. I remember I really wanted to be your friend."

(Flashback)

_Kendall was sitting in his third grade classroom. James was coloring with crayons, drawing a picture of himself. Carlos was playing with the miniature race cars. And Kendall, he was just watching everyone. _

_They were getting a new student that day. That was always exciting at that young age. _

_When the new student walked in, the classroom was silent._

"_Everyone, this is Hortense Mitchell. He moved here from Texas," Mrs. Jackson said, Hortense standing next to her. _

"_Hi, Hortense!" Kendall called out, a second before the rest of the class._

"_See? Why don't you go sit by Kendall," Mrs. Jackson said, pointing to the boy that just said hi. "It's free time right now."_

_Logan walked over to the table where three totally different looking boys sat. _

"_Hi, Hortense," Kendall said again. "I'm Kendall. This is James and Carlos."_

"_Hi," he said back. "But can you call me Logan instead? That's my middle name."_

"_Sure," they said, and started playing with building blocks._

_The boys really became close in hockey. Logan had begged his mom, Joanna, to play. She didn't want him hanging out with 8-year-old troublemakers, but finally she agreed._

(End Flashback)

"I looked up my name up online. Turns out it means 'garden'," Logan laughed.

"Really? Wow…" Kendall said, laughing with him. "But," he said, changing the subject back," I just hate lying to everyone like this. I want to tell them how happy I really am."

"I know. But you still need to be sad about Jo.

"Yeah, I know. It's just, I know they worry about me. They don't want me back where I was."

(Flashback)

_Kendall and Logan had become good friends over the past few years. All four of them hung out every weekend, but Kendall and Logan were the closest._

_Then the most unspeakable thing happened. Kendall's dad died in a terrible accident._

_Michael Knight had been driving during the early afternoon when two cars drag racing came in front of him. Before he could swerve, one of the drivers hit him head on, killing him instantly._

_Kendall was 11. Katie was 5._

_The four boys were in 6__th__ grade, where classes start to change every hour. Kendall and Logan were in science. _

_The secretary had come down to get him. First, she asked for Mr. Peyton. She took him outside and told him the terrible news. Then she came to get Kendall. _

"_Um, Kendall? Ms. Moore needs to take you down to the office."_

_The blond looked up. "Am I in trouble?"_

_Mr. Peyton's voice faltered. "No, you're not in trouble. But you need to go down with her."_

"_Oh, they also want Hortense Mitchell," said Ms. Moore. "His mom is picking them up."_

"_Picking us up? Where are we going?" asked Logan as he got up._

_They walked down the hallway in silence. When they got to the office, Joanna was waiting with Katie. _

"_Oh, good. Come on boys, we're going to the hospital." _

_She took them outside, in the car, and started driving without question. "Kendall, your mom will answer everything when we get there."_

_Kendall looked scared. "Is my mom okay?"_

_Joanna almost started crying right there. "She's fine."_

_They practically ran into the hospital where Jennifer was sitting, sobbing. When she saw her two kids, the sobs became louder. She held them close, not wanting to let them go._

"_Mom, what's wrong?" Kendall asked, wondering what was going on. _

_She held his face in one hand, while still holding Katie. "It's daddy. He's gone."_

"_What? What do you mean gone? We were gonna go play hockey today after school." _

_Jennifer held them tighter. "Honey, I'm sorry… Daddy was in an accident. He's gone to heaven."_

_That's when Kendall started to cry._

"_Come on, Hortense, we should go." Joanna pulled her son away from the heartbreaking scene._

_The funeral was closed casket. Jen wanted Kendall and Katie to remember their father happy, full of love and laughter. _

_Things were rough after that. Kendall closed himself off from Logan, James, and Carlos. His grades were dropping. He quit hockey._

_But no one could blame him. _

_His 12__th__ birthday party was the worst day of his life. Jen had invited many kids from his school. She had rented laser tag, an inflatable slide, and mini golf course. Everyone had a blast – except for Kendall. _

_It had been two months since his dad died. _

_He had hid in his room, holding his dad's old gun. At that moment, Kendall was ready to do it._

_Logan came looking for Kendall when he noticed his best friend was nowhere to be found. Logan still called him his best friend; he was just giving him some space. Besides, every time he tried to talk to Kendall, he just shut him out. _

"_Kendall, what are you doing?" the brunette asked, frozen in the doorway._

"_Oh hey, Logan. You having fun? I hear the bouncy house is fun," Kendall replied, still looking out the window. _

"_Kendall, talk to me. Put the gun down," he said, not moving any closer. _

_The blond turned around. "Logan, you can't stop me. Everyone I know can't talk to me without saying sorry. They're even afraid to say hi. You haven't even tried to be my friend anymore!"_

"_I'm sorry! I thought I was giving you space!"_

"_You could have tried harder! You don't know what it's like not to have a father!" Tears streamed down his face. _

_Logan took one step forward. "Actually, I do."_

"_Shut up!" Kendall gripped the gun tighter. "You can't stop me."_

_Tears fell from Logan's face now. "Please, Kendall. You're family needs you. I need you!"_

"_You don't need me! Your life would be better without me!"_

"_Kendall, stop! You're my best friend! You were my first true friend! I need you!"_

_Kendall fell to his knees. "Logan, I'm sorry. But I have to do this."_

_He pulled the gun to his chest._

"_Kendall, NO!" Logan ran towards his best friend. He threw the gun up._

_BANG!_

_The bullet went through the roof._

_Screams echoed. _

_Kendall collapsed into Logan's arms. "Logie, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"_

"_It's okay… You're okay…"_

_Jennifer Knight came running into the bedroom. "Oh my God, Kendall!" She yelled when she saw her son._

_She ran to him, gripping her son for dear life._

"_Thank you…" she whispered to Logan, and carried Kendall out of the room._

_After that, Kendall went to counseling for about six months. He was still alive, all thanks to Logan. _

(End Flashback)

They both flinched, remembering the same memory.

Kendall ate the last bite of his salad. "You saved my life. I will never forget that."

"At that moment, I realized I couldn't live without you." He sighed. "Your mom asked me if you were really okay. They're all really glad we're spending time together."

Kendall looked up, eyes still foggy from the memory. "Oh? That makes sense. I mean, you were there to stop me… Wait. My mom asked you about me?"

"Yeah… she knew I wouldn't lie to her."

The food came to change the depressing mood.

"Here you go! I hope you guys enjoy!"

When Charlotte left, they looked at each other.

"Well, I'm very thankful for you," Kendall said, and began eating. "And I'm glad you're in my life."

"And I'm glad you're in mine." Logan nodded and ate, too.

They made small talk while they were eating. Finally they could talk. Oh, the bliss of just talking!

Kendall reached for Logan's hand after they were done eating. "Logan, I want to date in secret. We don't have to come out." He smiled. "I want to call you my boyfriend."

Logan nodded, smiling back. "Of course we can date in secret. I want to call you mine."

They stood up to leave when Charlotte came back with the bill. Kendall looked at it, and then set it on the table with some bills. "Keep the change. The food was wonderful!"

"Thanks!" She called out as they walked out the door.

Kendall held the car door open for Logan, with no complaints coming from the brunette.

Once in the car, they were both more comfortable. Kendall leaned over to kiss the passenger, which he happily returned. Finally, everything was coming true.

They held hands all of the way to the movie theater.

Logan was freaking out about the movie. "I hope they do the book justice!"

Kendall just smiled, enjoying his newly called boyfriend's excitement.

All through the movie, Kendall watched Logan. His reactions to everything that happened were funny. And adorable.

Kendall was also curious if Harry Potter lived or died.

He reached for Logan's hand at the end, when their children get on the train. Kendall could tell Logan's eyes were watering, even through the 3D glasses. He was so cute.

After the movie was over, Kendall started to laugh. "So he was killed, but still lived?"

Logan nodded. "Yep! It's the magic of both sides!"

Kendall took a longer route back to the Palm Woods so they could spend more time together. They were both almost too excited to speak. It was wonderful.

All of the roads were empty, save a few vehicles here and there.

When they got to a four way stop, Kendall waited for the light to turn green. He even used his blinker.

"You are so responsible. I don't think I would have waited," Logan stated as they started to turn.

"Well, I want to be a safe driver," Kendall replied.

"Kendall, look out!" Logan screamed.

Lights flashed.

A horn honked.

_Crash. _

Everything was a blur.

Glass was everywhere. Kendall felt stinging on his forehead, face, and arms. He could barely move.

When he looked over at Logan, his heart stopped. Blood was gushing from his forehead and his right arm. He was unconscious.

"Logan," Kendall whispered, body froze. His boyfriend didn't move.

"Logan!" he cried, trying to get to his phone. He was still screaming when he dialed 911.

"911, what's you're emergency?"

"I was just in a car crash. My friend is unconscious and bleeding. I don't know about the people in the other vehicle." The rest of the conversation was blurred out. Kendall felt dizzy.

"Okay, sir, an ambulance is on the way." Click.

Kendall started sobbing, flashes of his father coming to his head.

"Logie, I'm so sorry…"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4! Not going to lie, this was a hard chapter to write. Well, I hope you guys enjoy it! I enjoy reading your reviews!**

**Still, I don't own Big Time Rush...**

* * *

><p>Kendall couldn't think straight. He wanted to help, but he didn't want to move the body.<p>

He couldn't even look. How horrible is that? But every time he tried, all he saw was his father.

The stinging on his forehead and arms was still there, from the glass, but that didn't matter.

Everything was a blur…

Soon, the blond could see flashing lights.

The paramedics went to Logan first.

He watched in silence as the lifted Logan out of the car. They laid him on the gurney and started to stop the bleeding.

The body from the other vehicle was taken away. He was killed instantly.

This was too much.

When they loaded Logan into the ambulance, Kendall was allowed to ride in the back. The whole time, all he could do was stare at his boyfriend.

When they got to the hospital, they were separated. Logan went into surgery to stop any internal bleeding, remove the glass, and put a pin in his right arm, which was discovered to be broken.

Kendall was sent to a room to remove the glass from his head and arms. They also wanted to check him over.

The nurse who did it was really nice. She didn't push him and tried to make it less painful. Everyone in the hospital knew of the tragic accident.

Two officers came in to talk to him.

"Sir, are you Kendall Donald Knight?"

The blond just nodded.

"And Hortense Logan Mitchell was in the passenger's side of the Prius you were driving?"

He nodded again.

"What is your relation with him?"

Kendall's heart skipped a beat. "We're best friends. We're in a band together."

The officer wrote something down. "Can you describe what happened?"

He took a deep breath. "Logan and I had gone to see a movie. We were going back to the Palm Woods, where we live. We got to the four-way stop. I waited for the green light – I even used my blinker. When I started to turn, Logan yelled to look out… and then…" His voice faded.

As the officer wrote that down, he spoke. "Well, we would like to inform you that you are at no fault. Mr. Henry Ross was highly intoxicated. He was speeding."

He turned to his partner then back at Kendall. "Thank you for your statement. We'll come back later with more information. Get well," he said, and the two walked out of the room.

The nurse smiled at him. "You know, you did your friend a good thing. Most people think it's a good idea to move the body in this type of situation – but it's not. It's like when a person has a seizure. He'll probably have a faster recovery."

Kendall shook his head. "He's my boyfriend."

The nurse didn't falter. "Well, then, you did your boyfriend a good thing."

It was almost midnight when he was able to go in the waiting room. He wondered if he should call his mom now, or after Logan was out of surgery.

He decided on now.

His mom picked up on the first ring. "Oh, thank God! Kendall, where the heck are you two? You promised you'd be home by 11!"

That's when Kendall broke down.

"Mom, Logan and I were in a car accident. I was driving and another car hit us…" He could barely say that.

Silence. Then, "Oh, Kendall. Are you both okay?"

"He's in surgery right now… He lost a lot of blood and he broke his arm. At least, that's all they know so far." Tears were streaming down his face. "They'll come and get me when he's out."

"Are you okay?" she asked, ruffling background noise behind her.

"Yeah, mom. The other vehicle hit ours on Logan's side…"

"Oh my God…Okay. We'll be there as soon as we can."

We? James and Carlos were coming, too? And Katie? He didn't want them to see him broken.

Kendall sat there for a long time with his head in his hands. He couldn't think of anything, do anything. All he saw in his head was Logan.

Time ticked away slowly.

When the group came in, Kendall hadn't moved.

Mama Knight sat down next to him. Katie sat across. James and Carlos stood.

"Kendall, sweetie… Are you okay?"

He looked up, eyes puffy and red. His cheeks were stained streaks. "I don't get it. How can I walk away from that, and he's still in surgery?"

She wrapped her arms around her son. "I don't know. Life is just like that sometimes."

"The driver that hit us is dead," he mumbled into his mom's shoulder, his tears staining her sleeve.

Mama Knight tightened her grip.

No other words were said.

The other three shifted, changing seats and moving around – but not Jennifer. She didn't let go of her son for a long time. They both knew the pain of reckless driving.

After about an hour, His mom stood up. "I should call Gustavo and Kelly. I didn't think it would take this long." She walked away to make the call.

Kendall still looked down. The moment just kept replaying in his head.

"Kendall, are you really okay?" James asked, though he didn't want to push anything.

"James, I think it's a little too soon to ask that…" Carlos replied, glaring at him. "He just saw Logan all broken and bloody!"

"Guys!" Katie yelled, looking up. "Just shut up!"

"No, It's okay, Katie. They just don't think sometimes," Kendall whispered, still not making eye contact. "Guys, I'm okay. I just… can't think right now. But thanks for giving me space."

He went back to his silence.

The clock read 1:37 a.m.

Mama Knight walked back into the waiting room. "I got a hold of Kelly. She said her and Gustavo will be here tomorrow morning. I also told her I'd call her when we find out the severity of Logan's injuries."

Her answer was more silence.

"Now guys, I know this is rough. But we have to be strong – for Logan."

Kendall actually smiled at this. He knew his mom was right. Logan wouldn't want him them to be sad, especially Kendall. He knew that his boyfriend wanted him to be strong.

In his head, saying Logan was his boyfriend was easy. He even said it to that nurse. But maybe that's why this hurt so much.

"You're right, mom – for Logan."

Right then, a nurse walked into the waiting room. "Mr. Knight?"

Everyone looked up. Kendall's eyes were still red. When he realized it was the nurse that checked him out, he stood up.

She walked over to the group. "Mr. Mitchell is doing great."

Five relieved sighs were heard, though Kendall's was the loudest.

"You can go see him now. But, he is still under from the anesthesia. He's in room 307. The doctor will come to explain things soon."

The blond was the first to start walking. He was also the first to the elevator. Rapidly, he pressed the up arrow button.

"Kendall. That won't make it go any faster," James stated.

He spun on his heels. "Shut. Up."

No one else tried talking to Kendall after that. The elevator ride was silent.

When they got to room 307, Kendall didn't hesitate. He just walked right in.

It was a private room. Logan's body was lying silently in the bed.

Kendall grabbed one of the three chairs present and set it down next to Logan's bed. At that moment, he didn't care what his family and friends thought. All he wanted was to be by Logan's side when he woke up.

When in reality, they all thought he was acting super-sensitive because he was the one driving. Their little secret was safe for now.

The door opened. The doctor who had done the surgery came in. In his hand, he carried some papers and two X-rays. The nurse who had been through this whole ordeal walked in as well.

"Wow, big crowd!" He smiled, and went to Mama Knight. "Hello, I'm Dr. Todd."

They shook hands, then Dr. Todd went over to the X-ray board. He put two pictures up, one of an arm and one of ribs.

"Hortense Mitchell's ribs were bruised, not broken. But, I still want to keep an eye on them." Then he pointed to the other picture. "His right arm was broken, but it was a clean fracture. It did cause some internal bleeding when the bone moved, but that's all good now."

Glancing at his charts, he spoke again. "The glass cuts were deep and might cause some scarring…"

"What's the recovery time?" Mama Knight asked.

"Between four to six weeks. It depends on how much the person rests and doesn't push anything."

She nodded. "Okay."

Kendall looked up. "When will he wake up?"

"Anytime now, though the, uh, loopy effects the medicine has will still be present," Dr. Todd replied, closing his folder. "Well, if you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask. The nurses will be in here frequently."

With that, he and the nurse walked out.

"Okay guys. We need to decide what we're going to do," Mama Knight stated. "I think I'm gonna take Katie home and try to get some rest. You guys can come with me or stay here."

"I'm staying here," Kendall spoke first, almost immediately.

"Yeah," James said, "I'm staying."

Carlos nodded. "I'm staying."

Kendall's family left the room. It was now 2:03 a.m.

After a moment, James and Carlos left to go to the vending machines. They wanted to be there for Logan, but boys do get hungry.

Kendall reached for the motionless hand, the one that wasn't broken. All he wanted was to feel it move. This whole thing had been miraculous. He was actually glad James and Carlos had left the room. All he wanted was for Logan to wake when they were alone. He knew this was selfish, but at that moment, he did not care.

It seemed this night was full of miracles and wishes. At that moment, Kendall felt pressure on his hand.

"Logan? Logan, I'm here," Kendall whispered.

"Hmm…" came from the brunette, head turning slightly.

"Logie, I'm here," he whispered again.

"Ow…" he mumbled back, eyes fluttering open.

"Logan, what's wrong?" Kendall asked, squeezing his hand harder.

"What happened?" He questioned, eyes blinking. "The last thing I remember is… pulling up to a light…"

He tried to smile, to lighten the mood. "Well… We were in a car crash. Another car was speeding and hit us as we were turning." He paused. "The other driver died. You just had surgery. You broke your arm and bruised your ribs." He stopped when he saw Logan's eyes go wide.

"Kendall, are you okay?"

The blond did a double take. "You are the one who is in a hospital bed, and you ask me if _I'm_ okay?"

Logan shrugged, wincing as he did so. "What?"

Kendall chuckled. "You never cease to amaze me."

The nurse came in again. "Just came to see if you were awake yet."

They quickly let go of their hands as she came over to them.

"Listen, our families don't know that we're dating…" said Kendall.

Logan glanced at his boyfriend. "You told a nurse? I thought I'm the one on loopy meds!"

"I was in distress! I needed to tell someone…" He looked back at the nurse. "So, no one else knows… and we'd like to keep it that way…"

She smiled. "You think I don't know that? I know who you guys are. I don't live under a rock. Plus, I have a 10 year old daughter."

With that reassurance, Kendall reached for his hand. Of course, at that moment, James and Carlos came back, arms loaded with mini bags and bars.

"Our little trooper is up!" exclaimed Carlos, smiling.

"Love the outfit, by the way," said James, pointing to the hospital gown.

"Ha… Very funny, guys," Logan retorted back, "make fun of the crippled."

'You're not crippled, just broken and bruised!"

They all laughed at this. Then, Logan sighed.

"What's wrong?" Kendall asked, almost reaching for his hand again.

"I'm really tired. I was just asleep, but now I want to sleep again."

"Well, you do need your rest," the nurse replied. "Maybe your friends can let you sleep." She looked at the three expectantly.

"We'll be quiet," James whispered, "promise."

She smiled, replying, "good! I don't want to hear complaints about reckless boys keeping patients up!" as she walked out of the room.

"I like her," said Carlos, laughing, then remembered he was told to be quiet. "She's funny."

"Yeah," Kendall said, then looked at Logan. "We'll let you sleep."

His eyes closed not too soon after that.

* * *

><p>That morning was hectic. Kelly and Gustavo had dropped by to see Logan and discuss what to say to the media and what to do about Logan for the next month.<p>

"Well, all of the vocals are done, so that's a relief," Gustavo said. "And I say we just tell the truth. Logan was in an accident caused by a drunk driver."

Kelly nodded. "We could start a campaign group against drunk driving. That would get us more parent appeal." She smiled. "How are you feeling, Logan?"

He shrugged. "The pain is still there. I'm still tired."

"Well, you can take as big of a break you need. We don't want to push you until you make a full recovery."

They chatted for a bit, then left.

Logan's mom had been called that morning. She wanted to talk to him, but he was asleep. Joanna really wanted to see her son, but it was too expensive to fly. Mama Knight promised to call her every morning and every night for a while.

Kendall didn't know if Logan's dad was informed.

The police came for the final statement. "The man that hit your vehicle was traveling from a bar. The bar says they kicked him out because he had too many drinks and he was in a bar fight. We don't know where he was going because he no registered house or apartment. In fact, Mr. Ross is from New Zealand."

"As in the country?" Kendall asked.

Logan smiled. "No, Kendall, as in the city."

After all of the visitors left, Logan fell asleep again. Kendall never left his side. Since last night, they hadn't had any alone time, but Kendall never left.

* * *

><p><strong>3 weeks later<strong>

"Do you need help?"

"Kendall, I can get up by myself," Logan replied, on the orange couch. "I've been home for what, three weeks now?"

The blond smiled. "I know. I just worry about you."

He smiled back. "I know you do. But I can stand up without assistance."

Logan's arm was in a cast, which was covered in signatures. Kendall's name was the biggest on the sea foam green cast. It was his silent way of claiming him.

His ribs still hurt, but he could move a lot more now.

When he did get off of the couch, Kendall followed him. Turns out Logan was going to their bedroom.

Kendall shut the door behind them, even though they were in the apartment alone.

Logan was already getting dressed for bed.

"Do you have to tease me?" Kendall exclaimed, going towards the dresser.

"Don't be so immature," Logan replied, climbing into his bed.

After Kendall got dressed, he joined him. "I'm the immature one?" he asked as he reached for Logan's good hand.

"Yep," he replied, sticking his tongue out.

"Oh, okay then," the blond stated, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend.

Logan happily returned it.

They fell asleep facing each other, fingers still intertwined.


	5. Chapter 5

**Yes, I'm still alive! My life was busy with exams and other crap, but I'm back! Also, if you go to my profile, I have links to my DeviantArt and Twitter. I post journals and stuff letting you guys know how my writing is going.**

**This chapter is the longest one I've written, so hopefully that makes up for it! It's Logan's birthday, September 14th. This is also the first smut I have ever written. Please don't judge me!**

**Yes, I saw BTR on Ellen :3 And my tickets to see them live again came in the mail! Row 8! God, I love being a Rusher!**

* * *

><p>"Happy Birthday!" was the first thing that Logan heard that morning. He groaned and opened his eyes.<p>

Kendall was standing in front of him, holding a tray of food.

"Kendall, what are you doing?"

He set the tray down. "I made you a birthday breakfast."

"You didn't have to do that," the brunette said, sitting up.

Kendall joined him on the bed. "Yes, I did. I wanted to make your 18th birthday special." He leaned in for a kiss, which Logan gladly returned.

Soon, the food was forgotten.

Things got heated fast. There had been a lot of sexual tension between the two. Ever since the accident, neither of them felt like doing anything. Plus, Logan had just gotten the okay to dance again. Kendall didn't want to hurt Logan during activities similar to dancing.

Now that everything was back to normal, their relationship could get back on its secret track.

Kendall dominated Logan quickly, straddling him.

Logan reached for the bottom of Kendall's shirt and started to pull it up.

Kendall stopped and pulled their lips apart. "I have a special night planned. Let's not ruin my planning."

Logan glared sarcastically. "Aren't you the one that started this?"

He shrugged back. "You're adorable. I can't help it!"

Logan smiled and kissed him back. "Oh, really?"

"Yep! Now eat your breakfast before it gets cold," he said, getting up.

"I think it already is."

"Oh well, cereal it is! Besides, we have a long list of things to do before your party tonight!"

"Kendall, we're having my favorite foods for dinner. That's not really a party."

The blond shook his head. "We're celebrating you – it's a party."

Logan just looked at his boyfriend, cheeks flushing. "You are too sweet for your own good."

Kendall smiled his signature lopsided smile. "Why thank you!"

On that note, he walked out of the bedroom.

Logan sat there, watching him go. He was nervously excited for what Kendall had planned. Kendall was always full of surprises.

When he came out of the room and into the kitchen, he saw that everyone else was sitting at the table, eating.

"Happy birthday, Logan!" James shouted, looking up.

"Wow, Logan, you're so old!" Carlos exclaimed.

Kendall glared sarcastically. "Oh, shut up. Just because-"

"Boys!" Kendall's mom yelled, "Can we not do this for one day?"

"Sorry, Mama Knight," they said in unison.

Things went back to normal. When they were almost done eating, Mama Knight said, "Logan, you need to call your mother sometime today."

Logan nodded. "I know. I haven't talked to her in a while."

"I mean before the party," she replied. "You'll forget if you don't."

"Okay. And it's not a party," Logan said for the second time that day.

Kendall smirked.

Logan stuck his tongue out at his secret boyfriend. Mama Knight had walked away, so she didn't see it.

"Hey, I thought you were 18 now," Katie said, smiling, "and the most mature one."

"Well, I can still be mature and stick my tongue out."

"Yes, but the act of sticking out the tongue is an immature act," Katie retorted.

"Didn't you stick out your tongue last night?"

"I'm 11."

Kendall stood up. "Logan, you can try to argue with Katie, but she'll win."

The brunette got up too. "Yeah, I know. But it was worth a try."

Kendall's mom came back with a piece of paper. "Can you two go get groceries? I know it's your birthday, Logan, but you guys have the day off."

Kendall glanced at Logan. "Sure, we'll go. Walmart?"

Logan nodded and smiled. "Walmart's good."

Mama Knight just gaped at the two. "Well, if I had known that you two thought Walmart was fun, I would have asked you guys to go more often."

Her son laughed. "Mom, I wouldn't go that far." He took the list. "We'll be back."

Because the crash was in no way their fault, the insurance company paid to fix the Prius.

Logan drove. In fact, Kendall hadn't driven that much since the crash. He knew it was irrational, but every time he did, all he saw was a broken Logan.

They held hands the whole way there.

"I wish we could hold hands in public," Kendall said, grazing his finger over Logan's knuckle. "I hate hiding."

Logan glanced at Kendall, then back at the road. "Kendall, we've been over this. You know that I want to come out, too. But you know why we can't."

"I know, Logie," Kendall replied, intertwining their fingers, "but I still want it."

To their surprise, Walmart was not that busy. Then again, it was 11 a.m. on a Wednesday.

Kendall smiled his I-have-a-plan smile.

"Kendall, we can't hold hands in Walmart. We could be spotted by fans."

The blond pouted. "Most of our fans are in school! Please, Logie? You need to take risks!"

He sighed, caving in. It was the pout. And the use of his nickname. And the fact that Kendall was wearing a beanie. God, Logan loved Kendall wearing beanies. Yep, he was caving. "Only if we are completely alone."

"Yay!" Kendall exclaimed, dong a happy dance. Then he got out of the car.

Logan chased after him.

When they walked in, they realized that it wasn't that busy. Kendall reached, but Logan just started walking towards the carts. "When we get deeper into the store!"

Kendall groaned, but followed him.

The brunette was already starting on the list. "I love how I'm making most of my birthday dinner."

"Well, you are the best cook in the apartment. You wouldn't want my mom to make you any fancy food," the blond shrugged.

"Oh, I know. I just think it's funny. I know it will taste good. And spaghetti isn't that fancy."

The got all of the items on the list, plus others that Kendall grabbed along the way. But to their dismay, all of the isles had people. They had even been stopped twice for autographs and pictures.

Finally, Kendall grabbed the cart from Logan. "You walk too slow!"

Logan followed as his boyfriend walked around aimlessly, looking for something unknown to the brunette.

Somehow, they ended up in the home and garden section – with no one in site.

"Finally," Kendall whispered and turned to his boyfriend.

"What are you-" Logan started to say, but was interrupted when their lips crashed together. He was about to pull away, but caved in again. This was a rush. Suddenly, he understood the thrill of kissing in public. Sure, he had kissed Camille at the Palm Woods, but this was different. Kendall made Logan feel alive. He didn't care where he was, or who was looking. All he was focused on was Kendall.

In a swift motion, the beanie on the blond's head was pulled off and landed on the floor. Logan just loved running his fingers through the soft, golden hair.

Kendall's fingers grazed the brunette's neck before wrapping them around him, pulling them closer.

A whispering noise caused them to pull apart quickly. When they recovered, they saw an old woman clutching her cross necklace. As she walked by the two, glaring, she whispered, "I will not go to Hell because I have seen this sin!"

When she was gone, the two just started laughing.

"Well, then!" Kendall exclaimed, picking his beanie up off of the floor.

Logan attempted to compose himself. When he did, he tried to be serious. "We need to be more careful! She could have been a fan."

"Yeah, I don't think she's a fan," Kendall replied. This set off another round of laughter.

"Yeah, probably not. But we should still be careful," Logan said, looking around where they were standing.

"So no more kissing in Walmart?" Kendall asked, the pout present again.

Logan shook his head. "No more kissing in Walmart." He then took the cart. "We have frozens!"

Kendall just rolled his eyes. He followed behind the brunette so he could gather his thoughts.

Logan was glad that Kendall was behind him – his mind was exploding. In the heat of the moment, Logan was ready to give himself – and that scared him. They were in Walmart for Christ's sake! But in another sense, this just proved how much he wanted to be with Kendall. The accident had set their relationship back. But it also brought them closer together. They spent countless nights just talking, just enjoying each other's company. The sexual things were deemed unimportant.

But Logan was ready. This birthday was going to be magical.

There was one more thing that needed to be done. Logan had to tell Camille that he was gay and that he and Kendall were secretly dating. Yes, Camille and Logan were still technically dating.

The genius was going to break it off the day after his first date with Kendall. But obviously those plans were abandoned.

Miraculously, Kendall understood. If Jo were still here, he himself would still be hiding.

But he needed to stop stringing Camille along. All he was doing was hurting her, hurting himself, hurting Kendall.

So, that night after dinner, he was going to go to Camille's apartment and tell her everything.

"Logan, you ready?" a voice asked, pulling Logan out of the fog. The voice's hand was on his shoulder.

"How long have I been standing here?" he asked, deeply embarrassed.

The blond shrugged. "Not long. I didn't wanna bother you… You were in deep thought…"

"Just thinking about tonight," he stated, as Kendall didn't know of his plans. Kendall had told him he would not push him to tell Camille.

"Glad to see you're looking forward to it!" his boyfriend said, taking the cart.

"You cocky bastard!" the brunette harshly whispered.

This caused Kendall to smile devilishly. "Ooh, I made Logie swear! Will I hear more tonight?"

Logan's cheeks were instantly red. "You need to learn how to whisper!"

The blond shrugged. "I like being loud."

His eyes went wide. "Why are you being so dirty right now?" Before Kendall could answer, Logan raised his hand. "You know what, I don't wanna know."

The two were recognized by the cashier, a preppy teen chewing her gum too loudly.

"Like, ohmigod!" she exclaimed. "Aren't you two in Big Time Rush?"

Kendall shot a look to Logan, then nodded. "Yeah, we are."

Emma, as told by her nametag, popped her gum. "That's so awesome! I think you guys are awesome!"

Kendall just nodded. Logan didn't do anything.

When they got back to the car, they shared another laugh.

"People at Walmart are crazy!" Kendall said, putting his seat belt on.

As Logan started the vehicle, he replied, "Weren't we just in there? Making out in the home and garden section, no less?"

"Well then, I guess we are crazy, too," he murmured, leaning for a kiss. When Logan gave him a look, he just smiled. "We're not in Walmart. We're in the parking lot."

That sentence was barely said. Logan kissed him on the lips, then pulled back when Kendall tried to deepen it.

"We should get back to the Palm Woods," he said, putting the car in drive.

"Tease."

* * *

><p>When they pulled into the parking garage at the Palm Woods, Logan pulled out his cell phone. "I need to call my mom."<p>

"Do you want me to stay with you?" the blond asked.

Shaking his head, he replied, "No, I'm okay. It won't take long."

Kendall nodded and began taking the stuff out of the car.

Joanna Mitchell picked up on the second ring. "Happy birthday! I can't believe my baby is 18!"

"Hi, mom."

"So how is my baby doing?"

Logan took in a deep breath. "I'm doing good. Actually, I need to tell you something."

"What?"

"Mom, I'm gay. Me and Kendall are dating."

Silence. Then, "Honey, are you serious? Because if you are, I love you."

"Really? I was so scared-" His voice caught.

"Hortense, I will love you no matter what. I'm glad you told me. Does Jennifer know?"

"Not yet. We were planning on telling everyone soon."

"I'm glad you told me. I love you both very much. Have a wonderful birthday."

_Too bad that's not how the phone call went._

"Happy birthday! I can't believe you're already 18!"

Logan smiled. "Hi, mom."

"So how are you celebrating your birthday? A big Hollywood party?"

"Nah, just having my favorite foods for dinner. Having cake and ice cream. Hanging out."

"Well, I guess that's fun, too."

Awkward silence. Then she spoke again. "So have you talked to your father lately?"

"Mom, we've been over this. I never want to talk to that man."

"I know, Hortense. But he keeps calling me for your number. He wants to try."

Logan gripped his phone. "Mom, he left us for a 20-year-old model. He's words that I don't want to say."

"I know. So you still reading up on medical studies?"

Sigh. "Yep. I read whenever I get the chance."

"Well, that's good. Even after Big Time Rush, you can still go to medical school. Honey, I gotta get back to work. I love you. Have a great birthday!"

_Click._

Logan sat there, tears streaming down his face. He could never have a meaningful conversation with her. He could never tell her who he truly was.

And he most definitely would never talk to his father.

* * *

><p>Logan was putting the finishing touches on dinner. He had made spinach and artichoke dip, Caesar salad, garlic bread, and spaghetti. And for dessert, he had baked a chocolate cake and had bought Neapolitan ice cream. Logan liked chocolate, Kendall liked chocolate and strawberry, James and Carlos liked all three, Katie liked strawberry and vanilla, and Mama Knight liked vanilla.<p>

"Wow, Logie, it looks really good," Kendall commented, grabbing cups and plates.

The brunette blushed, then shooed him away. He didn't want the rest of them to see them flirting. Kendall was really starting to be comfortable with showing their relationship. If Logan said he was ready to come out tonight, Kendall wouldn't have a second thought.

But Logan wasn't ready.

After dinner, he opened presents. He had gotten an iTunes gift card from James and Carlos, a Barnes & Noble gift card from Mama Knight and Katie, and the next book in the Kane Chronicles from Kendall.

Now it was about 8 p.m. and time for cake and ice cream.

"Logan, can you go get some ice from the machine?" Mama Knight asked.

The brunette looked up. "We ran out? Even in the freezer? But I-"

"Come on, Logan! Let's go get some ice!" Kendall said, walking towards the door. "When we get back, we can have cake!"

Sighing, the birthday boy followed him.

The second they got to the machine, Kendall embraced him in his arms.

"Kendall, we're in the hallway!" Though, he didn't fight it.

The blond put his finger on his boyfriend's lips. "I haven't been able to spend time with you all night. I miss you."

Logan shrugged, still in his arms. "We need to stay inconspicuous."

Green eyes gave him a blank stare.

"We need to look like we're not dating."

"That's why I took you out here."

"I thought we came out here to get ice – which we still haven't gotten." He reached one hand towards the machine.

His boyfriend held him back. "Please, Logie?"

Logan shook his head. "We're in the hallway. People could see us."

The blond smiled. "I don't think we'll be spotted."

Logan tried to let go again, this time Kendall letting him. "You do realize that a lot of people live here, right?"

The smile grew into a smirk. "I think we're fine."

Now the genius was suspicious. "What do you mean, Kendall?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." The smirk was still there.

"You're a horrible liar, you know that, Kendall?"

"I'm not lying," he said, even though he knew Logan wouldn't buy it.

Logan got the ice and started walking back to the apartment. Before he could round the corner, Kendall blocked his path.

"Kendall, this is getting ridiculous."

The blond got out his cell phone and looked at it. "Now we can go back."

"You're insane."

They were both silent for the trip back to 2J. Logan went in first.

The apartment lights were off. When Logan turned them on, he realized the apartment was empty.

"Kendall…?"

"Yeah?" The blond asked, coming in behind him.

"Where is everyone?"

Kendall looked around, face starting to look confused. "I don't know. Weren't we about to have cake and ice cream?"

Kendall didn't know about this? "Kendall, you didn't know about this?"

He shook his head in response. "We were gonna light the candles and start singing when we came back." Then, he started walking around the apartment. "My mom's purse is still here. She wouldn't leave without it."

Logan was in the living room, staring at the couch. "Carlos' helmet is here. Now I'm getting worried."

Kendall checked the rest of the empty rooms, then came back to his now panicked boyfriend.

"Where the hell could they be?"

The blond went to the window and opened the blinds. He looked out, then shut them. "Now this is just creepy. Not a single person is down at the pool."

Logan's face went pale. "Now that you mention it, no one passed us in the hallway. There are always people in the hallways."

"I say we go down to the lobby."

Logan silently nodded. Without consciously knowing, he reached for his boyfriend's hand. He needed that comfort.

It looked like Kendall needed it, too.

The lobby was completely empty.

Logan turned to look at the pool. There was a weird glowing light on one of the tables.

Kendall let go of his hand and opened the door to the pool. Logan walked out first.

"SURPRISE!"

The entire population of the Palm Woods jumped out of their hiding places.

Lights turned on. Music started playing.

"Happy birthday!" screamed James and Carlos. This started the singing. Mama Knight brought a giant cake to him, with a picture of Logan on it and "Happy Birthday, Logan!" written in red frosting.

Logan smiled and looked at Kendall. "You knew about this?"

The blond nodded, still singing.

The birthday boy only had one wish: _I wish Kendall and I will always be together_.

Everyone clapped after he blew out the candles.

"Happy birthday, Logan!" Camille yelled, coming up to them. She grabbed Logan's arm, pulling him away.

The brunette shot a look to Kendall and mouthed, "I'll be right back."

Kendall nodded. He still didn't know of Logan's plan.

Camilla had dragged Logan into one of the cabanas. "Happy birthday," she whispered, leaning in to kiss him.

But this Logan was ready for. "Camille, we need to talk." He sat down in the chair.

"What is it?"

"I think you should be sitting down for this, Camille."

She didn't move.

"Okay… Well, I'm just gonna say it. Kendall and I are dating."

Her jaw fell. "Excuse me?"

"Camille, Kendall and I are dating. We're both gay."

She slowly made her way to the other chair. "You're... and he… gay?"

Logan nodded.

"And Kendall? So he and Jo… were a lie?"

Logan nodded again.

"How long have you…known?"

"Well, our first date was the night of our car crash."

She suddenly stood up.

"You've been cheating on me for a month?" She whipped her hand, slapping him across his face.

"Ow!" Logan yelled, standing up, his cheek already turning red. "You're mad at me for that, not the part about me being gay?"

Surprisingly, she hugged him. "I think I always knew. You're just so damn adorable, Logan Mitchell. I'm just mad you didn't tell me sooner."

"I'm sorry. I just… I don't know."

She smiled. "It's okay. I would have slapped you harder if it were a girl. But since it's Kendall…"

"You can't tell anyone, okay? Only you and Jo know… and a nurse at the hospital… and a waitress at Olive Garden… Oh, and an old lady at Walmart."

She laughed. "That is an odd mix of people. I promise I won't tell anyone. But when are you two gonna come out?"

The brunette shrugged. "When we feel ready to. Thanks for understanding, Camille."

The shared another hug for a long time. Then, they came out of the cabana.

Logan walked around for a while, saying hi to people and thanking them for the birthday wishes. But he was really looking for Kendall.

Ironically, Kendall was sitting in a cabana. "Hey, Logie."

"Kendall, I did it!" he exclaimed as he sat down, chair facing Kendall. He noticed there was a piece of cake on the table, with two forks.

"You did what?" he questioned, looking up from his cell phone.

"I told Camille we're dating."

Kendall nearly dropped his phone. "You told her? I didn't know you were gonna do that!"

The brunette smiled. "I wanted it to be a surprise. I feel terrible for letting it go this long."

He smiled back. "I wasn't going to push you. I know I'm more open about than you are. But this is a very awesome surprise! How did she react?"

Logan chuckled. "First, she slapped me – not because we're dating, but because I technically cheated. Then she hugged me and told me she was cool with it."

"Huh. Typical Camille response."

Kendall's phone started ringing.

"Hey, it's a FaceTime from Jo! I haven't told her about us yet. Can I?"

Logan turned his head. "I assumed you told her already. I mean, she's known this whole time about you being gay."

The blond shrugged. "I didn't want to unless you were ready."

"Um, aren't you gonna answer it?"

"Oh. Yeah." He tapped accept.

"Hey, Kendall!" Jo said, waving.

Logan dragged his chair around and table next to Kendall.

"Oh, and happy birthday, Logan!" she said, seeing him in the shot.

"Hi, Jo!" they both said.

"So how are you?" Kendall asked. "You barely text me anymore."

Jo frowned. "I know, I'm sorry. The schedule for filming is so hectic." Then, she smiled. "And, Mason and I are still going strong."

Kendall smiled back. "That's great! Well, we have some great news, too!" He put his arm around Logan.

"What?" she asked. Then she noticed Kendall's arm. And the blush forming on the brunette's face.

"Oh, my God!" She squealed. "You two are dating!"

"Keep it down!" Kendall whispered harshly.

Now she had a sheepish smile. "Sorry!"

"It's fine, Jo," Logan said, still flushed. "No one knows yet except for a couple of random people. And Camille."

She nodded. "So when are you going to tell everyone?"

The two boys looked at each other. "When we're fully ready. It's a controversy. All hell might break loose. Or, everyone could be fine with it."

"What about James and Carlos? Katie? Your parents?"

Logan shrugged. "We have no clue what their views are on homosexuality. But James and Carlos will probably know first."

She nodded again. "I get it. Well," she said, smile from ear to ear, "I am just so happy for you two. I want updates!"

They said their goodbyes.

"Well," Kendall said, putting his phone in his pocket, "that went well." His arm was still around the brunette.

"Yeah."

"I'm ready to eat your face now."

"Kendall! Now is not the time to be kinky!"

The blond raised his eyebrow. "I meant the cake…" he pointed to the piece of cake with two forks. Logan just now realized what piece Kendall had gotten: the frosting picture of his face.

Kendall smiled. "I was first in line."

* * *

><p>The party was over. Everyone who lived in the Palm Woods was sound asleep. Well, everyone except a certain birthday boy and his boyfriend. They were in Kendall's bed, cuddling.<p>

"I have to say, this was the best birthday I've ever had," Logan said, playing with Kendall's hair.

The blond took his hand and kissed it. "I haven't given you my present yet."

He gave him a quizzical look. "Well, it's still my birthday."

Kendall barely waited for Logan to say that. Instantly, he was on top of the brunette, straddling him.

Logan didn't fight for dominance this time. He just let Kendall take over.

Kendall's mouth trailed down to the brunette's collarbone and stopped there. When he sucked on the skin, the brunette moaned. Smiling, Kendall did it again, leaving another hickey.

Logan's hands were at the bottom of Kendall's shirt. He pulled it off, making the blond stop for a second.

Soon, Logan's shirt was also off. He moaned again when Kendall started going down his stomach.

"So loud," Kendall whispered, lips on the elastic band of the pajamas.

"Kendall, I'm not ready to go all of the way," he panted.

"That's not my gift." With that, he began pulling off the sweatpants and the boxers at the same time, exposing the brunette's hard member.

Logan whimpered in pleasure. This was the first time Kendall saw him, this close. He could feel Kendall's eyes on him. Suddenly, he began to worry Kendall wouldn't like him anymore.

Then he felt warmth. Immense pleasure. He looked down and saw Kendall fully taking him in.

He moaned loudly again, then realized he should be quiet. But this, this was…

His mind went blank. All he could focus on was the pleasure, Kendall running his tongue over him.

He gripped the blond's hair, getting that feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Kendall, I'm close," he half whispered, half groaned.

He felt Kendall suck one more time and that was it.

After a moment, Kendall came back up to cuddle.

"Wait, did you… swallow?" Logan asked, still out of breath.

The blond just shrugged.

Logan wanted to relieve his boyfriend, but sleep was taking over, winning. Kendall understood.

"Happy Birthday" was also the last thing Logan heard that day.

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews are greatly appreciated!<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**So I know this is really late. And I apologize! I got really busy, then I got sick. But. James and Carlos talk to them about their relationship! So exciting!**

**Also, I'm working on some other one shots that will be up soon! **

**14 days until I see BTR live again! Fangirlin'...**

**So, enjoy!**

* * *

><p>After that first night, Logan's birthday, things were different between the still-secret couple. They were still the same, secret couple. But something had changed.<p>

All Kendall wanted to do was come out. He didn't care about the consequences. But Logan wasn't ready. And Kendall respected that. He knew Jeremy Mitchell.

The first and only time Kendall had met Logan's father was Logan's 14th birthday.

_The three boys spent the night at his house to watch movies and play video games._

_When they were having cake, someone knocked on the door. Joanna answered it, leaving the boys in the dining room. _

_There stood Jeremy, asking to see his son. _

_She yelled something at him, like "You can't be here. I'm calling the police." She was about to slam the door when Logan went out into the living room to see who it was._

Kendall would never forget his boyfriend's face at that moment. It was filled with anger, with despair_._

_Logan stood there for a moment, speechless. Then he turned around and ran upstairs._

_Joanna walked outside and shut the door. You could still her, though. "You don't have the right to see him. You can't just show up! He doesn't want to see you. Leave now or I will call the police."_

_When she came back in, her face was red and wet, but she had a weird look, like she was proud of herself._

_Then she noticed the three shocked boys standing in the doorway. "Can you guys check on Hortense? I need to go out for a moment." She paused. "Kendall, was your mom home tonight?" _

_Kendall silently nodded. Then he ran up the stairs to Logan._

_The brunette was on his bed, head buried under the pillow. When he heard the door open, he sat up. "Hey, guys. Ready to watch a movie?"_

_The guys knew that something bad happened back in Texas for Joanna to divorce Jeremy. They didn't know if it was sexual abuse, drugs, affairs… But they never pushed Logan to talk about it. They knew Logan didn't want to ever think of his father._

_They watched a raunchy comedy that no one was into at the moment. So, they just went to bed. Like always, James and Carlos almost instantly fell asleep. _

_No matter what he says, James snores. Even then, at age 13. The soft noise filled the room._

Kendall remembered looking around his best friend's room, wanting to ask if he was okay.

_He stared at all of the academic trophies, all first places of course. Then his eyes trailed to the athletic participation ribbons. Logan was not the best at hockey, but he loved it. Then he looked at the Earth poster tacked up above the giant bookshelf that held an array of novels and academic books._

_Then, the green orbs looked at the navy blue bed and saw chocolate brown staring back._

"_Logie, are you okay?" The question was barely a whisper._

_He shook his head in reply, silent tears already falling._

_Impulsively, Kendall stood up and walked over to the bed. Before he could stop himself, he got on top of the navy blue covers and crossed his legs. They sat for a moment in the almost silence. Then, "Logie, what did he do?"_

_He hated asking the infamous question that was never to be asked. But he truly wanted to know. Besides, Logan knew his troubled years. It would only be fair. Unless the things that happened were truly unspeakable. Now he regretted asking._

"_I want to tell you." Soft snore. "I mean, I was there for you. I know you won't freak out and stop being my friend."_

_He took a deep breath and looked down. "My father never touched or hurt me. Sometimes I wish that were the case. It would be simpler to tell and understand._

"_It was all my mother," the brunette whispered. "He would hit her, slap her. He would threaten her. She couldn't leave the house with me – said she would take me away from him. She wasn't allowed to see her brother, who was gay. He was against anything gay. God, he would go into tangents about how much he hated gays._

"_But my father did threaten me. I wasn't allowed to have toys or games. I couldn't have friends over. Everything had to be educational. All I could read were nonfiction books, which was okay because I liked reading those things, but at ages before eight… _

"_He didn't really drink… He's just mentally unstable…_

"_Everything had to be perfect with him. If we messed up or forgot something… there would be yelling for hours…"_

_Kendall noticed the silent tears still falling from his face, but he didn't know what to do._

"_One day, in the middle of my 3__rd__ grade year, my mom picked me up from school. This was unusual because one, I always rode the bus home, and two, I wasn't allowed to ride in the car alone with my mom without my father. She told me that we were going on a trip. She said that she had packed for me and we were going right away."_

_The tears kept falling. "I asked her why dad wasn't with her. She was breaking a huge rule. If father found out about this… we would both be in trouble._

"_She basically made me get in the car. Then she pulled out of the parking lot and drove away. She didn't tell me where we were going until we entered Missouri. She had gotten a job as a real estate agent in Minnesota. She was taking me with her to get away from my father._

"_I started screaming at her, saying that she couldn't do that. Dad would find her and hurt her again. Then I started crying._

"_She was crying, too. She said that he had been dating another woman for a long time, a young model. My mom then explained that she had filed for divorce and full custody. We would be rid of him. She even has a restraining order against him, still."_

_He sighed, shaking from the rambling._

"_So, we moved up here to get away from my father."_

_Then the room was almost silent again._

_Suddenly, Logan collapsed in the blonde's arms, sobbing. "I still feel like I have to be perfect for him. I bury myself in school and work, hoping I won't disappoint him."_

_Kendall wrapped his arms around his best friend. "He's out of your life now. He violated the restraining order."_

_The brunette nodded in his shoulder. "I know. But the mentality is still there."_

"_Well, he won't show up again. He would go to jail if your mom reports the violation."_

_Almost silence. _

"_I'll always be here for you, okay? Best buds forever, right?"_

_The birthday boy nodded again._

_They stayed like this, holding each other, for quite some time. Eventually the brunette fell asleep, worn out from telling his past. Kendall slowly unwrapped himself and got off of the bed._

_Before he got down on the floor, he looked back at the sleeping Logan. "I'll always be there for you, Logie."_

Kendall squeezed his arms that were protectively around the still sleeping brunette. Nothing – no one – would harm him again. Joanna did in fact report the violation, and Jeremy went to jail.

Logan had told Kendall about the phone call with his mom. After all those years of suppressing her feelings, Joanna just wasn't good at showing them. And she said that she needed to forgive her past, not live in anger. She knew Jeremy was a horrible father, but she wanted Logan to try. Even if it were just a phone call.

But Kendall understood completely why Logan didn't want to try. His father was crazy. He wanted nothing to do with him.

The blond didn't know which was worse, having a mentally unstable dad or not having one at all.

His thoughts shifted to something opposite.

He chuckled when he thought of last of last night. Even though neither of the two were ready to go all the way – both were virgins – they were still doing everything but. Logan wasn't as shy as he seemed.

The blond couldn't believe they had been secretly dating for about three months. And sometimes they weren't so secret. They hung out all of the time, ditching James and Carlos almost completely. Soon, they were going to notice that something was going on.

Kendall felt his boyfriend shift in his arms. Maybe he was finally waking up? This was unusual. Normally Logan was up so early and Kendall was still in his pajamas at noon. But he didn't mind. He enjoyed watching and feeling his boyfriend sleep.

Today was their last rehearsal for the week. Then it was the weekend. The second album was almost complete.

Kendall couldn't wait for the weekend – two full days to spend just with Logie. They were going to watch movies, talk, hang out… and other stuff.

The brunette groaned and rolled over in Kendall's arms. When he opened his eyes, green eyes were staring back at him.

"Morning, Logie," the blond whispered.

Logan smiled, then blush formed on his cheeks. "We're naked, aren't we?"

Kendall started laughing – his signature, obnoxious laugh that fan girls everywhere lusted over – filling the room with sound. "Logan, you never cease to amaze me." Then, quietly, "Yeah, we are."

"Oh, God." The blush deepened, the sheepish grin forming.

"You're so cute when you get embarrassed!" Kendall smiled, pulling the brunette closer. "Which is funny, because you weren't last night."

"Kendall!" his boyfriend scowled. "People are up! Do you not see the point of a _secret_ relationship?"

As if on cue, there was a knock on their bedroom door. "Guys, are you up yet? We gotta be at the studio in an hour!" came James' voice from the other side of the door.

"Yeah, I want it to be the weekend!" chimed in Carlos' voice.

"We'll be out in a minute," answered Kendall.

After a moment, they both got up, Logan attempting to shield himself. Kendall on the other hand had no shame.

"We're really lucky that you remembered to lock the door last night," Kendall commented. "They would have just walked right in."

Logan had a well-duh look on his face. "Because unlike some people in this room, I value someone's wishes to keep their secret relationship a secret!"

"Logan, I do value your wishes. I just hate hiding what we have. I think everyone in 2J will be fine with us dating."

The brunette pulled a shirt over his head. "I still need more proof. And what about people in the Palm Woods? My family? Oh, and I don't know, the world?"

The blond closed the gap between the two. "I'm scared, too. And I'm willing to wait. I just think that James, Carlos and Katie will be fine with it."

Logan finished getting dressed. "And your mom? Her opinion matters, considering she takes care of us."

Kendall was silent for a moment. "I think she'd be okay with it. I've never heard her say anti-gay stuff."

"That's my point. I think so, too, but you need to stop acting like a crusader waving the gay pride flag around."

Kendall smiled and kissed Logan's forehead. "I'll try to be more secretive. Promise."

* * *

><p>Rehearsal just dragged on and on. The four guys were so excited that it was finally over. Kendall and Logan couldn't wait to start their bonding weekend. But James and Carlos had other plans.<p>

"I call a family meeting!" James declared when they got back to 2J. "To the living room!"

Carlos followed right behind him, throwing himself on the orange couch.

"Uh, guys?" Kendall asked, staying near the door. "My mom and Katie are out."

James smirked. "Oh, we know. But your mom already said yes."

Hesitantly, the other two sat down next to each other on the couch.

"What did my mom say yes to?" The blond asked.

"We," Carlos exclaimed, "are going camping this weekend!" Both James and Carlos did a happy dance.

"Camping?" Logan asked. "It's October! We can't go camping!"

"Ah, but we can." James held up a brochure for a camp site. "And we are."

Where did this come from? "James, your hair would get messed up. Why do you want to go camping?" Kendall asked.

"Look, we," he motioned to him and the Latino, "feel like we don't hang out anymore. We never see you two. Like, if you wrote a book about your recent life, we wouldn't be in it."

The secret couple glanced at each other.

"Look, we realize that," Kendall said, "so maybe-"

"Nope," Carlos interjected, slapping his helmet. "We are going camping."

"And bringing girls," James chimed in.

"Guys, I don't know if – wait, bringing girls?" Kendall raised his eyebrows.

James nodded. "We feel like we need a guy's night."

"How is bringing girls camping a guy's night?" Logan asked.

"I think it's the perfect guy's night."

"And you said my mom approved of this?"

James shrugged. "She said we can go camping to bond."

"So you didn't tell her your brilliant amendment to bring girls?" Logan questioned.

The pretty boy had a blank stare. "I don't know what you just said, but I'll go with yes."

Kendall crossed his arms. "Guys, can we just drop this? We're not going camping with girls. Do you know how ridiculous this sounds?"

"It is not ridiculous!" James said, standing up. "We want to bond! We are best friends!"

Then Kendall stood up. The two started yelling at each other at the same time. Logan just sat there, speechless.

"Wait!" Carlos yelled, making the two freeze. "Kendall, are you not over Jo yet?"

James' face suddenly had a new expression. He sat back down next to Carlos. "You're still not over Jo!" Then he looked at the brunette. "Logan, I thought you fixed him!"

Logan's eyes widened. "Guys, Kendall's fine."

"It's been like three months! You need to move on!"

"Do I have a say in this?" Kendall exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. Then, he sat back down next to his secret boyfriend, sighed, and took a deep breath. "Guys, I'm fine. I'm truly happy. In fact, I think this is the happiest I've ever been. I wish could show you how liberated I feel. When I can, I will. But trust me when I say: I am fine. I am over Jo. I am happy."

The four of them stared at each other, wondering if that was enough.

Finally, Carlos broke the silence. "So we're going camping, right?"

Logan answered. "Yep."

Five minutes later, they were packing. So far, Kendall hadn't said a word.

Logan was almost done, hunting down his tennis shoes. "Kendall, please talk to me."

The blond turned away from the closet. "I just don't see the point of this. Besides, you just threw away our special weekend like it was nothing."

"Kendall, I do care about the time we spend together." He shrugged. "They're starting to get suspicious. Plus, I figured this would also be an adventure."

The blond shrugged back. "Yeah, I guess. Ready to go on this Hell trip?"

* * *

><p>"So, what first?"<p>

There stood Kendall, Logan, Carlos, James, Camille, and Stephanie at the empty campsite.

Not surprisingly, not many people were camping in October. Only three other lots were filled, an old couple and two younger couples. Needless to say, they didn't have to worry about being seen.

"Why don't we set up the tents?" Kendall asked, looking around at their stuff.

"Well, we have three tents." James stated. "Why don't we pitch all three and decide later on the sleeping arrangements?"

They agreed and got to work. After the three tents were set up, it was almost dark. But even then, Carlos had the bright idea to go down to the beach.

"Are you sure you don't want to go down to the beach with us?" Carlos asked as he, James, Camille, and Stephenie emerged out of the tents.

Kendall and Logan were sitting by the fire in a two-person chair, facing the tents.

"Nah, I think we're good," Kendall said, looking up from the fire. "We'll keep the fire going, so when you guys come back we can have s'mores."

Even after the group left, you could still hear them, laughing and talking. Their camp lot was close to the beach, though.

Kendall chuckled, wrapping his arm around the brunette.

"Kendall…" Logan warned, but he didn't pull away.

"What? They won't see us."

"I guess. I just…"

"Okay, then," he said, starting to pull away. Logan pulled him back.

"You need to make up your mind." Kendall said, laughing.

Logan rested his head against his boyfriend's chest. Kendall was playing with his hair. They sat like this, watching the fire crackle, for a long time.

"Kendall, I have a question."

"Ask away, Logie."

"This is kind of stupid, but what's our date?"

He raised one eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"You know, a date we associate with our relationship?"

Kendall smiled, still playing with the soft, brunette hair. "Why does it matter?"

He felt Logan shrug. "I don't know. I'm sentimental. But I don't know what our date is. I mean, we liked each other for a long time. We told each other our feelings a month before our first real date. But then, our first date ended with me in the hospital."

"I say we go with our first date," Kendall replied. "That's when I realized how much I truly cared about you."

With that, Logan was satisfied. After some time, the blond felt his boyfriend fall asleep.

This moment was so peaceful. He felt himself drift asleep.

A high-pitched noise woke Kendall up a while later. When he checked his phone, he realized that he had been asleep for about an hour. Amazingly, the fire was still going.

Looking around, he saw no one.

His boyfriend was still asleep, but he had fallen down into the blonde's lap.

"Logie," he whispered, shaking his shoulder.

"Wha?" he mumbled back, eyes fluttering.

"You should wake up. We both fell asleep."

Logan sat back up, but still rested against Kendall. "Wow. I guess we were both exhausted."

"Yep," Kendall nodded. "But now I'm refreshed." He leaned in and crashed their lips together.

Logan quickly kissed him back, reaching his hand up.

"So when were you guys going to tell us?"

The couple quickly jumped apart, almost knocking over the chair. In front of them stood James and Carlos, their lower bodies covered with towels.

"Why are you guys naked?" asked Kendall, flustered.

"The bigger question here is why you didn't tell us that you two are dating?" retorted Carlos.

They could try to lie, but their friends had just seen them kissing. Crap.

"Um…" Logan tried.

"Why didn't you just tell us?" James asked. "You waited all this time just for us to walk in on you two kissing."

"We were scared that you wouldn't accept it," said Kendall, looking down. Then his head snapped up. "Wait, you guys knew?"

Carlos shrugged. "You guys aren't that secret. I mean, when you guys go 'Oh, Logie! Oh, Kendall!' at night, you really aren't that secret."

"Oh, God," Logan buried his face in his hands.

"That, too," James said.

"Anyway!" Kendall said loudly. "So you two knew. Why didn't you confront us before now?"

"Well," Carlos said, "we were hoping that you would tell us. But we understand why you didn't. Scandal…"

The blond nodded. Then his eyes got wide. "Does my mom know? Katie?"

The two almost-naked boys glanced at each other.

"Um, Katie knows," James said. "She asked us if we thought something was going on between you two. We stared at each other for a moment, then just nodded. She seems okay with it."

His faced showed relief for one second. "And my mom?"

"We don't think she knows. Katie didn't think so."

The four were silent for a moment before Carlos said with a smirk, "But we would like to inform you that this camping trip was planned in hopes that you would finally tell us. In fact, the third tent is for you. We weren't planning on talking to you about it, but kissing in public? Again, not very good at secrets."

Logan shrugged. "Kendall's not good at hiding it."

"I don't know, Logan," James smiled. "You're the one we hear at night."

"Can we please drop that?" His face was red again.

"Can you tell us why you two are basically naked?" asked the blond, arm now around his boyfriend.

Now it was their turn to be embarrassed.

"Well, we were down by the water with Camille and Stephenie," James explained. "They dared us to go skinny dipping. When we got back to shore, our clothes – and the girls – were gone."

"So, we ran back here to get our towels," added Carlos. "We saw you two sleeping, Logan in your lap. When we came back out of the tents, you two were awake and making out."

"That's when we decided to ask you about it."

"Yeah, and made us almost fall in the fire," Kendall retorted.

"Yeah, you apparently don't need to add fire to your relationship."

"Carlos!" The other three yelled.

"So where are the girls?" Logan asked.

They shrugged. "Probably still down at the beach. They'll come back eventually," James said.

"Do you know that Camille knows?"

"Yeah, we talked about that at the beach," answered Carlos. "Now Stephenie knows."

Another pause of silence.

"So you guys are really okay with us?" asked Kendall. Logan wanted to ask, too, but he was too scared of the answer.

James raised his eyebrow. "We're best friends. You really thought that we would stop being friends, or stop being a band? Sounds like you don't know us."

"But we do understand why you might think that," Carlos said, trying to make what James said less harsh. "I mean, the world we live in doesn't except it. And we're role models to little children. Being gay can't happen to the public's eye."

All of the couple's fears melted away with that statement.

"Thanks guys," said Logan. "That means a lot to us."

"Yeah," Kendall nodded. "Now go get dressed. This is getting awkward."

They all laughed, the sound echoing off the trees.

"All right," they said walking back to a tent, "but no making out in front of us. That's the only rule!"

"Okay!" the couple yelled back in unison.

* * *

><p><strong>I love reviews! So please do!<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! I am REALLY sorry about not updating! No excuses, I'm just really busy. But here's the next chapter!**

**So what's happened since the last update? I saw Big Time Rush Live! I bought tickets to Big Time Summer Tour! The movie premiered! They won a blimp! It's been a good couple weeks for Rushers...**

**I want to thank everyone that has reviewed this story so far! So thank you** _klolo8_, _itrymybest_, _BtrFreak-Fbifreak_, _sylarbadass_,_ rawbbles_,_ IceRush_, _Scarlett_, **and** _KodaBoy_**!**

**And thank you to all that have alerted ****this story! I really appreciate all of the love!**

* * *

><p>Jennifer Knight was sitting on the orange couch, reading a book. No music was playing; the TV was off. Katie was down at the pool, hopefully not gambling. Her son, Kendall, and his three best friends were camping. This was the first time in a long time that she was alone in peace and quiet. She loved her crazy life, but she was incredibly thankful for the relaxing weekend.<p>

_Slam! _The door swung open, in walking the four teenagers.

Just like that, her quiet weekend was over. Secretly, though, she was glad. Swiftly, she got off of the couch, going back into mama mode. "Boys, don't even think about leaving your stuff on the floor!"

Four guilty faces looked up at her.

"Mom, we weren't gonna do that..." Kendall said, smiling.

"Sure," she replied, giving her son a hug. "Now go put your stuff away. I want to hear all about your trip."

Readjusting their stuff, they went to their bedrooms.

"Kendall, what are we going to say?" Logan asked when they were in their room.

His boyfriend started unpacking. "What do you mean?"

Logan looked at him blankly. "What are we going to say to your mom? She wants to know what happened."

The blond walked to his dresser. "Oh. You mean about us."

"Yes, about us," Logan replied, getting agitated. After he put his clothes away, he sat down on his bed. "The whole trip was about us."

Kendall sat down next to him, taking his hand. "And you're not ready to tell my mom." It was a statement, not a question.

Logan shook his head. "I never want to forget this weekend. But I'm not ready to let everyone know."

"And I will wait," Kendall replied, "until you are."

The brunette smiled and leaned against him. "Thank you."

"Hey, we're in this together."

They sat in silence for a minute, Kendall's arms wrapped around Logan. Both of them were remembering the weekend.

(Flashback)

_Logan woke up, unable to move. Kendall's arms were wrapped protectively around him; the blond was still asleep, his warm breath on Logan's neck._

_The brunette sighed happily. Then he remembered where they were. The early morning sun was shining through the tent. Not much sound was going on outside. It was peaceful._

_So now Stephanie knew. They had yet to talk to the girls about them knowing; he and Kendall had gone to bed early, before the girls had come back from the beach. He wasn't that upset that she knew. Hopefully, she would be okay with it. _

_And they hadn't really talked to James and Carlos either. They had to have questions, too._

_A twig snapped outside. Someone was awake and outside._

"_Ugh!" James groaned. "I hate sleeping on the ground."_

"_Oh, boohoo," Camille replied, voice low. "You'll be fine for one more night."_

"_Yeah, I know." Logan could practically see James smirking. "I'll survive somehow."_

"_You will. You're stronger than you think."_

_A tent zipper was being pulled._

"_What's for breakfast?" Stephanie asked, her voice moving away from the tents and towards their friends._

"_Well, Logan is still asleep," said James, "and he's in charge of food."_

"_I hear talk of food," joined Carlos' voice. "Where is it?"_

_Everyone laughed._

"_Logan's not up yet," Camille stated. "No food yet. But, there are drinks in the cooler."_

_Carlos sighed and made some type of movement. "He's with Kendall. They might never come out."_

_Logan heard soft chuckles._

"_How long have they been dating?" Stephanie asked._

"_Well, they've liked each other for a long time," Carlos said after a moment. "Probably way back when we lived in Minnesota."_

"_Remember, this is all guesswork," James added. "We only just confronted them last night. We haven't talked about anything yet."_

"_Yeah, and we weren't planning on confronting them; we wanted them to tell us," said Carlos. "But they were making out next to the fire when we came back from the beach."_

_Someone spit out and choked on their drink._

"_They were just making out?" Stephanie asked. "In public? I thought they were dating in secret."_

_Camille, apparently the one who choked, recovered. "Wow. Maybe they don't want to be a secret."_

"_We think that they want to come out," Carlos said, "but they can't."_

"_We have an image to uphold," James said, with, what sounded like to Logan, a sad tone._

"_True," Camille commented. "In this business, image is everything."_

"_Have they told anyone else? Family?" Stephanie asked._

"_Um, I don't know," Carlos answered. "Again, we haven't talked about it. Katie knows, though."_

"_But Mrs. Knight doesn't know?"_

"_We don't think so," James said, "and Katie doesn't either. We think we would have heard a reaction."_

"_Not in a bad way!" Carlos added quickly. "But we think she would have asked us if we knew."_

"_We think they're mostly scared to come to her," James said. "What if she doesn't approve? They share a room. She might make them split up."_

"_That doesn't sound like Mrs. Knight," Camille mused._

"_We don't think she would freak out…" Carlos said._

"_But we don't know," James finished._

_There was a collective sigh._

"_Logan's mom definitely doesn't know," James thought out loud._

"_Why?" Stephanie asked. "Is she against homosexuality?"_

"_His dad was, apparently," James answered. "I don't think he knows if his mom is or not."_

"_I think he's scared of how she'll react," Carlos said. "From what I remember, she's not very good at showing emotion."_

"_That's sad," Stephanie mumbled, "to not know if your family will accept you. And to not be able to express your feelings publicly." _

_Logan heard murmurs of agreement._

"_My brother back home is gay," said Stephanie. "I remember when he came out. He was so scared. But we accepted him told him we would love him no matter what."_

_Logan sighed with relief. Maybe now he should get up. Only a couple of things that their friends said were wrong, but he did want to clarify and answer all questions._

_The light in the tent was getting brighter. As if on cue, the brunette felt the arms tighten around him. Then, his boyfriend let out a soft groan. "What time is it?"_

_Logan shrugged against the warm body. "I don't know," he mumbled back softly. "I can't get to my phone."_

_The blond chuckled, feeling no guilt._

"_Everyone else is up," Logan said. "They're talking about us." He could feel Kendall tense up. "No, it's okay. They're okay with us."_

_Kendall sighed in relief. "I hoped they would."_

"_We should get up," Logan said, turning around to face his boyfriend as soon as he relaxed his grip. _

"_But I wanna stay here…" he replied, eyes still closed._

"_But we need to talk to them. They have a lot of questions."_

_The green eyes opened, looking straight at the brunette. "I hate it when you're right."_

_Logan smiled. "Then you must have the feeling of hate often."_

_Kendall stuck out his tongue. Logan took this opportunity and leaned in, putting his mouth on the blonde's. The blond was taken aback, but quickly recovered. Their lips then moved in sync, quickly getting heated._

_Ironically, Logan was the one to break away. "We need to go outside. They were complaining that they're hungry."_

_Kendall shook his head. "That's not enough reason. Let them starve."_

"_Okay…" Logan laughed. "But they do have questions. We have answers."_

_This time Kendall sighed. "I guess. But I want to spend more time with you."_

"_I know," the brunette said, "and we will have more time…" He stopped mid-sentence. Looking up at Kendall, he saw that the same thought had occurred to him._

"_Everyone here knows about us," Kendall stated._

"_And everyone here is okay with it…" Logan finished. "Do you think?" The hope and want clearly shone in his eyes._

"_There's only one way to find out," Kendall said, pulling the covers off him._

_Together, they got dressed. Would their friends be okay with them showing affection? Would they actually be able to show affection in public? That possibility had never approached before._

_Kendall unzipped the tent. On cue, the voices outside suddenly stopped. He stepped out, careful not to trip on the fabric. He then turned around and held his hand out. The brunette took it and stepped out._

_The scene outside looked similar to what it did in Logan's head. James, Carlos, Stephanie, and Camille were sitting around the fire. Drinks were scattered across the ground. The four were looking at the couple, almost expectantly. _

_Hand in hand, Kendall and Logan walked over to the fire. The only seat left was the two-person chair, the one that caused their demise last night._

_Everyone was still quiet after they sat down. It was like they were waiting for the couple to do something._

"_So…" Kendall spoke up. "This is nice…"_

_A chorus of mumbles came back._

_Okay, what? This morning, they all talked about acceptance. What the hell was this? Logan's blood was starting to boil._

_Kendall could see that. But he was also really confused. Why were they being so quiet?_

_Logan saw the look on Kendall's face and snapped. "Okay, what the hell is going on? I heard you guys talking about us this morning. I thought you guys were okay with us!"_

_The group looked stunned at Logan yelling. And at the swearing. But they still didn't say anything._

_Kendall grabbed Logan's hand. "Logie, calm down. It's okay."_

_He looked at his boyfriend. "Calm down? I will not fucking calm down! Apparently our friends are liars!" He started to get up when Kendall stopped him. _

_Hastily, he crashed their lips together. Logan soon melted into it, not caring that everyone was watching. Kendall made him forget everything, made his anger go away._

"_Oh my God, you guys are so cute!" Stephanie was the first to crack._

"_Excuse me?" Kendall exclaimed, pulling away from his boyfriend._

_James high-fived Carlos, a smirk on both of their faces. "We wanted to see how long it would take for you guys to do some PDA."_

"_And I just won!" Carlos exclaimed. Then his face suddenly got serious when he saw the look on Kendall and Logan's faces. They did not seem happy._

"_Why would you guys bet on that?" Logan yelled._

"_Why would you think that we suddenly wouldn't accept you?" James said back._

_It was silent and tense for five seconds._

_Then, everyone broke down, laughing. That argument was kind of stupid._

"_Seriously, we accept you guys," Camille said. "Please never think that we don't."_

"_Yeah, we just wanted to see how comfortable you guys are in front of us now," said Stephanie. "And you answered that."_

_Logan glanced at Kendall, then back at the others. "Well, I guess that proves that, subconsciously, we wanted you to know."_

"_My Logie, the genius," Kendall commented, smiling. _

"_Ha ha," Logan replied, leaning closer. They shared a quick kiss._

"_Aw!" the girls exclaimed. Everyone laughed._

"_So," Logan said, taking Kendall's hand in his, "you guys have questions?"_

"_Well, you said that you heard us talking…" Camille said._

"_Yeah, and you got most of it right," Logan replied. "We don't want to come out publicly."_

_The four nodded. "That's completely understandable," Stephanie said._

"_And our parents don't know."_

"_But Katie does," Kendall added._

"_Kendall wants to come out to them, but I'm not ready," Logan said, tone softer._

"_And I am willing to wait until he is."_

"_How long have you guys been dating?" asked Stephanie._

_Logan smiled. "Officially? Since the car accident. We were coming home from our first date."_

"_Have you guys?" Carlos asked suddenly. "I mean, we hear you at night, but-"_

"_CARLOS?" everyone else yelled, including the couple._

"_That's an extremely personal question!" Logan said._

_Too bad they wanted to know the answer. They looked at them, waiting._

"_No, Carlos, we have not had sex yet," Kendall answered._

"_No more personal questions!" Logan exclaimed, face red._

_As if on cue, Carlos' stomach made a huge, rumbling noise. Everyone laughed, distracting from the conversation._

"_Okay, I guess that's my signal," Logan laughed. "Who wants food?"_

(End Flashback)

"Guys, are you almost done packing?" Carlos called. "Even James is done. That's kinda sad."

The couple looked at each other. How long had they been sitting there?

Kendall unwrapped his arms, letting Logan stand up. They quickly put the rest of their stuff away.

Logan glances at the blond before reaching for the door knob. His other hand was intertwined with Kendall's.

"We tell that we had a fun time. We all bonded over the experience."

Logan seemed satisfied with that answer. When he opened the door, there stood Carlos and James, arms crossed.

"Really?" asked the Latino. "We've been home for like 30 minutes."

"We weren't doing anything," Logan said, defensively.

"Yeah, like you didn't do anything this weekend," James retorted.

"Shh!" the couple said in unison, waving their arms.

"Oh right!" James exclaimed genuinely. "I literally forgot that you two are a secret."

"Me, too," Carlos said. "I'm immune now from the weekend."

"Well, we are still a secret, and we'd like it to stay that way until we're ready," stated Kendall.

"Right," Carlos said. "We can do that."

"But you _might_ want to stop holding hands before we go talk to your mom," James added, pointing.

The blond looked down as Logan did. Their fingers were still intertwined. Quickly they let go, though missed the feeling immediately. They too were used to the weekend. Not having to hide was the greatest thing in the world. The constant touch, the obvious flirting... They got a taste of what it was like to be out, to not hide.

Then again, they were around people who accepted them. They knew they wouldn't get that if they came out publicly.

When they got the living room, the secret couple sat on opposite sides of the couch. They needed to get used to the not being so close.

"So!" Mama Knight started, facing them. "Did you guys have fun?"

James and Carlos glanced at each other, mentally kicking themselves for not asking what to say. Both of them knew their friends wanted to stay a secret, but they were terrible at lying.

"Yeah, we did!" answered Kendall, smiling. "I think we needed that."

"Yeah," Logan added. "We had our breaks from each other, but it was nice to bond again."

"Well that's good," Mama Knight said. "You guys were hanging out less." she glanced at Kendall, then at Logan. "But I know you need your space."

The best friends nodded. Better to be vague and straightforward.

"Did the girls have fun?" she asked, crossing her arms.

James let out a yelp. Carlos jumped back. Logan just looked at the floor.

She smiled, looking at them expectantly. Or maybe it was a mama-knows-all look. Either way, it put fear in their souls.

"Um..." Kendall muttered, deciding he should be the one to talk. She was _his_ mother.

"Boys, why didn't you just tell me? You can tell me anything." She sighed. "But I think we need to have a talk." Averting her eyes, she added, "The talk."

"Mom!" Kendall practically yelled. His face was already crimson. The other three weren't far behind reaching that hue. "We already had the talk."

Mama Knight nodded. "Yes, back in Minnesota."

"And when I was dating Jo," Kendall said.

"And when I dated Camille," Logan added quietly.

"Well, I just want to make sure that you guys be safe," she said, shifting her body. "California girls are different than girls back home."

"Mama Knight, nothing happened with the girls," Carlos said, choosing his words carefully so he didn't lie. "They're our friends."

"Yeah, nothing happened with them," James said.

"No matter who with, whether with Camille, or Stephanie, or any other girl, please use protection." She still looked slightly uncomfortable, but she was holding her ground.

She received four head nods.

"Good. I'm glad you guys had fun." She shrugged. "You know, if you guys would have asked, I would have said yes."

"Really?" James asked. "We didn't think you would."

"I trust you guys. So trust me when I say this: I will give you freedom if you stay honest with me."

Again, they just nodded.

"Okay, you guys can go."

"Thanks mom!" Kendall exclaimed, jumping up. The four turned their separate ways, practically running.

_Smack!_

"Ow!" Katie yelled, now lying on the floor. She had just come in when she was assaulted by her big brother.

"Sorry, Katie," the blond apologized, extending his hand.

She didn't take it. Swiftly, she stood back up. "So how was the trip?"

Oh shit, Kendall remembered. She knew. She didn't know that Kendall and Logan knew that she knew. "Katie, let's go to our room for a sec." Without waiting for an answer, he turned and headed in the said direction.

Logan followed right behind him, remembering what James and Carlos had told them. This was going to be awkward.

"Katie, why don't you sit down?" Kendall suggested as he shut and locked the door.

"No," she replied, "not until you tell me why you assaulted me – and why we're in here now."

"Fine." He sat down next to Logan, who was sitting on the edge of his bed. Looking at Katie, he reached for his boyfriend's hand. After a deep breath, he stated, "We're secretly dating."

The 11-year-old shrugged. "I knew that."

"And we knew that you knew. I just wanted to tell you personally."

"Took you guys long enough," she scoffed. "I was going to ask you guys about it soon."

"How long have you known?" Logan asked, not looking at her.

"For a while now..." She thought for a moment. "When you guys were in the car accident. Kendall was so upset; you could just see it in his eyes. It was love."

Logan slightly smiled. "That was our first date."

It was silent for a moment.

"So are you okay with us?" Kendall asked.

"Love is love," she shrugged. "Just please don't make out in front of me."

"Well, we're not ready to come out yet," Logan said as Kendall whined, "Aw! I don't get to scar my baby sister?"

Katie smiled. "You already did that, big brother. Long ago."

The three of them laughed.

"When are you gonna tell Mom?" she asked, getting serious again.

The blond sighed. "When we're ready. This is hard."

His sister nodded. "I get it."

"Thank you," Logan mumbled, looking only at Kendall. "I know you want to just shout it to the world. Thank you for waiting."

Kendall leaned in. "I will wait forever for you. With you."

"I'm going to leave now, before you do scar me," Katie stated, heading towards the door.

"Thanks, Katie," the blond said, not looking away from Logan.

Their lips met as soon as the door was shut. It was slow, sweet. It said what they couldn't say out loud, showed what they wanted.

Logan leaned back, pulling Kendall with him.

* * *

><p>"Have fun!" Kendall called out the door, waving. His mom and sister were leaving to go trick-or-treating.<p>

It was Halloween.

The Palm Woods had open trick-or-treating to residents that wanted to participate. Katie was going to go around, dressed as Cleopatra. Then, Mama Knight was taking her to a rich neighborhood. Katie wanted candy – good, plentiful candy.

James and Carlos were going to a costume party with some other Palm Woods kids.

That left Kendall and Logan alone in the apartment. They were going to hand out candy and watch TV.

This Halloween, they didn't have to perform. They got this holiday off. Everyone was excited about that.

Kendall was sitting on the couch, watching his guilty pleasure: _Ghost Adventures_. He found Zak Bagans extremely attractive.

Logan walked in from the kitchen, holding a large bowl of candy. "Whatcha doing?"

Kendall blushed and reached for the remote. He knew Logan was a skeptic and found the show stupid. But it was too late; Logan saw the TV.

"You're watching this?" Logan asked with an amused tone. He sat down next to his boyfriend.

"I can change the channel if you want me to," Kendall said.

"No, let's watch it," the brunette replied, resting his head on the blonde's shoulder.

Logan would laugh at some evidence they caught and Kendall would threaten to change the channel. It was like that through the whole episode.

_Knock knock!_

Logan jumped, knocking the candy bowl on the ground.

"Ha!" Kendall exclaimed. "You were getting jumpy!"

Logan just brushed him off, getting the candy off the floor. There were trick-or-treaters at the door. After he gave them their candy, he returned to Kendall.

The blond had a smirk on his face.

"Okay, fine!" Logan said in defeat. "I got jumpy from _Ghost Adventures_!"

The grin just got bigger as he kissed his boyfriend.

* * *

><p><strong>More to come!<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**What? An update so soon? Well, this was going to be a part of Chapter 7, but it worked better by itself. Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>"So did you have a good birthday?" Logan asked, closing and locking their bedroom door.<p>

The blond turned around and smiled. "Best birthday ever!"

"Oh really?" his boyfriend mused. "I haven't given you my gift yet."

The thick eyebrows furrowed. "Yes you did, it was-." A finger was on his lips.

"Shh," the brunette whispered. "You're ruining it." With that, he crashed their lips together, instantly thrusting his tongue down Kendall's throat.

Though startled at first, Kendall quickly fell in sync with Logan. In fact, he let Logan dominate him, let him press his body impossibly closer.

The brunette pulled off his boyfriend to breathe. With that second, he pulled his own shirt off and tossed it somewhere in the room. Then, he pressed Kendall against the door, making him lose his just-caught breath.

As Logan trailed his mouth down his body, Kendall started to think with his head and not with his dick. Where did this Logan come from? he asked himself, though his thoughts were incoherent from the touches. He never acted with such… lust. Yes, that was the look in those gorgeous, brown eyes. And honestly, it was a huge turn on.

"Logie?" Kendall managed to gasp out.

But the brunette wasn't looking at him. No, he was playing with the bottom of Kendall's shirt. With his tongue.

"Logie…" the blond moaned when he felt the wet muscle on his flesh. Back to thinking with his dick.

Brown eyes looked up at him. "I want to give you my present: me."

This statement actually made Kendall stop and realize what was going on. They had talked about how far they want to go. A couple days ago, a certain boyfriend was not ready to go all the way. Now he was instigating it?

He wanted Logan more than anything. He wanted to feel Logan, to be inside of him. But the boy he knew was not ready.

That's when Kendall blew away the cloud of lust that was in front of his eyes. That's when he smelled the air and realized the foul taste in his mouth. That's when he heard the slurred tone.

"Logan, did you _drink_ at the party?" the blond asked, grabbing his boyfriend's wrists, making him stop in the middle of taking off his boyfriend's pants. To Kendall's knowledge, Logan had never consumed alcohol before.

A pout formed on the drunken boy's face. "Only a little…"

"Dear Lord," Kendall muttered, letting go. This was not like his boyfriend at all.

Hands were on his pants. Unbuttoning them.

"Logan, you're drunk," Kendall stated. This didn't stop the brunette, hell-bent on his mission. "Logan, stop!" Kendall yelled, this time having affect.

"What?" he asked, his eyes now expressing extreme sadness. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No!" he said, his voice suddenly sweet. "But Logie, you're drunk. Why?"

"I was nervous," Logan shrugged. "I wanted to give myself to you on your birthday."

"So you drank alcohol?" Kendall questioned. "That doesn't sound like you."

"I wanted to make your birthday special, like you did mine," he said, looking away now. "I was scared." He looked like he was about to cry.

Oh shit. Logan was an emotional, horny drunk. Who would have guessed that? The blond pulled his boyfriend to his bed and sat down with him. He then pulled him close, wrapping his arms around the now-shaking body.

"Wanna tell me why you drank alcohol?" he asked soothingly, rubbing his hand down the brunette's back.

"I was ready to have sex," he whispered. "I am. I had mentally prepared myself. In fact, I bought condoms and lubricant – it's in the drawer. I was going to find you after the party was done and go back to our room together. Then, I was going to tell you that I was ready."

He took a deep breath. "But then I got scared. What if you said no? What if you didn't like it? What if it hurt too much and we had to stop? I wanted it to be perfect."

Kendall nodded, wiping away the tears that were falling from the brown eyes. "Is this where the beer comes in?"

"You can tell?" Logan asked, then went back to his slurred story. "I saw the cooler, and I reached for one. Then it was gone. Like that, it was gone. And I wanted another. And another. After a while, I forgot what I was doing and where I was. Then I saw you and remembered my mission."

They sat in the silence for a while.

"Logan, I want you," Kendall whispered, "but not like this. Understand?"

The brunette just nodded; he was falling asleep in the blonde's arms.

Kendall leaned back against the bed, taking the shirtless boy with him. Instinctively, Logan curled against Kendall's chest.

"Kendall?" he mumbled, his eyes closed.

"Yeah, Logie?" he replied.

"I love you…" His voice trailed off.

* * *

><p>Pain shot through Logan's head when he woke up against Kendall. The second thing he felt was a hand running through his hair. The third thing he felt was nausea.<p>

"Morning, Logie," Kendall whispered, still running his hand through the brunette hair.

"What happened last night?" He asked, slowly sitting up. Bad idea. Everything swirled around, blurry.

"Easy, there," his boyfriend said, holding on to him. "You had a rough night."

He shot the blond a confused look. "What happened last night?" he asked again. He then realized that he was shirtless. Kendall's pants were undone.

"You don't remember anything?" he asked, his voice inflicting amusement.

"No, I don't," Logan replied honestly. "Ugh, I feel like throwing up…"

Kendall chuckled. "Well, I guess I'll tell you then."

"Please," Logan said.

"Well… Logan, you tried to seduce me last night."

Logan almost fell off the bed, and not because the room was spinning. "I what?"

"You were drunk last night," the blond stated, "and you tried to seduce me."

Holy shit. "I was drunk?" he asked, completely shocked. "When – how – did I get drunk?"

"You told me that, actually, after you broke down," Kendall said.

"I broke… down?" This had to be a joke. But this would explain why it felt like his head was splitting in half.

"You said that you reached for a beer to calm yourself before you went to find me," Kendall explained. "You were going to bring me up here and tell me you were ready."

Logan glanced at the bedside drawer. What Kendall said was right. His plan was to, after the party, take him up to their room and tell him. That was the last thing he remembered thinking.

"I am so sorry," the brunette apologized. "Whatever I did, I am so sorry."

"I guess the saying is true: drunken words are sober thoughts." Kendall chuckled again.

"What did I say?" Logan asked, terrified. Did he tell him what had been on his mind lately? Besides him being ready to go all the way?

"Well, you said that you were ready to have sex," Kendall said. "I checked the drawer to make sure you weren't drunk-lying."

"I didn't mean for you to find out that way… I wanted to make your 18th birthday an unforgettable one," Logan said, face red.

"Oh, you did that," Kendall said, smiling. "I will never forget seeing you drunk for the first time."

"Ha ha…" Logan mumbled. "Glad I could make you laugh."

Hi face got suddenly serious. "Logan, I want to have sex with you. But I think we should wait until it feels… right? Not forced or planned?"

The brunette nodded. "Okay. We'll see what happens." He leaned in to kiss his boyfriend.

The blond didn't close the gap. "Logie, you still smell like beer."

Logan nodded and got off the bed. This set the dizziness back, which added the nausea. Quickly, he ran to the bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time.

After emptying his stomach, he heard Kendall call out, "Now your mouth smells like vomit!"

"I expect a kiss when I come back!" he called back. Thankfully, no one else was up.

While in the shower, Logan thanked the Lord that he didn't tell Kendall what had been on his mind. He wasn't ready for those feelings to come out yet. He didn't even know what they meant.

* * *

><p>A few days later, Kendall was still thinking of what Drunk Logan had told him. Did he really love him? But the bigger question here was: did Kendall love Logan?<p>

Even though they barely had time for each other, that didn't stop their relationship from growing. All Kendall could think about was Logan. Was that a sign of love?

Or was love when you knew who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Kendall didn't think he could live without Logan. Every day, he woke up with Logan in his arms. They could talk about anything, from pizza toppings to abortion.

He could trust Logan with his life. Was that love?

No matter what the definition was, Kendall felt it. And that scared the living shit out of him. He was 18! He was in a boy band! He shouldn't have these feeling for anyone, let alone another member, who was his secret boyfriend. But he was.

And his significant other apparently felt the same way.

"Kendall, you okay?" Logan asked, shaking him from his thoughts. Looking around the table, he saw five pairs of eyes staring back at him.

"Sorry, I guess I zoned out." He went back to eating, and so did the others. He felt a squeeze on his hand under the table. When he looked at his boyfriend, he saw Logan smiling at him. His eyes said _we'll talk later_.

James, Carlos, and Katie saw the exchanged look between the couple. Mama Knight was oblivious, talking to Katie about her audition the next day.

But the three could see the love, even if the couple themselves didn't.

"Well, I'm going down to the gym after dinner," Mama Knight announced after dinner. "Help me clean up."

That night, Logan walked into their bedroom behind Kendall and shut and locked the door. "So, you looked pretty out of it at dinner." It was a statement.

The blond shrugged. "I was thinking about the album. It's almost done!"

Logan smiled. "I know. And it's amazing." He moved closer to Kendall, closing the gap and increasing the sexual tension between the two.

"You're amazing," Kendall whispered, wrapping his arms around the small waist.

"And again, I know." With that, he connected their lips, slow and innocent.

This time, Kendall was in charge. And they both preferred it that way.

The kisses were slow, passionate, needy. Not counting Kendall's birthday, they really hadn't had time to each other.

Logan opened his mouth, granting Kendall access. With that move, things started to get more heated.

The brunette reached up and grabbed Kendall's hair, making the blond moan. Kendall pulled his boyfriend closer, hands going down his back. When they got to their destination, he cupped his hands around him. Guiding him, he pulled them onto his bed.

"You sure?" the blond asked, stopping their make out session.

"Kendall, I want you inside me," was the panted reply.

That was perfectly enough for him. "Just stop me if you need to. It'd be okay."

Logan just nodded. He pulled off his shirt, then reached for Kendall's. After those articles were gone, the blond went to take off his boyfriend's pants, practically elated to see the bulge there. In one motion, he pulled off his pants and his boxers.

The brunette gasped when the cold air hit him. Then, a moan escaped with he felt Kendall on him. When he looked down, Kendall's mouth was the head of his member, licking it with his tongue. He could have come right there.

Hollowing his cheeks, Kendall moved closer to Logan, taking him in his mouth. Once he reached the base, he started to bob his head up and down.

"Kendall…" Logan moaned out, pulling on the blond hair. He had to fight the urge to trust. It didn't take long before he felt that familiar feeling in his stomach.

"Kendall, stop…" the brunette managed to gasp out.

The blond slowly, painfully slowly, pulled off of Logan, trailing his tongue as he did. "Yeah?"

"You have too many clothes on," Logan replied.

Kendall chuckled and quickly pulled off his pants and boxers.

Logan bit the bottom of his lip. "I need you inside me. Now." His eyes sparkled with want. That's all he wanted in this moment.

The blond reached across the bed, towards the drawer. After pulling out the contents, he looked back at Logan. "You sure?"

"Yes!" he practically shouted back.

Kendall laughed. "I'm glad my mom is still at the gym." After that statement, he took the lube and spread it on his right-hand fingers. "Last chance?"

"Kendall, just fuck me already!"

"Okay," he replied. "Spread your legs."

Logan quickly obliged.

"This is gonna hurt…" Kendall murmured as he inserted one digit into Logan. The brunette winced, but didn't say anything.

When the second finger entered him, he hissed in pain.

"It's okay, Logie," he whispered. With his other hand, he rubbed circles on his boyfriend's hip. His right hand made scissor motions inside of him.

After Kendall added a third finger, that's when it hurt. "We're almost there, Logie," he whispered, curling his fingers.

Logan gasped. Suddenly it was pleasure, pure please. "Right there!"

Kendall brushed his fingers against his prostate again. Logan's face scrunched up as he gripped the covers. "God, Kendall, right there!"

"You like that?" the blond asked, voice low.

"Yes!" he moaned out, moving his hips.

Kendall slowly pulled his fingers out, causing a pout to form on Logan's face. The statement, "I think you're ready," though, made it all better.

Quickly, he slipped on the condom. The blond positioned himself, his cock touching the Logan's entrance. He slowly pushed himself into his boyfriend. God, he was so tight.

"Ow…" Logan muttered, gripping the covers again.

When he was all the way in, he stopped. And he was going to wait until Logan told him to move.

After a minute, Logan nodded. "Go."

Kendall slowly pulled back out until just his head was in Logan. Then he thrusted back in, moaning as he did.

On the third thrust, Kendall hit Logan's prostate again.

"Kendall," he gasped out, arching his back. "Faster!"

The blond did as he was told, increasing the movement of his hips.

Logan reached for his own member, but Kendall swatted his hand away. He then pumped his boyfriend, in sync with their body movements.

"Kenny, I'm close…" Logan gasped, using a new nickname.

"Me, too…" the blond replied.

After one more thrust, Logan let go, screaming out "Kendall!", covering both of their chests with his white seed.

Seeing Logan let go set Kendall off. He rode out his orgasm, then pulled out. He collapsed next to Logan on the bed.

"That was amazing," Logan whispered.

"Yeah," Kendall whispered back. "Hopefully we didn't wake anyone up."

"Oh well," Logan smiled. "I guess I'm loud."

"It's hot," the blond commented, "and adorable."

"How do those things go together?"

Kendall pulled him closer. "I don't know. But you're both."

Logan laughed, then sighed. "I'm tired."

This time Kendall laughed. "I imagine you are. Go to sleep."

"Sing to me?"

As Kendall sang, Logan slowly drifted to sleep. They were both thinking the same thing, though. These feelings were more than like. But was it love? So many things were going on. Now maybe it was time to tell Mama Knight?

What ever happened, though, they had each other. And that's all that mattered.

* * *

><p><strong>Please review! Chapter 9 is going to be a Thanksgiving they never forget! :D<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**This chapter was a lot of fun to write! **

**Wow, I can't believe how far this story has gone! It's more than halfway done!**

**By the way, the smut scene in the last chapter? Yeah, first smut I've ever written. Don't judge me!**

**Thank you to** _sylarbadass_ **and** _OuToFmYmInDbAcKiN5MiNuTeS_ **(one of my favorite authors on FF!) for your reviews!**

**Now on with the story!  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"So we're really going to tell my mom tomorrow?"<p>

Logan, sitting on Kendall's bed, looked up from his book. "Kenny, we've been over this. Don't make me actually change my mind." Ever since their first time, Logan started using that nickname.

The blond paced around their bedroom. "No, you said that we could. I just wanna go over the game plan."

Sighing, Logan put the bookmark in the pages and closed it. "Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. We are going to sit down with your mother and tell her that we're dating."

"Before we eat," the blond added.

"Yes, before we eat," he amended. "Did I forget anything else?"

"Nope!" his boyfriend said, moving closer to the bed. "That's perfect." He leaned down and kissed Logan's forehead. "I thought you were tired. You're in your pajamas."

The brunette shrugged. "It's hard to fall asleep when I'm not in your arms."

Kendall didn't know what to say. "Is this why you always wait for me?"

Logan shrugged again. "Ever since that first night in June, I can't sleep unless your arms are around me."

The blond went straight to his dresser and pulled out a pair of sweatpants. Swiftly, he took off his shirt and jeans, and put on the gray material. Then, he went back towards the bed and climbed in.

"Kendall, you don't have to do this," Logan started, "I was fine with reading-"

But the blond cut him off when he placed a kiss on Logan's cheek. "I don't want to keep you from sleeping. And I'm tired, too."

Blushing, Logan stated, "You're adorable."

"Don't call me adorable!" Kendall said, fake annoyed.

"But you are!" he exclaimed, burying his face in Kendall's collarbone.

"Fine," Kendall laughed, "but if I'm adorable, then you're beautiful."

"I can live with that," the brunette mumbled.

"Goodnight, Logie," whispered the blond, reaching over and turning off the light.

"Night, Kenny…"

* * *

><p>Kendall woke up, Logan still in his arms.<p>

Today was Thanksgiving. Today was the day that they would come out to his mother. And honestly? He would never tell Logan this, but he was scared shitless. Would she make them change rooms? Split up?

No, she was okay with homosexuality. She would be okay with them dating. Plus, she loved Logan like a son.

She would accept them.

But the blond had never heard her actually say that she was okay with gays. Maybe she really wasn't?

No. She would love them no matter what.

Deciding it was better to do something, rather than just lay there and worry, he got up to take a shower. He was getting skilled at getting up without waking his sleeping boyfriend. Lately, he seemed to be getting up before him.

Maybe he would beat James to the shower and actually get warm water. Since he would normally get up last, his showers were cold and short, with no pleasure. Not that he did that recently. He did have a boyfriend who he was now sexually active with.

Nope, someone was already in the bathroom. Now what? He couldn't go back to sleep. But he didn't want to just sit and silently freak out.

Kendall hated feeling like this. He was the fearless and calm leader! He didn't worry about anything! But somehow he knew if his mom denied him, he would break down.

Glancing at the clock on the microwave, the little, green lights told him that it was 5:42. That was just pathetic. His mom would be up soon to work on the food, though. Maybe he would go back to bed and worry some more. He couldn't be out here when she came out.

A saving grace happened; the bathroom door opened, releasing a wet James. The pretty boy yelped out in surprise when he saw a messy-haired, dark under-eyed figure leaning against the counter. "Kendall, what are you doing up?"

"I couldn't sleep," the blond whispered.

"Oh," he replied immediately. "Right. You two are telling Mama Knight today."

"Yeah. I guess I'm more nervous than I thought I would be."

James just nodded. "You know, I think you were secretly glad that Logan didn't wanna tell your mom. I mean, she's your _mom_. Her opinion and love matters to you."

Kendall's mouth all but dropped. "Since when did you think so deep? And be right?"

He just shrugged back at him. "Hey, I don't think about myself all the time," he said. Then he whipped out a handheld mirror from his pajama bottoms. "Although, I'm so handsome that I should," he added, doing his signature finger wiggle.

"Thanks James," Kendall said, walking away, towards the bathroom. The mirror was steamy and the air was heavy, but it was a distraction. And that's what he needed.

After a too-quick shower, Kendall got out. It didn't really help. But hey, at least he was clean.

With only a towel wrapped around his waist, he walked back to his room. It was 6:14; his mom would be out in the kitchen soon.

Logan was still asleep when he got back, uncaught. Slowly, Kendall took the towel off and started to get dressed. What do you wear when you come out of the closet?

"Kenny?"

The blond jumped forward, knocking his knee into the dresser. This caused him to cuss out in pain and fall to the floor.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" Logan yelled, leaping out of bed. "I didn't mean to scare you like that!"

"I thought you were asleep," Kendall muttered from the floor. "Bet you enjoyed the view."

The brunette blushed, but held out his hand. "Want some help?"

Kendall took the hand and stood up. Logan then shot him an amused look. That's when he looked down and saw the double meaning of what Logan had said.

Sadly, he shook his head. "My mom should be up now. I don't wanna do anything with her a room away."

Logan nodded, but questioned, "We've done stuff with her home before?"

"Yeah, I know," Kendall said, "but not the day we're coming out to her. I'd hate for her to find out that way."

Logan nodded again. "I understand. You should get dressed though, or I'll have the same problem. Kiss?"

Kendall obliged to Logan, then started getting dressed. He decided on the classic: plaid shirt, skinny jeans, Vans, and a beanie. Better to be comfortable when you come out, my dear.

After that, he waited for Logan to come back from the shower. No way was he going out there alone.

Everyone in the apartment that knew, aka everyone _but_ Kendall's mom, supported the couple. But Kendall didn't want Logan to leave his side today.

There was that feeling again. He didn't have a name for it; he was scared to call it by its true name. Maybe he didn't want to believe it? Regardless, it was there. And it was stronger.

Ever since their – Kendall was just going to say it – love making earlier that month, those feelings had been enormously increased.

Logan came back into the room, fully clothed and hair styled. Kendall didn't even realize that Logan had grabbed clothes to change into. He also didn't realize that he had been worrying for the past ten minutes. Time flies.

"You okay?" the brunette asked, concern evident on his face.

Quickly nodding, Kendall replied, "Yeah. I'm just excited to finally tell my mom."

Logan nodded back, though not falling for Kendall's bullshit.

The blond closed the gap between the two. "No matter what, we tell her?"

Logan leaned in, their foreheads now touching. "Yes, Kenny. We are telling your mother today."

With that answer still fresh, the couple shared a quick kiss. Then, it was time to face the music.

* * *

><p>All morning, the five children helped Mama Knight with everything she asked. And there was a lot. There was the turkey, of course. But then there were mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn, green beans, yams, cranberry sauce, homemade rolls, and three kinds of pie.<p>

To be honest, none of them thought that there'd be this much food. It was only the six of them! They was no way that they could eat this all.

And, it was very difficult to get Mama Knight alone. It was almost time to eat lunch. Kendall and Logan had tried four times already to try and talk to her. But the closest they ever got was walking towards the bright, orange couch.

Logan and Kendall were now in the kitchen, working on the mashed potatoes. James and Carlos were setting the table. Most of the food was on the table now.

"Mom, _why_ are we making this much food?" Kendall asked the same time as Carlos asked, "Mama Knight, why are there eight plates?"

The redhead looked up from her apple pie. "Didn't I tell you guys? I invited Gustavo and Kelly."

Kendall nearly dropped the kettle of potatoes. "No, you didn't tell us."

"Oh. Well," Mama Knight said, going back to what she was doing, "they are."

Logan looked nervously at the clock, then at Kendall. They had to do it now. No way were they going to tell Gustavo and Kelly. They never planned on telling them.

The blond had the same look on his face. "Mom, we really need to talk to you. It can't wait anymore."

"Okay…" she replied, following them to the couch. She sat opposite of them.

The couple couldn't believe she just followed them this time. Why was this so easy all of a sudden?

James, Carlos, and Katie retreated into the hallway. They didn't want to be in the room when they came out, but they surely wanted to listen.

Kendall took a deep breath. "Mom, I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it." He glanced at Logan one more time.

_Ding!_

"Oh, the yams are done!" She stood up and started walking back to the kitchen.

"Mom, this really can't wait!" Kendall yelled, standing up as well.

"Honey, it'll just take one second," she said. "Tell me right now if it's so important."

"I really want to talk to you face-to-face! _We_ really want to talk you!"

Logan sighed, rising also. "Kendall, just let it go. Maybe tonight we can tell her?"

The blond shook his head. "No. We're telling her right now."

Mama Knight, carrying the bowl of yams, walked back out of the kitchen.

"Mom, we need to tell you something," Kendall stated, going for it. This was it.

"Kendall, let me get this out of my hands," she replied. "Then we can talk."

"Mom, it can't wait any longer!" He reached for his boyfriend's hand.

"Kendall, just-"

"Logan and I are dating!"

Everything went in slow motion then. The yams crashed to the floor, the orange lumps and glass ricocheting everywhere. Someone spewed liquid out of their mouth.

That's when Kendall noticed James, Carlos, and Katie giving them the abort-mission hand motions.

"What?" Mama Knight asked quietly, ignoring the mess on the floor and the other members of the family. She walked closer to them.

Kendall sat down suddenly, taking Logan down with him. "I said that we're dating."

She sat down across from them again. "But then that means..."

The blond looked down, squeezing Logan's hand. "We're both gay."

Silence. Not a single movement in the apartment.

After a moment, Kendall dared to look up. This was the moment of truth.

Mama Knight was looking at their hands, still intertwined and gripping each other for dear life.

"Mom?" Kendall asked quietly.

"How did I not see it?" she whispered, more to herself than anyone else. "It's totally obvious."

"Mom?" the blond said again, a little louder this time. His voice cracked, though.

She looked up, connecting her eyes with her son's. They were bright, wide. You could see the light bulb on. "I love you, Kendall." Then her eyes averted to the brunette. "I love you both."

Logan felt Kendall instantly relax. He felt his muscles do the same.

"It will take me some time to get used to it," she whispered, "but I'm okay with you two."

"Thank you," the blond breathed back, a tear escaping.

They both stood up and connected in a hug. Kendall hung on to her, all of his worries gone. He could breathe again.

After the two let go, Mama Knight hugged her son's boyfriend. "Thank you for telling me," she whispered in his ear.

Logan nodded, then looked forward at Kendall. "Oh," he mumbled, reaching towards him. With his thumb, he wiped away the tears that were falling down his cheeks. "We did it."

Kendall nodded and reached for Logan's face. That's when Logan realized that he was crying, too.

"Well," Mama Knight said, "Let's try to eat now? We'll talk later." Her words brought them back to reality.

James and Carlos were currently cleaning up the yams and the glass. They clearly heard and saw everything.

Katie was giving the couple a thumbs up. "Not the best timing, big brother, but I'm proud of you."

"Wait," said Mama Knight, looking at her two children. "Katie, you knew?"

"Mama Knight, we all knew," Carlos stated. Then he glared at the couple. "You ruined my favorite Thanksgiving food!"

Kendall just shrugged.

"Good Job!" the Latino said, smiling, and went back to the mess.

"Who else knows?" Mama Knight asked, a worried-yet-amused look on her face. She noticed the table. So did James, Carlos and Katie.

"Um…" Kendall started, "Camille, Stephenie…"

"Jo…" Logan added.

"A waitress at an Olive Garden…"

Logan smiled. "A nurse at the hospital."

Then they both laughed and said at the same time, "An old lady at Wal-Mart!"

Mama Knight was about to question the last one, but decided not to. Instead, she pointed at the table where all the food was. "You forgot two people."

And that's when Kendall and Logan looked at the table and saw Gustavo and Kelly sitting there. With shocked faces. And liquid spewed out in front of Gustavo.

So that's where that noise came from. And that would explain why the three were giving them the abort-mission hand signals.

"Oh, shit," Kendall muttered, louder than he thought.

"Kendall!" his mom scolded, but he didn't care. He and Logan did not want to deal with this. They never planned on telling them unless they wanted to come out publicly.

Surprising to everyone, Gustavo was silent. He looked like he honestly didn't know what to say.

Deciding this was for the best, the blond grabbed Logan's wrist and dragged him over to the table. They needed to explain it now.

"Gustavo," Kendall started, "Kelly, we didn't want you to find out this wa-"

"Why does this always happened?" Gustavo roared, interrupting him. "Why? Every time! Every single boy band!"

"Excuse me?" Logan asked quietly. They figured he would yell, but he wasn't at _them_.

"In every boy band that I have produced, two members end up dating!" he explained loudly.

"Which is to be expected," Kelly added. "I mean, the statistic is in favor, and being in a boy band isn't exactly _macho_."

"Yes, but," Gustavo continued, "it's always the leader with the smart boy! Every single time!"

Now Kendall and Logan didn't know what to say. This was interesting news. But hey, he wasn't yelling at them.

"So are you okay with us?" Kendall asked.

"Yes," the oversized producer said, almost smiling. "I just figured the gay one would be James."

"Hey!" the pretty boy yelled from the kitchen.

"The biggest question is whether or not you want to come out publicly," Kelly said, smiling also. "I'm guessing no, since you didn't want us to know."

"We don't want to," the couple said at the same time.

"Okay, then."

"Let's eat!" Mama Knight said, carrying over a basket of rolls. "Everyone sit."

Gustavo was at one head of the table. To his right were Kelly, Logan and Kendall. Katie was at the end. To her right were Mama Knight, James and Carlos.

Everyone started serving themselves, passing dishes. Yet, everyone was looking and Kendall and Logan. Now that everyone knew… would they act like a couple?

The couple wondered that, too. Now they could hold hands, flirt freely, kiss… What they wanted was now here. Time to test the waters.

After all the food was passed around, Kendall grabbed Logan's hand, like he always did when they ate. Except this time, he didn't try to hide it.

Katie just rolled her eyes. They just had to be so disgustingly cute.

Mama Knight saw the hands and the eye rolling. "Is this something normal?"

Logan blushed, seeing Kendall's plan. This was going to get interesting.

"We've held hands at every meal," Kendall stated, "ever since we started dating."

His mom nodded, taking a bite of turkey. "So how long have you two been dating?"

"Well, after Jo left, we told each other," the blond answered.

"So Jo was just a cover up?"

Kendall nodded.

"Well, I never really liked her," Mama Knight said, making some people choke on their food. "What? It's true!"

"Camille was my cover up," Logan said, speaking up.

Mama Knight nodded. "I figured. So you two have been dating since June?"

"Well, our first date was in late July," Kendall answered.

"The night of the accident," Logan added. "We were coming home."

The woman smiled. "I can see it now. Kendall was so worried."

The questions died down for a while. It was nice to have everyone together, to not argue, to just enjoy each other. The last time they had this was last Christmas, when they couldn't go to Minnesota. But Gustavo and Kelly were their family here.

"Logan, would you like another roll?" Kendall asked, knowing he would. His mom's homemade rolls were Logan's favorite.

The brunette nodded, smiling.

"James, can you hand me the basket?"

The pretty boy handed the blond the basket with a smirk. "You do everything for him?"

"James," Kendall said angrily, glaring. He didn't have to be a smart ass right now.

"Kenny," Logan said warningly, not wanted the two to ruin dinner.

"_Logie_," the blond retorted back.

"Stop being so disgustingly cute!" Katie yelled, breaking this game.

The three looked around. Everyone else had stopped eating to listen.

"Aww, you two have nicknames!" Kelly exclaimed, causing Logan to blush again.

Suddenly, Mama Knight asked, "You've been dating for five months. Are you two sexually active?"

"MOM," Kendall exclaimed, eyes wide.

Logan's hue increased.

Everyone stopped eating, some forks falling to the floor.

"Mom," Kendall said again, only looking at her. "Why would you ask something like that? While we're all eating?"

"Sorry!" she replied, a sheepish look on her face. "It just popped in my head. We'll talk later."

"On that note," Gustavo said, standing up, "I think it's time we go."

"But you haven't had dessert yet," Mama Knight said, knowing her outburst was the cause of this.

Kelly stood up as well. "I think we'll be fine." Then she looked at the four boys. "Monday morning, 7 a.m. Thanks for lunch!" With that, they left.

It was now completely awkward. No one felt like eating after that. In fact, the second everything was put away, the five of them left the apartment. James, Carlos, and Katie went to the pool. Kendall and Logan went to the park.

And they didn't come back until dinner.

Dinner had small talk, but nothing meaningful.

After dinner, Kendall and Logan sat back down on the couch. And again, Mama Knight sat across from them.

"So…" Mama Knight started. "While you guys were gone, I did some research."

"Oh my God," Kendall muttered, rubbing his head with his hands.

"It's just, I don't know about these things… I never thought that I would have this talk." Again, she looked uncomfortable, but held her ground.

"Yes, we're sexually active," he said, answering her question from earlier. "Yes, we use protection."

"Okay," she said. "I just want you to be safe. Thank you for telling me. Please, don't do anything with Katie here. I know she's more grown up than I want her to be, but still."

They nodded and both stood up.

"Logan, can I talk to Kendall for a moment?" she asked, still sitting.

The brunette nodded and left the room, with full intention to listen. He made his way past their room and to the top of the swirly slide.

"We've been dating for four months," Kendall said. "We don't count that first month."

"Oh, okay," his mom replied. "So you really like him?"

Logan heard Kendall laugh. "Yeah, I really do. I've liked him since we lived in Minnesota." Then his breath hitched. "Mom, I love him."

His ears heard movement, like she was moving closer to him. "I thought so. I always saw something, but then you started going out with Jo. And Logan was with Camille. Funny how things have a way of working out."

The two for quiet for a moment.

"Thank you for accepting us," Kendall whispered.

"Honey, I will always love you."

"I love you, too."

"Have you told Logan how you felt?" She murmured.

"No, not yet," Kendall replied. "But I think he feels the same way."

"Then you should tell him. Don't stay up too late."

"Thanks, Mom."

Logan heard them get up, so he hurried back to their room. Now what? He loved Kendall. He loved his boyfriend with all his heart. And Kendall just said the reciprocal.

The blond walked into their room quietly. When he saw Logan standing there, he smiled. "You were listening, weren't you?"

Logan nodded blushingly. "Yeah, I did. I have to tell you something."

"Logie, I love you."

The brunette faltered. "I wanted to say it first."

Smiling, Kendall closed the gap and kissed his forehead. "Logie, you did say it first." When he saw the confused look, he continued. "On my birthday, you told me you loved me. You were drunk, but you meant it."

Logan didn't know what to say. Kendall had lied to him about that night. He was confused with these feelings, making his brain spin. Nothing made sense. So he just said the words that made sense.

"Kendall, I love you."

"I know," the blond said, and pulled them onto his bed.

* * *

><p><strong>And they go to bed. I'm starting to sound like<strong> _Leviosa0812_**... Please review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Yes, I am still alive! Summer has begun, and I can write again! **

**Logan's on edge because of his mother, and Kendall says the wrong things. It happens.**

**Thank you to** _taystwin-14, Kathryn, sylarbadass, BTRluver, Mr. President,_ **and** _OuToFmYmInDbAcKiN5miNuTeS_ **for your reviews! Keep 'em coming!**

**If you haven't read **_The Logan Amendment_** yet, go do that!**

**Follow me on twitter for updates!  
><strong>

**Enjoy the KOGAN!**

* * *

><p>"Is there any time of day where you two <em>aren't<em> together?" James asked, walking into 2J.

Kendall laughed, tightening his grip on Logan. "No, not really. We're making up for lost time."

"Really, big brother?" Katie questioned from the couch. "That's how you're going to justify your clinginess?"

The blond sat down next to his sister. "Hey, it's the truth."

Logan sat next to him, their bodies pressed tightly together.

It had been about a month since they come out to Kendall's mom. They were still getting used to not having to hide. The two were still hesitant around Mrs. Knight.

Ironically, Kendall was more comfortable about showing affection around her, and it was his mother. He returned his arm around the brunette, pulling him into his lap.

Mama Knight walked into the living room, thinking that she heard the boys come in. "Did you still want to watch a movie?"

James and Carlos, in the kitchen making popcorn, yelled back, "Yeah!"

After Mama Knight, James, and Carlos were situated on the side, they started the movie. It was really late, and everyone was tired. But, this would probably be the last time to watch a movie together before the holidays.

This year, the clan was going to go to Minnesota for Christmas. Well, they were hoping. The track record wasn't good, but everything was in place. Their new CD _All Over Again_ was out and selling. Griffin had no plans of a Christmas EP. Tomorrow was their last rehearsal before their break. Everything was set.

Logan did have one worry. Even though it was still slightly awkward, Kendall's mom had accepted their relationship. While they were in Minnesota, the six of them were going to stay with Joanna. Her house was the biggest and would hold all of them.

But Logan was not ready to tell his mother about him dating Kendall, much less him being gay. He knew that she wasn't going to be okay with it. On the other hand, shouldn't he be honest with her? Sure she deserved the Worst Mother Ever award, but still. She was his mother. Logan needed to talk to Kendall about it. The blond could calm him down.

Like right now; Kendall could feel that Logan was tense. Slowly, he ran one hand through the soft, brunette hair. The other hand was now around his waist.

Not halfway through the movie, Logan was fast asleep. Kendall could feel himself start to slip under. Looking over at Katie, he saw that she was gone, too.

"We're going to bed," Kendall mumbled. He sluggishly pushed himself off the couch, shifting Logan into a bridal style hold. Logan stirred, curling into the blond's chest. Kendall stopped, worried that he woke him up. When he was sure he didn't, he started towards their room.

After gently setting Logan on his side of the bed, Kendall thought for a moment. Should he change Logan into pajama pants? Surely that would wake him up. Kendall was surprised that he was even still asleep.

Exhaling, he went into their drawers, pulling out two flannel bottoms. Deciding it would be easier, Kendall changed himself first.

Now he wondered how Logan would get in his. Well, if he woke up, oh well. First, Kendall pulled off the socks. Logan didn't move.

Now for the hard part. He swiftly popped the button on the jeans. Still no movement. Sighing in relief, he slowly pulled down the denim, all the way off.

Still the brunette did not wake up. Now for the hardest part. Kendall put each of Logan's legs through the flannel fabric. Then he slid it up, lifting his legs so the pajama pants could go around them.

His hands lingered around the brunette's lower waist, so soft. Logan was so self-conscious about himself sometimes. Kendall couldn't see why. Bending down, he kissed the flesh tenderly.

Pleased with his covert operation, he got off the bed and went around to his side. After pulling the covers around him, he turned to face open, chocolate brown eyes.

"Logan!" Kendall gasped, surprised to see his boyfriend awake.

"Did you just change my pants?" he asked, voice groggy.

"Were you awake the whole time?" Kendall asked back, ignoring Logan's question.

"I woke up when you picked me off the couch," Logan replied.

"Then you could have changed yourself," the blond said, pulling him close.

"Why would I stop you?" he whispered back.

"Turd."

* * *

><p>"Dogs!" Gustavo yelled, "I know that this is the last rehearsal before break. That's why I say this: IT'S THE LAST REHEARSAL BEFORE BREAK!"<p>

"Boys, we just don't want you to have forgotten everything when you come back," Kelly chimed in.

The four were covered in sweat, exhausted. They had been dancing for two hours straight.

"Twenty minute break, then 'Superstar' from the top!" Gustavo decided. With that, he, Kelly, and Mr. X walked out of the studio.

The first thing they did was run for their lives to their bags. Only after they chugged down whole bottles of water could they function.

"So what do you wanna do for twenty minutes?" James asked. They already knew every nook and cranny of the studio, but exploring was always fun.

"Honestly?" Logan said, sitting down on the hardwood floor. "I think I just want to relax."

"Well, you two can be boring," Carlos said, jumping up and down. "I don't want to be in here anymore than I have to."

"You automatically assume that I'm staying with Logan," Kendall said, smiling.

James raised his eyebrow. "We're not stupid, love birds."

As the two walked out of the studio, Kendall sat down next to Logan. "So today has been brutal."

"Yeah," the brunette sighed. He was the worst at dancing. Sometimes it was like he had two left feet, or the left and right feet were switched.

Kendall opened up his arms and legs. "Come here."

"But I'm all sweaty," Logan replied. "And so are you."

"Like that has stopped us before," Kendall said with a smirk.

"Perv…" he laughed, but scooted closer to his boyfriend. Lanky arms wrapped around him, almost in a protective way.

"So you excited to see everyone in Minnesota?" Kendall asked, chin resting on Logan's shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess," he answered truthfully. "It'll be nice to see everyone again."

"Like your mom," Kendall continued to press.

"Like my mother," Logan repeated, knowing where Kendall was going with this, "whom I don't know if we're going to tell or not yet."

"That's fine," the blond said, figuring that would be the answer. He himself was scared of Joanna. "We still have a week before deciding."

"Thanks," he whispered back, turning his head so their lips met.

Kendall kissed him back instantly, forgetting where they were. He flipped himself over so that he was on top of Logan.

"Hey!" the brunette laughed, eyes bright.

"Sorry, Logie," was his answer, though he was not sorry at all. He connected their lips again, desperate for that feeling again.

The twenty minutes flew by after that. In fact, the couple didn't notice that everyone else was approaching the studio.

"Okay, 'Superstar' from the top!" Gustavo said, walking into the room. "Remember, you're dancing, not-"

That's when he noticed half the band on the floor, making out. Logan was under Kendall, his hands running through the blond hair. Kendall's hands were on Logan's chest, the shirt pushed up.

Again, because of the couple, Gustavo was speechless. Never had he seen them _acting like a couple_. They held hands sometimes in the studio, but they were _going at it_.

James and Carlos just shrugged. When Mama Knight wasn't around, this scene wasn't so unfamiliar.

"Is someone going to stop them?" Kelly asked, her voice almost a whisper.

Gustavo seemed to find his voice. "DOGS!"

Kendall and Logan jumped, quickly separating. They looked up to see five sets of wide eyes.

"Kendall, Logan, in my office," Gustavo decided. "You two," he said, pointing to James and Carlos, "work with Mr. X."

The couple got to their feet, both faces crimson. They never planned on letting their boss see that. What would Gustavo say to them?

Gustavo silently headed to his office. This was not good.

Kendall and Logan followed him, not looking at their friends, Kelly, or Mr. X. In fact, neither looked up until they were behind shut doors in Gustavo's office.

"Okay, one," Gustavo started, leaning in, "I never wanted to see that. Two, I never want to see that again."

Kendall and Logan nodded.

"I'm okay with you two being together," he continued, "but don't make me dislike it."

They nodded again.

"You sure you two don't wanna go public?" he asked, smiling. "Girls would go crazy!"

Kendall answered first. "We're not going public!"

Gustavo shrugged. "All right. Think about the future. Now go get dancing!"

"Thanks!" the chorused, quickly getting up and leaving. The second they were in the lobby, they burst out into laughter.

* * *

><p>Later that night, they were helping Mrs. Knight with the list of things to pack. James, Carlos, and Katie were watching TV.<p>

"Mom, we still have a week," Kendall said, looking up from a piece of paper.

"Yes, but last year we barely finished in time," she replied. "Not that it mattered, but still. I want to be prepared this year."

Kendall looked over at the only decoration in the apartment; around the hockey table were six stockings, each detailed with a name. Nothing was in them. But hey, something had to get them in the Christmas spirit.

They were leaving on the 23rd so they could spend Christmas Eve with everyone. They would leave Minnesota on the 30th because 2J was hosting a New Year's Eve party.

Kendall had been thinking ever since his and Logan's talk in the studio. Should they tell Joanna? She was an interesting lady. Realistically, she could swing either way when it came to her acceptance. But he honestly didn't think that his own mother would be okay with them. Maybe Joanna would surprise everyone.

Logan had been on edge ever since they got caught. God, that was so embarrassing. He had also been thinking about his mother. No way was he going to accept him being gay, or him dating Kendall.

"Oh," Kendall's mom said, interrupting their thoughts. "Can you two take care of the dishes? Right side of the sink?"

The two got up and headed for the kitchen. Kendall started to put some plates away.

"Ken, you need to dry them first," Logan said, getting out a rag.

"Why?" he questioned, continuing what he was doing.

He reached for the new plate in the Kendall's hand. "You have to dry them first or they'll get water spots."

"What does it matter?" he asked. "We're just going to eat off them and wash them again."

Logan shook his head. "Yes, but it makes the dishes look unclean. Water spots look gross."

Kendall set the plate down. "I don't see what the big deal is."

The brunette sighed. "Just dry them, please."

Kendall laughed. "Logan, appearances aren't everything."

You could just hear the imaginary audience go "OH!"

"People judge, Kendall," he replied, looking away, voice filled with agitation.

"They're just dishes, Logan." Kendall didn't see what the big deal was.

"That's not the point, Ken!" he yelled suddenly. "You can't just think that opinions don't mater!"

"They don't!" Kendall replied, his voice rose to match Logan's. "We get judged every day for being in a boy band! Opinions shouldn't matter!"

"Well they do!" Logan exclaimed.

A light bulb went off. "Logie, your mother with accept us. She'll accept you."

"You don't know that!" Logan practically screeched. "She'll hate me!"

Kendall went to move closer, trying to comfort him. This was totally snow balling out of control.

"Don't touch me!" the brunette screamed, backing up into the sink.

"Fine! Don't let me help you!" Kendall yelled. Why was Logan being so defensive about this?

"You don't know my mother!"

"You're right, I don't!" the blond replied. "But I know you!" Then he chuckled. "At least I thought I did."

Logan's face scrunched up. "What do you mean by that?"

"Ever since my mom said that we were going to Minnesota for Christmas, you've been acting different. You were fine this afternoon, but you're like a switch!"

"A switch?" Logan scoffed. "What a great item to call your boyfriend."

Logie, you know what I-"

"Don't call me 'Logie' either!"

"Oh, grow up!" Kendall yelled. "You're making such a big fucking deal out of this!"

"You know what?" Logan said, walking away. "I'm going to bed."

"Fine!" Kendall yelled to his back.

He was about halfway to their bedroom. "Maybe I don't have to worry about telling my mother about us anymore!" He slammed the door behind him, echoing defiantly on the walls.

Kendall gripped the side of the counter. What the holy hell just happened? They were just taking care of the dishes! Did Logan just break up with him?

Head spinning, he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. No doubt that the four heard exactly what went down.

"Kendall?" his mother was the first to speak up. "Is everything all right?"

The blond shrugged. "I honestly don't know what just happened."

"Okay," she replied. "I think it's best if we all retreat to our separate rooms."

James, Carlos, and Katie got what Mama Knight meant. They said their goodnights, quickly disappearing from the battlefield.

"Whatever happens, honey, remember," his mother said, "you two love each other. Goodnight."

Kendall nodded, still not sure how they got into an argument. He knew that Logan was really scared of what his mother thought of him. Maybe he just snapped?

Sighing, he slunk down on the couch. He could have been more patient with him. He tended to push when pushing wasn't needed. Logan took impersonal things personal.

Yep. Kendall fucked up. Now how was he going to fix this fuckery?

Swiftly, he got off the orange cushion and headed towards their room. With any luck, he would still be awake.

No such luck. Kendall exhaled sharply when he saw what bed Logan was sleeping in: the untouched-for-five-months bed.

He had to get out of there. He couldn't sleep in his bed without his Logie. As soon as he changed, Kendall grabbed his pillow and blanket, then headed back to the couch.

But of course he couldn't sleep. The couch was a lonely abyss that held no comfort. He was used to having his arms wrapped protectively around the brunette.

At some point he must have drifted off, but it wasn't for long. From where he was, Kendall could see the clock. All he could do was watch it tick by slowly.

If Logan didn't want to tell his mother, they wouldn't. Kendall needed to respect that. Hopefully Logan would talk to him in the morning. He never wanted Logan to be mad at him. It felt like a part of him was missing.

In the middle of the night, Kendall knew that he was going insane. With his blurred vision, he saw Logan's figure leaning against the wall. The shadow started to come closer, details becoming clearer.

"Logan?" the blond whispered, sure this wasn't the real him. The real Logie was pissed at him.

Now the figure was at the backside of the couch. "Kendall?" it whispered back. "What are you doing out here?"

This Logan wasn't yelling at him. "I couldn't sleep in that bed, alone."

The brunette nodded. "I couldn't sleep either."

The two looked at each other before saying at the same time, "I'm sorry!"

"No, Logan, I'm sorry," Kendall said. "I never should have pushed you."

Logan walked over to the other side of the couch, to Kendall. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't have to be rude like that."

The blond opened his arms, quickly welcoming their longtime guest. "We don't have to tell your mother."

Logan shrugged against him. "You got me thinking. I have a wonderful family here. Screw her if she doesn't love me."

Kendall tightened his grip. "Really? You feel that way now?"

Logan leaned his head back. "No, not yet. But I want to."

"I love you," he whispered. "And I will support whatever decision you make."

The brunette turned his head so he could see green eyes. "I love you, too. Thank you for being patient."

He sighed. "I was so cold before. I couldn't sleep. I felt so alone."

Lightly kissing his cheek, Kendall whispered, "Me, too. I couldn't sleep without you."

Logan snuggled closer into Kendall's chest. "I hate fighting with you."

The blond just nodded, sleep taking him.

Within minutes, they were both asleep, bodies intertwined, souls reconnected.

Jennifer walked timidly into the living room. She didn't want to see her son sleeping there, still fighting with Logan.

She was slowly getting used to them dating. This past month, they were slowly showing affection in front of her. It was an adjustment for Jen, but she was okay with it. As long as they were both happy.

That why this fight upset her. As far as she knew, this was their first big fight. Those could make or break couples.

The sight in the living room made her smile. Kendall was on his back, arms wrapped around Logan. The brunette was on his stomach, on top of her son, head resting on Kendall's chest. Both were fast asleep.

Jen thought they were going to be just fine.

* * *

><p><strong>Please review! Christmas, like Thanksgiving, will be one they'll never forget!<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! So I managed to write a Christmas chapter with barely any Christmas! I guess that's what happens when it's June.  
><strong>

**There will be 3 more chapters after this. There will be no sequel.  
><strong>

**Thank you to **_Techno01 _**for the review on ch10! Thank you to all that have favorited/alerted this story!  
><strong>

**So I realize I'm inconsistent when it comes to Logan's parents. This chapter will clear any of that up.**

**Enjoy!  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"What?" Kendall asked, turning around in their bedroom. His ears must have still been filled with water from his shower. That's why he heard Logan wrong.<p>

"I said we're telling my mom about us," Logan repeated, checking his bag again.

The blond nearly fell over. "Are you serious?"

Logan simply nodded. "I've thought about it, and I've come to a conclusion. If she hates me, she hates me. I have this family here. I have you."

Kendall didn't know what to say. They had had the biggest fight of their relationship because of this topic. Logan was set in stone about not telling his mother. And now he changed his mind?

"I'm proud of you, Logie," he decided on, walking closer to his boyfriend.

"Don't hug me, you're still wet!" the brunette exclaimed. "And you're only wearing a towel. Don't tempt me."

Kendall looked down at the towel wrapped low around his waist. "But it's so much fun to tease you!"

"Go get dressed!" Logan said, kissing him on the cheek. "We have a half hour before we leave. And that's all you're getting."

As Kendall put on clothes, he questioned what Logan had said. Frankly, he didn't think that he was going to go through with it.

Soon, everyone was in the living room with their bags. This year, they were taking a lot less.

"Does everyone have everything?" Mrs. Knight asked, looking around.

Everyone nodded.

"Okay, let's head out!" she exclaimed, turning towards the door.

"Wait! I have something to say!" Logan said.

The day after their fight, the rest of the family had been informed of their decision. They were instructed to not say anything about Logan being gay, Kendall being gay, or about the boys dating.

"I want to tell my mother," Logan stated.

"Tell your mother what?" Carlos asked.

But everyone else got it.

"Logan, are you sure?" Mrs. Knight asked. "You don't have to."

Logan shook his head. "I want to. But on my own terms."

With that, the gang walked out of 2J.

* * *

><p>The plane was about to take off. The flight attendants were explaining things, like how to put on the seat belt on.<p>

Kendall and Logan were in one row. Behind them were James and Carlos. Across from them were Katie and Mrs. Knight.

Kendall grabbed Logan's hand, laced their fingers together. "You ready to see everyone again?" He was trying to make Logan tell the truth.

Logan shrugged. "It'll be fun."

Carlos leaned forward in his seat. "I'm so excited to see snow!" he exclaimed.

"And the cute girls all bundled in sweaters!" James chimed in.

"Actually, the weather in Minnesota has been tame this year," Katie said. "There might not be snow."

"I am getting a white Christmas!" Carlos yelled.

"I am getting my girls in need of warmth!" James yelled.

"This is going to be a long flight…" Logan sighed.

"Oh, it won't be so bad…" Kendall said, squeezing his hand. "At lease there's no layover."

"Yeah, and I have a book," he replied.

"Oh, so I'm nothing," the blond said teasingly.

Suddenly, Logan's face got serious. "You're way more than nothing," he mumbled, leaning in. Then he realized where they were: a public plane where they could be recognized. They were recognized in the airport. He leaned back in his seat as the plane pushed back.

Kendall looked out the window.

Yep. This was going to be a long flight.

Logan must have fallen asleep because the next time he looked out the window, the plane was high in the sky. Kendall was fast asleep, his body pressing against the brunette's.

The truth? Logan didn't want to tell his mother. But realistically, it was now or never. Sighing, he rubbed his face with his hands. He really needed to talk to Kendall.

An idea popped into his head. It was risky, and risqué, but it would have to do. Gently, he rubbed Kendall's shoulder to wake him up.

The blond stirred, but his eyes remained closed.

"Kendall, wake up," Logan rubbed a little harder.

"Did we land?" he grumbled back, eyes still shut.

"No."

"Then let me sleep…" Kendall replied.

Logan sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought.

Leaning in, he cupped a hand around Kendall's ear. "Meet me in the back bathroom in two minutes," he whispered, running his tongue along the sensitive skin.

Without looked back, he got out of his seat and headed to the back of the plane. Only after he entered the stall and sat down on the closed seat did he freak out. Logan just wanted to talk to Kendall about his mother. When did that turn sexual? Then again, the two rarely did stuff anymore. They were both scared of being heard. They weren't that good at being quiet.

A soft knock on the door made Logan jump. Then he realized that it must be Kendall. He unlocked the door and quickly let his boyfriend in.

"Is everything okay?" the blond asked, leaning against the sink.

Logan shook his head, looking down. "No, not really. I needed to talk to you alone."

"Then what was _that_ for?" Kendall asked, pointing to his ear.

The brunette shrugged, still not looking up. "I got a little carried away."

"So you didn't bring me in here to make out?" Kendall asked, only half-teasing.

Logan finally looked up, looked Kendall right in the eyes. "Depends on what you say in the next five minutes." Silent tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"You don't wanna tell your mom," Kendall said, instantly wrapping Logan in his arms. "You don't have you."

"I have to," he mumbled back into the blond's shoulder.

"You don't have to do anything," Kendall said back.

"My mom's talking to him again. She wants _me_ to talk to him."

"And you feel like you have to tell her now."

Logan just nodded.

Kendall held the brunette tighter. "This decision is completely up to you. You don't owe her anything. You definitely don't owe _him_ anything."

"I know," Logan sighed. "I just feel like I have to."

Kendall cupped one hand around the brunette's cheek. "It's up to you. Whatever choice you make, I'll be right here."

Logan bit his bottom lip, blushing. "You're too wonderful for me."

"You mean _you're_ too wonderful," the blond retorted softly.

Logan pressed against Kendall's hand. "Thank you. You make me think clearly." Although, now that was farthest from Logan's aspirations. He leaned in and kissed Kendall on the lips.

The blond quickly returned it. Apparently, he had said the right things.

They had already been in the bathroom stall for about five minutes, but Logan had a plan. And he was going to go through with it. He disconnected their lips, with much protest from his boyfriend. Ignoring him, he lowered himself to his knees. Without hesitation, he unbuttoned and unzipped Kendall's jeans.

Kendall froze. "Logie, what are you doing?"

Chocolate brown eyes looked up, filled with innocence. "I want to thank you." Before Kendall could say anything, Logan pulled down the blond's pants and underwear in one, swift motion.

The blond gasped as the cold air hit him. "Logan, you don't have to-" He stopped suddenly when Logan connected his lips with the head of his member.

"Just be quiet," the brunette said before he took more of Kendall in.

That demand was hard to obey. The way Logan bobbed his head up and down… the way he flicked his tongue in all the right places… All he wanted to do was moan out in pleasure. He gripped the brown locks with both hands.

Logan quickened his pace. They really had been in the bathroom for too long.

That seemed to do the trick. In less than one minute, Kendall could feel it coming. "Logie, I'm gonna…" he mumbled.

Logan hummed in response, sending vibrations up the shaft.

Kendall pulled harder on the hair with his hands, letting go. A moan escaped his mouth, soft yet powerful.

Logan slowed down, helping him ride out his orgasm. After taking in all of Kendall's seed, he pulled off of him.

Slightly shaking, Kendall reached for some toilet paper to clean himself with.

"I love you," Logan murmured, leaning against the wall.

"I love you, too," Kendall said back, voice somewhat hoarse. "But what brought that on?"

"Haven't you always wanted to get a blowjob in an airplane bathroom?" Logan laughed.

"It sure made it interesting," the blond replied. "We should get back. The might be getting worried."

They were. When the two got back to their seats, their family was staring at them.

"Long line for the bathroom," Kendall said casually, buckling his seat beat.

"Yeah, long wait," Logan said, though not as convincing.

After a minute, Carlos asked James, "I have to use the bathroom. Do you think there's still a line?"

James just stared out the window, smirking. "There's no line."

* * *

><p>"Mom, why are we getting a rental car?" Kendall asked as they walked away from the baggage claim.<p>

"Well, Joanna has to work after Christmas while we're still here," she replied. "And if you guys wanna go some place, you can."

When they stepped outside, they knew they were in Minnesota. Snow lightly covered the ground. Gusts of wind carried the white flakes around. Christmas decorations were everywhere.

"It feels great to be back!" Carlos exclaimed, running to the rental car.

"I call shotgun!" Katie yelled, running after him.

The snow was truly beautiful. That was one of the things Kendall missed. Turning, he looked over at Logan. The white puffs floated around them, making time seem to slow down. All Kendall wanted to do was bend down and kiss him.

This whole 'not being public' thing was really starting to get to him.

"Guys, you coming?" James yelled, way ahead of the couple. Apparently, Logan was also lost in his thoughts.

Kendall and Logan climbed into the back of the van when they got to it. As soon as they were concealed, they reached for each other's hands.

"And I repeat: when are you two _not_ together?" James asked from the middle seats. Carlos was next to him, grumbling about not being able to sit up front.

"We have our reasons," Kendall retorted, not wanting to deal with James' sass right now.

"Like what?"

"Love."

That promptly shut the pretty boy up.

The rest of the ride to Joanna's house was quiet. Everyone was looking out the windows, watching what they used to know go by. Not much had changed.

Kendall could feel Logan tense up when they turned down the street that would lead him to his mother. He squeezed his hand again, trying to give comfort. It wasn't working.

Joanna's house was big and simple. Logan always hated it. It was always too big for just the two of them. They never really had any personal pictures on the walls. It was a house, not a home.

"You ready?" Kendall asked as the van came to a stop in the driveway.

"Nope," the brunette replied, unbuckling his seatbelt.

After retrieving their bags from the back, they headed into the uninviting house.

"Hello?" Mrs. Knight yelled, opening the door, letting the gang in before her.

"In the kitchen!" Joanna Mitchell answered, her voice coming from the left.

Oh, it was weird to be back, Kendall thought. Memories flooded his mind, forcing him to stop walking. The house really hadn't changed, save the Christmas decorations. He looked over at Logan, whose face must have resembled his own.

Logan's mom came into the living room to greet them. "Oh my God, you guys are all grown up!" she said, smiling. "Let me show you where you're sleeping!"

What? She wasn't even going to give her son a hug? Kendall wasn't the only one to notice that.

Logan, clearly bearing it, followed her up the stairs to his old room and guest rooms. The others followed him.

"One of you guys can sleep with Hortense in his room," Joanna said, pointing to said room. "The other two can sleep in the guest room next to that. Jen, Katie, I have you set up in the room on the other side of the hall."

Logan and Kendall started to go into Logan's room, but Logan's mother stopped them. Quickly, she pulled her son into a hug. "I missed you, Hortense." The way she said it was… off.

The brunette pulled away. "Missed you to, Mom."

"You guys hungry? I realize your bodies are two hours away."

Logan shook his head. "I'm tired. Kendall, are you hungry?"

Even though the blond was starving, he shook his head. "Nope."

"All right," Joanna said. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything!"

Kendall went into the familiar room. Everything was exactly the same as it was the day they left for Hollywood.

"I don't have a single word to describe her," Logan said as he shut the bedroom door.

Kendall didn't want to say anything. He saw the way Joanna had acted tonight. But he felt that if he said anything, the brunette would go off on _him_.

"She hasn't changed at all," Logan continued ranting, changing into his pajamas. "She doesn't have a single loving bone in her body."

The blond had also started to change. "Tomorrow's a new day?"

The brunette chuckled. "How does that saying go? 'Same shit, different day'?"

Okay. Kendall decided to give up on making Logan feel better with words. He crawled into Logan's old bed, under the covers.

Logan quickly joined him, laying his head on his favorite pillow: Kendall's chest. "You don't know how many times I wanted to do this in my bed."

Kendall chuckled. "Me, too. Funny how fate works out." He was about to say something else, but a large rumbling spoke over him.

"You could go get food if you wanted to," Logan said. "You know where the fridge is."

Kendall shook his head. "I don't wanna run into your mother."

The brunette sighed. "Tomorrow I tell her. Then I'm done."

The blond also sighed. "I love you," Kendall whispered, playing with Logan's hair. Maybe that would calm him down.

"I love you, too," Logan whispered back.

Kendall continued to play with the brunette hair. He could feel Logan's breathing slowing down, his body relaxing. He hated seeing his boyfriend stressed.

After a while, Kendall lifted his head to see if Logan had fallen asleep. What he saw shocked him.

Logan's cheeks were wet from fallen tears. There were no new ones, but the flesh was still glistening. Kendall's tank top had a little stain.

Poor Logie. Kendall prayed that tomorrow would be better.

* * *

><p>"Are you two decent?" was the first thing Logan heard that morning. Opening his eyes, he saw that he hadn't moved from Kendall's chest. Quickly noting that the blond was still asleep, he looked at the door.<p>

"Ken, you gotta wake up," he whispered, rubbing the blond's shoulder.

"Five more minutes," Kendall muttered, squeezing his eyes shut tight.

Kendall was always so hard to wake up. Pulling himself up, he kissed him on the lips slowly. "James and Carlos want to talk to us."

"Don't kiss me, then say that…" he replied, revealing the bright green orbs.

Logan laughed, then sat up. "You guys can come in."

James and Carlos walked in, still wearing their pajamas. It looked as though they had just been taken out of sleep.

"Took you long enough," James said, smirking.

"Like we would sleep naked in my mother's house," Logan said. "And stop smirking at us."

"We sleep naked in _my_ mother's house," Kendall shrugged.

Three sets of eyes went wide.

"Anyway!" Carlos said, trying to change the subject. "We wanted to talk you two about Secret Santa. When did you want to exchange gifts?"

Every year, they did Secret Santa. That way, everyone got a gift, and they didn't have to spend a lot of money.

"Did you want to do it tonight or tomorrow?" James elaborated.

Kendall shrugged. "We could do it tonight, after the 'rents go to bed." Their gifts were not always… sentimental? Appropriate?

"Never say "'rents' again," Logan said, shaking his head. "But that works."

"Tonight it is!" Carlos exclaimed. "See you guys downstairs!"

After the two left, Logan slapped Kendall playfully. "You need to think before you speak!"

Kendall laughed. "You love it when I don't!"

Logan laughed with him. Truthfully, it was fun to correct Kendall.

The blond suddenly stopped laughing. "Logie, are you okay?"

"What do you mean?" Had he seen the tears last night?

Kendall sighed. "I thought you were asleep, so I looked at you. You were crying?"

Shrugging, he replied, "I just wish my mother was different."

* * *

><p>"I made Hortense's favorites for breakfast!" Joanna said, setting the plate down on the table. Chocolate chip pancakes, patty sausage, and strawberries were scattered around the seven of them.<p>

Logan smiled politely. "Thanks, Mom." But inside, he was cringing. Long ago, he gave up on having her call him Logan. Still, his real name just inflicted pain.

"So do you guys miss the snow?" Joanna asked, completely oblivious to her hurting son.

Carlos nodded. "There's still not enough on the ground! But at least I get a white Christmas!"

"Christmas isn't the same when it's not a white Christmas," Joanna commented. "I don't know how you guys stand the heat."

Frankly, all Logan could feel was the coldness radiating from his mother's heart.

"It's really not that bad," Jennifer replied, eating a slice of fruit. "You get used to it."

"Well, I will never miss it."

The brunette looked over at Kendall, trying to compose himself. Kendall could always calm him down.

The blond smiled back, eyes talking. Those green eyes were always so bright.

"So what are everyone's plans for today?" Joanna asked, getting up.

"Me and James are going to see our parents this afternoon," Carlos said. "It'll be nice to see them."

Joanna nodded. "Yeah, it will be." She walked into the kitchen, carrying dirty dishes.

Logan stood up, grabbing his plate. "Come on, Kendall, let's go help my mom." He wanted Kendall there when he told his mother.

The blond followed him into the kitchen. He really did not know what to expect from Joanna. He silently started praying again.

"Mom, I need to talk you," Logan said, stopping in the middle of the room.

Joanna had just shut the fridge door. "Yeah?"

Taking a deep breath, he grabbed Kendall's hand. "Kendall and I are dating."

"What?" his mother asked, liked she hadn't heard him.

Maybe his voice was faint? "I said Kendall and I are dating. I'm gay."

Her eyes widened, almost in fear. "Hortense," she gasped, "don't say that."

The fire that had been building up for many years finally exploded. "Don't say that I'm gay?"

_Ring! _Joanna's cell phone started to ring. She quickly picked up. "I'll call you back in five minutes, I prom-"

"Mom, are you serious right now?" Logan yelled. "I tell you I'm gay and you _answer your phone_?"

"NO," she exhaled, suddenly looking at the display screen. "No, no, no…"

"Mom!" Logan tried again. "I really just need you to hear me out."

_BANG BANG BANG! _"JOANNA? OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"

"Shit," Joanna whispered, looking between the two. "Logan, you need to go hide. Now!"

Logan? She actually used his nickname?

"JOANNA! SHOW ME THE FAGGOT!"

Jeremy? Dad? What the hell was going on?

"Logan, you need to go!" Joanna yelled again.

Kendall grabbed Logan's arm, pulling him towards the living room. No one was in the dining room.

Katie and James were in the living room, confused looks on their faces.

"Where's my mom and Carlos?" Kendall asked quickly, headed towards the closet under the staircase.

"She took him to see his mom," James answered.

"JOANNA, YOU OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR OR I'M KNOCKING IT DOWN!"

"Come on!" Kendall exclaimed, running to the closet.

Once the four were safely hidden, Katie asked, gripping onto her big brother, "Who is that?"

Logan's face was pure shock. "That's my dad."

Kendall nodded. He recognized that voice immediately.

James pulled out his phone. "I'm calling 911." He remembered Logan's birthday party.

They heard the door smash open. Then a scream. Then a thud.

"Where is that faggot?" Jeremy asked.

"He's not here!" Joanna sobbed. "I swear!"

"I was watching the door!" he replied. "Only a redhead and a Mexican boy left! I KNOW he's here!"

"He's not!" Joanna screamed again.

_Smack. _"Don't lie to me, bitch!"

"I wouldn't lie to you," she tried to reason, her voice shaking.

Logan's mind couldn't register what was going on. Flashes of the past came to him, making his head spin. Why was his father here?

"Why would you lie to me, Joanna?" Jeremy said softly. "I thought you loved me."

"I do love you," Joanna whimpered. "I do!"

"I forgave you for giving birth to a queer!" Jeremy exclaimed. "And this is how you thank my forgiveness?"

"You knew he was staying here!" she cried. "I told you that the second Jennifer asked!"

"I heard him say it!" Jeremy suddenly remembered. "I heard him say he was a faggot!"

"He's your son!"

Smack. "He's just a cocksucker!"

Logan turned away from the door, burying himself in Kendall's chest. This was all his fault. All Logan wanted to do was come out of the closet – literally. Jeremy wanted to hurt him, not his mother. But revealing their hiding spot would put the others in danger.

"You tell me where he is!" _Smack._

"No!" his mother screamed.

Logan silently sobbed, gripping the blond's shirt. God, please make it stop.

"Fine," Jeremy said, voice suddenly deathly calm. "When I'm done with you, I'll go find him myself."

"Please don't hurt him!" Joanna sobbed.

"He's a freak of nature!"

"He's your son!"

"How DARE you associate me with him?"

There were sounds of struggling. Something broke and fell to the ground. Maybe a lamp?

"Joanna, I'm done," Jeremy said, voice calm again. "You tell me where he is, or I am done with you."

"I would rather die than have you hurt him!" she replied, her voice assertive.

_Click. _Did he have a gun?

"Stop! Police!" Loud, multiple footsteps filled the room.

Logan spun around, now facing the door.

"We will shoot!" one of the officers yelled. Not a second later, _BANG!_

Logan swung the door open just in time to see his father fall to the ground. Six police officers were in the living room. His mother was sobbing against the couch, face already bruised. Blood was flowing from her left cheek.

When the body didn't get back up, the officer declared him dead. Jeremy Mitchell was dead.

The brunette ran to his mother, tears already streaming down his face.

When she saw her son, Joanna's eyes lit up. Quickly, she embraced him on the ground, tears flowing even faster. "Oh, Logan, you're safe!"

"Yeah, I am," Logan whispered back, holding his mother tight.

"I promise I will tell you everything," she said, locking eyes. "I owe you so much."

Logan nodded. "Can't wait."

Joanna looked up, seeing Kendall stand near them. "Thank you for protecting my son."

Kendall nodded, protectiveness and love shining from the beautiful green.

James and Katie hung back near the staircase. Emotions were flying everywhere.

Medics arrived, quickly taking care of the body. Then, they walked over to Joanna. "Ma'am, we'd like to look at your injuries. That cut may need stitches."

The three followed the medic outside to the ambulance. Police cars surrounded the house. Neighbors stood by, trying to see what was going on.

The cut didn't need stitches, but they applied disinfectant and a bandage.

While the medic was checking her bruises, the officer that had done the deed came over. "Boys, I'd like to get a statement from Joanna. Mind letting me talk to her alone?"

Logan nodded, though he was really reluctant to leave her alone. He and Kendall started to head back inside the house when a van pulled up to the sidewalk. Mrs. Knight swiftly bolted from it, running to her son and Logan.

"What's going on?" she asked, taking in the police and the ambulance.

That's when Logan broke down again. He turned to Kendall, sobbing against him.

The blond wrapped him arms around his boyfriend. "Let's go inside, Mom. I'll tell you what I know."

The three walked into the house, meeting Katie and James in the trashed living room. Kendall guided Logan to the couch to sit down. While Kendall told what he saw, he held the brunette protectively in his lap. Logan was practically shaking.

After a few painstaking minutes, Joanna walked in to the house with the officer. "That'll be it, Ma'am. Have a Merry Christmas."

Joanna nodded. "We will now." Then she turned to the very confused people in the living room. "Logan, would you like to go get something to eat?"

The brunette looked up at his mother, then at Kendall. He had to let him go.

Kendall nodded, unwrapping his arms. "I'll be right here when you get back."

They kissed lightly, then Logan stood up to go with his mother. He followed her out to her car.

Neither of the two were mentally stable enough to drive, but Joanna did. The short two minute drive to the restaurant was silent.

In fact, they didn't say a word to each other until their food was ordered.

Joanna took a sip of her water. "I don't really know where to start…" she said. "I bet you have so many questions."

Logan nodded. "How about from the beginning?"

His mother sighed, then began telling the story. "Do you remember your 14th birthday? That's when Jeremy found us. Ever since then, he had been watching us, watching you. He threatened me. He said that if I didn't do everything he said, he would kill you."

"Why didn't you call the police?" Logan questioned.

"Every phone call was monitored. Every place I wanted to go had to be okayed with him," she answered. "I was scared for my life, but I was terrified for yours."

"Is that why you were always so short on the phone?" he asked, making the connection.

Joanna nodded. "I was so afraid I would say too much."

Logan sat there for a minute, letting everything sink in. "Why did he want to hurt me? He knew I was gay before today?"

Sighing, she replied, "Logan, we both knew. I've always known. I never talked to you about it because he was always listening."

"You knew?"

Joanna nodded. "I tried to protect you, but you got hurt in a different way. I'm sorry."

"And you're okay with it?"

"Logan, that's one of the many reasons I tried leaving him. I knew he would hurt you."

"And him hearing it over the phone made him snap."

She nodded again. "I knew he would be coming after that."

Their food was brought to them, causing them to pause their reunion.

Joanna didn't start eating. "Logan, I want you to know that I'm so sorry. Being short with you was the only way to protect you. I hope you can forgive me."

Logan hadn't taken a bite either. "You hurt me. But, I see why you made those choices." He looked down. "I want to get to know the real you."

His mother smiled. "And I want to get to know you. Tell me about you and Kendall."

The brunette took a sip of water. "Well, we've been dating since late July."

"And everyone knows?" she asked.

"Jennifer knows," Logan replied. "Our closest friends know. But we're not public yet."

"I see," Joanna said, finally starting to eat. "Well, I can clearly see that you two love each other. The way Kendall didn't want to let go of you."

Logan smiled. "Yeah. He's really protective."

"Have you two… you know…"

"Mom!" A blush formed on the brunette's cheeks.

"I'll take that as a yes," Joanna laughed. "I'm happy for you two. How's the music?"

"Going great," Logan answered, loosening up.

"I covet your music," she smiled. "Your four voices together… It's beautiful."

They continued talking, reconnecting. It would take some time, but the two were on the right track. They were going to be all right.

* * *

><p>As soon as Logan had gotten home, he told Kendall everything that he and his mom had talked about. The brunette was in euphoria over his mother accepting him. Kendall was so excited that they were reconnecting.<p>

"Okay," Carlos said, "can we start?" He had come back as soon as he heard what happened.

James never went to see his mother. He didn't want to leave the distressed family.

It was late at night; the four of them sat on the floor of Logan's room, ready to do Secret Santa.

Logan, sitting in Kendall's lap, said, "Yes, Carlos. We can start. Who wants to go first?"

"I will!" Kendall said, reaching for the gift behind him. "I had James."

The pretty boy reached for the gift and quickly opened it. It was a Justin Bieber doll.

"Finally, a doll that can compete with you!" Kendall exclaimed, laughing.

"Haha, very funny!" James said, yet he really was laughing along. "Okay, I had Logan!"

The brunette took his rectangular present. After opening it, he saw that it was a book. A gay sex position book.

"Open up to the first page," James suggested.

Cautiously, Logan did. A 'Do Not Disturb' sign fell out.

"I figured these things would be useful!" James said, shrugging. "And, this way, we will never walk in on you two again!"

Logan, face crimson, handed Carlos his flat gift. "Here you go."

Carlos started laughing as soon as he saw what it was: a playboy calendar for the New Year. Each month featured a girl playing with a stiff object, like a popsicle.

"July is a corndog," Logan commented.

"Where did you find that?" Kendall asked, chuckling.

Shrugging, he replied, "The internet."

"Well, I guess that means I have Kendall!" Carlos said, revealing a wrapped cylinder.

The blond took it and slowly opened it. It was a whipped cream can.

"I figured you two could use it," the Latino said, smirking.

Now it was Kendall's turn to be red. When he turned the can around, he noticed that there were guitar picks taped to the side. They were gay pride guitar picks.

"Thanks, Carlos!" Kendall said, actually liking the smaller gift.

"Merry Christmas!" James exclaimed, standing up. "I'm going to bed."

"Me, too," Carlos said, joining him. "I can't wait for tomorrow!"

"Merry Christmas!" the couple yelled back in unison.

Logan, smiling, reached into his suitcase. "I got you something extra, if that's okay…"

Kendall turned around from his. "So did I!"

They joined each other on Logan's bed, sitting close.

Logan held out his big, oddly shaped gift. "You first."

Smiling, Kendall started to open it. When he saw what it was, the grin grew impossibly bigger. "Oh, Logie, it's adorable!"

Logan had gotten a specialty bear made: it had brown fur and brown eyes. It was holding a red heart, with 'Logie Bear' written in white cursive.

"There's more," the brunette said, pointing to the add-ons. The bear was wearing a package of eight wooly beanies. Around his wrists were homemade bracelets.

"Logie, I love it!" Kendall exclaimed, wrapping an arm around him. They shared a quick kiss.

"I'm glad," Logan replied.

Suddenly, the blond got nervous. He held out his small, square box. "I hope you like it."

Logan held his breath as he opened it. Inside the velvet box were two gold bands. Promise rings. One had a small, emerald gem in the middle. The other had a chocolate brown gem. "Oh my God, they're beautiful," he exhaled.

"You like it?" Kendall asked shyly.

Logan smiled. "I love it."

The blond took the box and slipped on the one with the brown gem. "May I?" he asked Logan, holding out the other.

Logan watched Kendall as he slipped the ring on his finger. He lifted his finger closer to his eyes, admiring it. "I love it," he repeated. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Kendall said, pulling them both down on the bed. They were already in their pajamas.

"So this has been the worst and best Christmas all at once," Logan decided. "And it isn't Christmas until tomorrow!"

Kendall chuckled. "I totally agree with you. Worst and best Christmas of all time."

They laid there for a while, thinking back on today.

"Merry Christmas, Logie," Kendall whispered.

"Merry Christmas, Ken," he whispered back.

Suddenly, the blond sat up, a smirk on his face. "Wanna try out our presents?"

* * *

><p><strong>Please review!<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello Rushers and Kogan Shippers! Here is the next chapter! I apologize for it being so short. It's cute, though!**

**Only two more chapters after this! I can't believe that it's almost over!**

**Thank you so much for following this story. I love you all.**

**A special thanks goes out to **_KEALY KAMES, gleechild, BlueberryNaru, _**and **_0809m_** for your reviews, on old and new chapters****.**

**I am SO excited for July 31st (MI stop of the Big Time Summer Tour)! I can't wait to see our babies again!  
><strong>

**Well, I'm going to stop talking now. Enjoy!  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"So you guys are having the party tonight?" Joanna asked.<p>

Logan spun around in his desk chair, holding his cell phone to his ear. "Yeah, we're having it down by the pool. Everyone who is back from vacation is celebrating."

"But why are you guys planning and paying for everything?" she questioned.

"There has never been a New Year's Eve party here before. Mr. Bitters said we could have one if we hosted it," Logan replied.

"Ah. I guess that makes sense."

The brunette smiled as they continued talking, completely in euphoria after wanted this for years. He was actually having a normal conversation with his mother. The last week had been a very emotional one, filled with tears and reconnections. It was amazing to get to know is real mother.

Kendall appeared in the doorway to their bedroom, dressed and ready to go.

"Mom, I have to go," Logan said into his phone. "Kendall and I have to get stuff for tonight."

"Okay, sweetie. Tell Kendall I said hi!"

The brunette held the cell away from his mouth. "My mom says hi!" he said to the blond.

"Hi, Joanna!" Kendall yelled back, smiling.

She laughed, indicating that she heard her son's boyfriend. "Have fun shopping! I know it's New Year's Eve, but be safe."

"Mom!" Logan gasped, a blush already forming. He was so thankful for her acceptance, but did she have to be so blunt about his sex life?

"Exactly," Joanna stated. "I'm trying to be a mother."

Kendall tapped his invisible wrist watch, mouthing, "I'm sorry."

The brunette sighed, spinning away from him. "And I thank you for that. I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetie. We'll talk tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Logan replied. "Bye."

Not a second later after he ended the call, a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind the chair, a warm breath grazing his ear. "You ready to go get stuff?"

Logan leaned back. "No, not really," he breathed.

"Me neither," the blond smirked, running his tongue against the earlobe. "I say we just stay here."

Logan just moaned, turning his face to connect their lips. The world melted away when the flesh touched.

"Guys, stop sucking face," James said as he walked by the open door. "Go to the store like Mama Knight said."

Logan nearly fell off the chair.

"James!" the blond yelled, but he was already out of ear shot.

Sighing deeply, Logan looked back at Kendall, still flustered. "Well then."

Kendall chuckled. "It's easy to forget where we are when we get into it."

Getting up from the chair, Logan replied, "You need to remember to shut and lock the door."

"Me?" he scoffed back. "It takes two to tango."

Logan just shook his head. "Thank God it wasn't your mom or Katie. I don't want them to seeing us like that."

Kendall shivered at the thought. "I guess you're right. I should make sure we're covered before I attack you"

The brunette smirked. "Of course I'm right. I'm always right."

Kendall grabbed his boyfriend's hand. "Come on, genius. Let's go to Walmart."

* * *

><p>Logan played with the ring on his finger, rubbing his thumb over the emerald gem. Ever since that first night it graced if finger, he always was touching it in some way. Somehow, it made him feel closer to Kendall. It reassured him when they weren't together. Biting his lip, he looked over to his left.<p>

The blond had both hands on the wheel and looked straight ahead. The accident had made him a more cautious driver, but the events that took place a week ago had made him very protective. Not that Logan minded. It made him feel safe and loved.

Kendall, feeling eyes on him, glanced to his right. "You like the view?"

Logan blushed, but he didn't look away. "Yeah," he murmured.

Kendall's eyes crinkled in the corners, pupils going back to the road. "Well, I'm glad."

The rest of the short trip was driven in a comfortable silence.

When the vehicle came to a stop, a wave of déjà vu swept over the brunette. Sure, they had gone grocery shopping together after his birthday. But ever since Christmas, Logan felt different. He now understood the feeling, the want, that Kendall had described before. He wanted to go public.

He knew very well that Kendall wanted to come out publicly. But, being a gentleman, he was perfectly fine with waiting for Logan. Now he was ready. What would Kendall say to this revelation? How would they go about telling the public? What if their fans suddenly boycotted Big Time Rush because of this?

His head started spinning. Maybe he was overthinking this?

The first thing he needed to do was to tell Kendall. He just needed the right moment to share his new feelings.

"Logie?" Kendall asked, taking the brunette's hand. "You okay?"

Logan nodded, squeezing back reassurance with his palm and digits. "Yeah. Just thinking."

"Okay," he replied, though he really didn't believe it. The blond let go to adjust his new beanie on his head. "Ready for a new adventure in Walmart?"

Logan simply nodded again and got out of the car. Hopefully, they wouldn't get noticed by a lot of people. Ever since Big Time Rush's new album was released, their popularity soared. They even ran into fans in Minnesota, just walking down the sidewalk.

Logan's hope was not granted by a higher power. They weren't even in the store for a minute before they were recognized.

"Oh my freaking God!" someone yelled. "It's Kendall and Logan from Big Time Rush!"

Within seconds after that, the two had a mini swarm around them. As quickly as they could, they autographed, posed, and answered as many questions as they could.

Fifteen minutes later, they were on their merry way.

"So what's on the list?" Kendall asked, pushing a cart.

Logan rattled off the basic party foods: chips, dip, pretzels, soda…

Slowly, they worked their way through the list, thankful that no crazed fans followed them.

Kendall was too busy looking at soda, but Logan noticed the jealousy-inducing scene that was now in front of them.

In the middle of the aisle were two guys, probably still in high school. They were holding hands, their arms swinging lightly. Their eyes were locked together, the love that they shared simply radiating off their bodies. They clearly did not give a fuck about who saw them together.

The brunette nudged his boyfriend, pointing out his personal aspiration flaunting itself down the aisle.

Logan wanted that.

Kendall wanted that.

But did the public want that? Did the fans want that?

"Hey," Kendall said, prying his eyes away from the couple. "Let's go some place for a sec."

Logan followed, not questioning where their destination was until they turned toward the home and garden section.

"Really, Kendall?" Logan asked, but still followed.

The blond turned down the familiar aisle. "We gotta continue the tradition!"

Logan sighed, rounding the corner. As soon as he did, lips were on his, wet and rough. He knew this was way more risky than the last time, but there was a thrill to secretly kissing in public.

"Why is God punishing me?" a voice shrilled out from behind them. "This is sin!"

The two disconnected in time to see that it was the same old lady from the last adventure.

Logan started to laugh, leaning on the blond for support.

Hysterical laughs erupted from Kendall as well. What were the chances of that ever happening again?

"Let's go before we push our luck even more, huh?" Logan suggested, still snickering.

The blond nodded, taking hold of the cart again.

They almost made it to the checkout lanes, but they were spotted by new fangirl shoppers. Another fifteen minutes went by, slowly or quickly, depending on who you asked.

Finally, after all of that, they were back in the vehicle, all the bagged items put away in the trunk.

"So was this trip better or worse than last time?" Kendall asked, putting the car in reverse.

Logan smiled, looking out the window. "They were both interesting."

* * *

><p>The party was in full swing, with only ten minutes left until midnight. People were all over the first floor, in the lobby and by the pool. Food and drinks were still going strong. The alcohol was already in full swing.<p>

Logan was currently looking for his boyfriend, whom he suspected was running around for his mother. Kendall was always helping out more, careful to stay on his mother's good side. She could make the couple change rooms.

There was one burning idea that was bugging the brunette all night: were they going to kiss at midnight? Never before had he had someone to do so with, not even Camille. He never saw the thrill of it before. Now that he had Kendall, that idea made perfect sense.

James and Carlos danced by him, clearly under the influence. Thankfully, Mrs. Knight was nowhere in sight.

And neither was Kendall. Logan decided he would check the crib. Quickly, he made his way over to the elevator.

The doors opened, letting out more celebrating teens. Logan waved halfheartedly, not meeting anyone's clouded eyes.

He was alone on the ride up, his thoughts blaring in his head. Should they go public? How were they going to kiss at midnight? Shouldn't someone be keeping an eye on Carlos and James? How was his mother doing? Did Jeremy enjoy rotting in Hell?

Luckily, 2J was on the second floor, so he wasn't in the box that long.

The doors opened, revealing a certain blond who was tapping the wall impatiently.

"Kendall?" Logan asked, not sure if he should step out or not.

"Hey, Logan," Kendall replied, stepping into the elevator. His face suddenly seemed more alive. "I was coming down to find you."

The brunette smiled, leaning in. "I was coming up to find you."

They kissed lightly as they rode back down to the lobby. As they kissed, a plan formed in Logan's head. They would go to the supply closet and listen to the countdown. After they shared their New Year Kiss, they would come out with something, like paper towel.

But as they entered the lobby, Logan realized that it was later than he thought. The countdown had already started.

"Ten! Nine! Eight!"

They were now in the middle of the lobby, surrounded by Palm Woods residents.

"Seven! Six! Five!"

Kendall looked down at Logan, oblivious to the brunette's new plan.

"Four! Three! Two!"

Logan pulled Kendall's face to his is own. He had made up his mind.

"One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" the crowd screamed, blowing whistles and throwing confetti.

Logan connected their lips, not holding back. He was done holding back.

Kendall kissed him back, moving his hands around the brunette's neck.

The lobby was abruptly dead silent, taking in what was happening in front of them. A second later, everyone erupted in cheers, decibels louder than before.

Kendall pulled back, a twinkle in his eyes. "I'm assuming you're ready?"

Logan just nodded, the grin touching his eyes.

That's when they noticed everyone around them, cheering at their public display of affection.

"So you guys are okay with us dating?" the blond asked loudly, taking his boyfriend's hand.

Everyone cheered again, various forms of yes shouted all around.

"You guys are so cute together!" called out Blonde Jennifer.

"We always suspected!" Curly Jennifer chimed in.

Some people nodded in agreement. Okay, so they were really bad at hiding it. Now they didn't have to.

"Awesome," Kendall said, pulling Logan towards the pool. "We appreciate that!"

"Yeah!" the brunette added, allowing himself to be towed.

They ended up on a lounge chair, Logan lying on Kendall's chest.

"Happy New Year," Logan whispered, still on a high from everyone's acceptance.

"Happy New Year to you, Logie," Kendall replied, playing with the brown locks. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Logan murmured back.

Kendall suddenly smiled, pulling out his cell phone. "So you sure you wanna go public?"

Logan sighed happily. "Yes. I've got you, and that's all that matters."

Swiftly, the blond dialed a number. It rang twice.

"Kendall?" Kelly asked on the other end. "Why are you calling me so late?"

Kendall smiled, completely ecstatic to finally say these words. "Logan and I wanna go public."


	13. Chapter 13

**So here's the next chapter! The last and final chapter will be posted before July 31st (The day I see BTR).**

**Thank you** _KEALY KAMES, Scarlett, I Love KL, Mr. President 64, OuToFmYmInDbAcKiN5MiNuTeS, _**and** _kat4543 _**for your lovely reviews! A special thanks to** _Laur__enBlack13 _**for your giant spam, reviewing every chapter at once.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Kendall paced around the waiting area, biting his nails. Yes, he wanted this, but he didn't think it would be this big of a deal. Then again, they were famous. He forgot that sometimes.<p>

Only a week had passed since Kendall had told Kelly that he and Logan were ready. During that phone call, she had asked them about eight times of they were sure. Once they did this, there was no turning back.

Now that the Palm Woods knew, word would spread fast. They wanted to tell the public themselves.

So Kelly, being the amazing assistant that she was, pulled a few strings.

Less than a week later, Kendall, Logan, James, and Carlos, were on the set of Ellen. They were going to talk about their new album and upcoming tour, and announce that Kendall and Logan were dating.

And, the episode was going to air the next day. Never before had an episode been pushed out that fast.

"Ken, sit down," Logan said, patting the spot next to him on the couch. "You're going to make a mark on the carpet."

The blond sighed and looked over at Logan. He sounded calm, but you could see it in his eyes. He was scared shitless as well.

Doing what he was told, he went over to the brunette and plopped down next to him. Instantly, they joined hands, as if gripping for dear life.

There was no turning back. Parents could ban their children from listening. People would be disgusted by them. They could lose all of their fans.

"Hey guys," Ellen said, walking into the waiting area. "I just wanted to go over the order of things personally with you."

It seemed that Kendall or Logan would throw up if they opened their mouths, so James spoke. "Let's talk about the new album first? And then the tour? And then about these two?"

She nodded, turning towards the couple. "I'm really proud of what you two are doing. The world could use more openly gay musicians."

Kendall nodded and smiled weakly. "Thanks. We appreciate the support."

"Of course," Ellen replied. "No matter what happens after you walk outside this building, always remember that you will have the support of loved ones." She looked over at the stage director who had suddenly appeared. "Well, it's time for me to get the party started! See you at the end of the show!"

The four turned to the flat screen on the wall, displaying what everyone at home tuning in was seeing

There was no turning back.

No matter how many times Kendall said it, the words just didn't seem to sink in.

The couple continued to hold hands all throughout their wait. With each passing minute, they watched interview after segment after dance after laugh. If they weren't so nervous, surely they would have enjoyed it.

"Everything's gonna be fine," James said, looking away from the TV screen. "No matter what, I'll still love you two like brothers."

"Even if we lose all of our new fame?" Kendall asked, not looking the pretty boy in the eyes. Even though now they all loved it, this was James' dream all along. Kendall and Logan might be taking that away.

Sighing, James replied, "Yes. Even if we're no longer famous."

Wow. Kendall had never heard James say something so selfless.

"If we lose all of our fans, oh well!" Carlos chimed in. "It was fun while it lasted. And besides, us moving to LA got you two to admit your feelings."

Carlos' words took Kendall by surprise. The Latino was absolutely right. Would his feelings for Logan still be buried if they had been living in Minnesota this whole time?

"Thank you," the blond whispered, sighing back. He knew that James and Carlos supported them coming out publicly, but it was nice to hear that out loud. Again.

"Thanks," Logan said, voice dripping with anxiety. It was strained and high-pitched.

"Logie," Kendall said, leaning in. "I love you. I will love you no matter what."

The brunette looked up, into the bright green orbs. "I love you, too, Ken."

For once, neither James nor Carlos made a comment when the couple connected their lips. This time, it was almost sad to look at. These kisses weren't sloppy or erotic; every move was slow and soft, like each kiss would be their last

The words, "After this break, Big Time Rush is joining me!" coming from the TV screen broke them from their dreary spell. A second later, a stage director appeared in the room. "You're up, boys."

Gripping Logan's hand, Kendall stood up, pulling his boyfriend with him. "You ready?"

The brunette sighed, starting towards the door. "As ready as I'll ever be."

Kendall followed, not by his choice, but by the entwined fingers. One more time, he whispered to himself: _No. Turning. Back._

Sadly, they had to let go of each other before they walked on. They didn't want their Rushers to find out that way.

The stage director guided them to the stage and told them to go on out. They were to go sit on the couch and wait for commercial break to end.

The second the four walked out onto the studio stage, screams erupted from the audience. This was Big Time Rush's first time on Ellen, and boy were Rushers excited. It took away the fear about what there were going to say. However, a second later, the fear returned, more forceful than ever. They were about to crush their image of their favorite boyband.

"Whoa!" Ellen laughed, getting up from her chair to greet them again. "I think you guys have a few fans!"

James flashed his signature smile. "Ah, we got a few."

Kendall pulled himself together and smiled as well. "Yeah, just a couple of Rushers, here and there."

"Why don't you take a seat?" she said, gesturing to the red couch. "We return in ten seconds."

The blond laughed, sitting down on the end closest to Ellen. Logan quickly joined him, not caring that their bodies were closely pressed together. It was a small couch. And, it would be awkward if they weren't next to each other when they announced their relationship. Carlos sat down next, resulting in James sitting on the other end.

"And we're back!" Ellen said loudly, signaling that the cameras were rolling. "Look who is sitting next to me! It's Big Time Rush!"

More screams came from the audience, realistically louder than before.

"Oh, that's not loud enough," the host scoffed. "It sounds like you guys barely know them."

Not wanting to disappoint Ellen, the fangirls screeched even louder.

"Why don't you guys introduce yourselves," she continued, laughing. "This is your first time being on my show!"

"It is! Thanks for having us!" James replied. "Well, I'm James."

"I'm Carlos."

"Hey, I'm Logan."

"I guess that makes me Kendall!" the blond said, laughing. The audience laughed with him, purely elated that they were in the same building as him.

"Hi guys!" Ellen said, trying to calm everyone down. Her speaking seemed to do the trick. "So how's everything? It seems like you guys are doing pretty well."

"Yeah, we're doing great!" James said. "The couch could be a little bigger, though."

The host smiled. "Well, I don't normally have four people at once! And besides, you four tour together on a bus. I think you can snuggle together on a couch." She waited for the laughter to die down before continuing. "So you guys have your second album out?"

"Yeah, _All Over Again_," Logan replied, putting on a flashy smile.

"Do you think it's better than the first one?" she asked.

"Definitely," Kendall said. "We kind of know what we're doing now."

"Yeah, we like to think that we can sing now," Logan added.

"What you do guys think of the new album?" Carlos asked the people in front of them. He received the appropriate response.

"I'd say they like it!" Ellen said. "So a little birdie told me that you guys have something in the works? Something that rhymes with cure?"

The fangirls screamed when they realized what she meant.

"Yes!" James said. "We are planning our first headline worldwide tour."

"We're calling it the All Over The World Tour," Carlos added. "And we're going everywhere."

"Well, I think all of these people here are excited!" Ellen exclaimed. "That's a guess, though."

The brunette smiled. "We're excited, too. Seeing our Rushers while doing what we love is a feeling you can't describe."

"I see," the host said. Then she paused. "So I was trolling around Scuttlebutter," she started.

"And?" Kendall pressed lightly, knowing what she was about to bring up. Both Kendall and Carlos felt Logan tense up.

"I came across something interesting," she continued. "It turns out that there are a lot of people believe that Kogan is real."

The blond was slightly confused. He honestly didn't know what she meant. He turned his head to the right; the looks he received told him that they didn't either. "Could you explain what you just said?"

She smiled, laughing in her head at the irony. "Kogan is the couple name for you and Logan. Some people think that you two are together. Romantically."

"Oh," Kendall replied. "Well that's embarrassing, not knowing your own couple name."

"Yeah," Logan agreed softly. "It's cute, though."

"What are you saying?"

Taking a deep breath, Kendall grabbed Logan's hand and intertwined their fingers. "Logan and I are dating."

It was silent for one second. Then gasps ran through the crowd, echoing off each other.

"How long have you two been dating?" Ellen asked, unfazed.

"We started dating in July," Kendall answered quietly, unsure how to take the… unexpected reaction.

"Wow. That's a long time!" commented Ellen. "What made you decide to come out now?"

"Our families and close friends know already," Logan answered, "and they accept us."

"Kiss!" someone yelled from the audience. That started a chant, everyone in the crowd chiming in.

The blond looked over at his boyfriend. "You wanna?"

Logan just smiled and leaned in. They had already said it. Why not show it?

The second their lips touched, cheers erupted from the audience, impossibly louder than ever. They pulled back, smiling incredulously at the positive reaction. Then, they came together again, putting on a show for a second.

When the two looked back at Ellen, her grin outmatched everyone else in the building. "If these people represent what is outside, I think you guys will be fine."

Kendall turned his head to the studio audience. "We really appreciate the support. Not to be rude, but what was with the delayed reaction?"

"We didn't believe it!" someone yelled.

"We thought you were lying," another person said.

The blond looked back, looked right into the chocolate brown eyes. "No, we're not lying. Kogan is very real." They kissed quickly again, sending everyone into another fit.

"Oh," Kendall said, after his lips were free, "we're doing a live video chat-"

"Ustream," Logan interrupted.

"Ustream on the 7th, the day after this airs, at 4 p.m. PST to answer some questions and talk more about us," he continued, eyes glancing over at the brunette, silently thanking him for the word.

"Well, make sure you guys tune in on January 7th for that!" Ellen said. "I think a lot of people will after seeing this episode."

"We're happy to make your ratings go up!" James said, laughing.

"Yes, the ratings are going to soar!" Ellen said back. "Thank you for being on my show."

"Thank you for having us," was the given response.

"Enjoy the gift bags, especially the underwear!" Then she turned towards the camera. "Big Time Rush, everybody! Their second album is out now! They have a worldwide tour in the works! And yes, the rumors are true! Kogan is real!" She stood up. "Thanks for watching!"

* * *

><p><span>January 7<span>th

The past twenty four hours had been interesting.

Kendall's mom had insisted that they watched the episode with the rest of the world. After much protest from the couple, they decided that she would watch it in the living room; Kendall and Logan would watch it from the top of Swirly.

Turns out they couldn't enjoy the funny segments the second time around, either. The anxiety was there all over again. And this time, fans all over were tuning in to see what they had to say.

Logan had leaned into the blond when he heard Ellen greet them on the TV. The screams sounded just as loud.

The seconds flew by. In the blink of an eye, Kendall was stating that he and Logan were dating.

Kendall swore that he could feel the world change after that second. Everything shifted as the news was shared. He stopped listening at that moment; the couple just held each other, bracing themselves for the inevitable.

The next morning, they were awoken by a phone call from Kelly.

"Have you guys been outside of your apartment yet today?" she asked, her voice strained.

"No," Kendall replied. "You woke us up."

"Good. I want you guys, especially you and Logan, to stay inside. Don't even go down to the lobby."

"Why?" the blond asked, panic rising.

"Ken, what's wrong?" Logan asked, turning over.

A loud crash from below their feet raised even more question.

"Kelly, what's going on?" Kendall asked as Logan sat up.

"Um, there might be a small protest outside the Palm Woods. The police can't do anything because they're not inside the building," she answered quickly. "Plus, paparazzi are swarming the lobby. Stay in the apartment." _Click._

"Kendall, what's wrong?" the brunette asked again, sitting up now.

Kendall gingerly set his phone down, brain processing what Kelly had just said. A protest? "Kelly said that's there's a protest outside," he whispered. "She wants us to stay inside today."

All emotion was drained from the chocolate eyes, from the pale face. "Oh," was all he said.

"We knew it was going to be hard," Kendall said, voice still quiet, wrapping his arms around Logan.

"But a protest?" Logan mumbled into the blond's shoulder. "Really?"

"I know," he replied. "That's really low. Why don't we go eat something?"

Slowly nodding, the brunette unwound himself from Kendall's arms.

Walking out hand in hand, they saw that James, Carlos and Katie were already up. They seemed oblivious from what was going on just one floor below them.

"Well good morning, Kogan," James said with a smirk. "Would you like some cereal?"

Ever since the interview, James and Carlos started calling them that. They also looked up 'Kogan' online. Apparently, a lot of the fans were like the ones in the audience two days ago; they liked the idea of the two of them together.

Then again, they hadn't checked back after their episode aired.

"Ha," Kendall mocked a laugh. Then he noticed someone was missing. "Where's my mom?"

"Swe went to go gwet the wuandry," Carlos said with his mouth full, milk and soggy cereal falling out.

"Come again?" Logan asked, grabbing the colorful box with his free hand.

"Laundry," Katie clarified.

Kendall nodded as he prepared his own breakfast with his free hand. The couple had gotten great at doing things one-handed. In fact, it had started to feel natural.

Mrs. Knight burst through the door, a giant basket under her arm. She sighed in relief when she saw everyone. "Oh good, you're all in here. Don't move." Quickly, she put the basket in the living room, knowing that she'd take care of it in a minute. When she came back to the kitchen, she suggested, "How about you boys stay inside today?"

"Why?" James protested. "It's a beautiful day out."

Kendall sighed. "Mom, Logan and I already know what's going on downstairs. Kelly called me."

"What's going on downstairs?" Katie questioned.

"Nothing but stupidity," her mother replied, but she knew that wasn't enough.

Kendall answered for her. "Protesters and paparazzi are all over the building, inside and out."

"Are you serious?" his sister asked in disbelief.

"Why would I joke about that?" the blond snapped, clearly agitated.

"Sorry," she mumbled and got up from her seat. She walked away without another word. Mrs. Knight went to go take care of her load of laundry.

Kendall sighed, now looking at James and Carlos. "Kelly wants us to stay inside, but I think you two are okay. Just don't talk to anyone."

"No, we'll stay with you," James said, also getting up. "Right, Carlos?"

"Totally," the Latino replied. "We can watch movies, play video games, play hockey…"

"Actually, I think Logan and I want to be alone right now," Kendall said.

Logan nodded silently, food barely touched.

"You sure?" they asked.

"Yeah, we're sure," Kendall whispered. "Just don't talk to anyone besides friends."

"All right," James said as he and Carlos walked to their room to get ready.

Without a word shared between the couple, they headed to the vibrant couch. Kendall sat down first, leaning back and arms wide. Logan then joined him, instantly curling into the blond's chest. Watching the news was out of the question at the moment. They looked through their DVR, but they had already watched all of the recorded movies. Finally, they settled on some documentaries Logan had recorded. But even the brunette wasn't into it.

Their emotions ranged from immense sadness (_all they did was love each other_) to raging anger (_how dare they come into our house and protest_).

After about two hours went by, both Kendall and Logan were getting fidgety. They loved being in each other's arms, but not under this circumstance.

"Dang!" Mrs. Knight yelled as she walked through the living room. She held up a shredded piece of fabric. "The washing machine ruined my robe!"

Kendall sat up, pulling the brunette with him. "Mom, didn't you start laundry a while ago? And you just noticed this?"

She shrugged. "I got detracted by a book I'm reading. Would you go down and ask-" Then her eyes got wide. "Never mind. I'll be right back."

"What?" Kendall asked, that rage boiling up again.

"I'm going to go ask Mr. Bitters for a new robe," his mother replied.

"Mom, we'll go do it," the blond said, letting Logan stand up before he did.

"Sweetie, Kelly said to stay in-"

"You know what?" Kendall started, "I am done hiding. We did nothing wrong. I should be able to love whoever I want in my own home!"

She sighed. "I agree with you, Kendall, but today-"

Her son cut her off again. "We're going to get your robe." He looked over at Logan, who was quiet, but you could see it in his eyes.

Mrs. Knight quickly stepped away from the door. There was no point in arguing any more.

Taking each other's hands, the couple walked out of 2J, determined. Not a single word was shared during the short trip down in the elevator.

When they got down to the lobby, they saw what Kelly and Mrs. Knight were talking about. The lobby was a complete mess. Paparazzi lingered around, holding cameras and notebooks. Through the front doors, you could see people holding signs walking in circles.

"Dear Lord," Logan muttered, not looking away from the chaos.

Kendall squeezed his hand for reassurance. Then, they headed towards the front desk.

As soon as people realized who was in the lobby, lights started flashing and questions were shouted. The couple tried to ignore it. When they realized that Mr. Bitters wasn't there, they rang the bell.

The heavyset man timidly came out of his office. When he saw who it was, he went over to the desk. "Hey guys," Mr. Bitters greeted. Sarcastically, he asked, "How's your day so far?"

Kendall shrugged. "I think we've had better."

"What can I do for you?"

"My mom ruined her robe," the blond stated. "Can she have another one?"

Swiftly, Mr. Bitters grabbed one from below the desk. "Sure. That'll be $45."

Kendall rolled his eyes, but pulled out his wallet.

The man glanced at the sleaze behind them, then back at the couple. "You know what? It's free."

A bushy eyebrow cocked up. "Mr. Bitters, are you sure?"

Leaning in, Mr. Bitters replied, "You may have disrupted my Palm Woods, but you did nothing wrong." Then he thrust the bagged robe forward. "Have a Palm Woods day!"

As they walked away from the desk, Kendall was speechless. That was the nicest thing Mr. Bitters had ever said or done. Continuing to ignore the questions, they walked back towards the elevators.

Before they went inside the compartment, they shared a quick kiss for show. This of course caused another light show and another round of questions.

"Ustream's at 4!" Logan called out as the doors shut in front of them, liberating them from the noise.

The couple kissed again, this time more passionate.

Later That Day:

"Kendall, are you sure we can handle this?" Logan asked, looking once again at the clock in their room. It was about five minutes before 4. That was both not enough time and all the time in the world.

Kendall sat down in the chair, joining his boyfriend. "We promised on national television that we'd do this. We have to do this." He was trying to reassure the brunette, but his own words weren't working on himself.

They decided that the best way to do this was have the laptop on the desk, with Kendall and Logan sitting next to each other.

Sighing, Logan turned back to his laptop. "I should login." Quickly, he did so. Soon, everything else was ready.

"You ready?" the brunette asked, mouse ready to click the button to start.

"Sure," Kendall replied.

And so it began.

"Hello to anyone tuning in!" Kendall said, awkwardly waving. He was suddenly shy.

"Let's see how many of you decided to watch," Logan said, eyes going to the counter. When he saw the number, he nearly fell off his chair. "Are there really 20,000 people watching this right now?" The number continued to go up. "Well, thank you for wanting to hear our story."

"We thought that we'd talk for a bit, then answer some questions," Kendall said, trying to ignore the little number, increasing by the second.

Logan nodded. "Well, back in June, Kendall's ex-girlfriend left for New Zealand. He was really upset, and I figured he just really missed her."

"In reality, Jo was just a cover," Kendall continued, "and she knew it."

"One night, we started talking, and he told me he was gay," Logan said. "Soon after I told him I was, too. That's when we shared our feelings for each other."

"Turns out we had feeling for each other back when we lived in Minnesota," the blond said, smiling now.

"Our first date was in July," Logan said, smiling back. "The night of our car accident."

"We told my mom we were dating on Thanksgiving, and Logan's mom on Christmas Eve," Kendall stated, "and our families accept us."

"That's basically it," Logan sighed happily.

"So, we really appreciate the Rushers that support us," Kendall said, voice now quiet. "And if you don't support homosexuality, that's okay. We're just going to be ourselves from now on."

Logan's eyes went to the chat box, reading everyone's responses to what Kendal just said. "Huh?" he asked out loud.

"What, Logie?" the blond asked, looking over that the chat. He caught what Logan meant before every response changed to 'aw' over Logan's nickname.

"'We Love Kogan' has been trending on Scuttlebutter all day?" Logan asked. "Really?" He pulled out his phone to check.

"We've kinda been avoiding the internet and TV today," Kendall clarified.

"Kendall, look!" the brunette said, holding out his phone. Kendall took it, and sure enough. 'We Love Kogan' was the #1 worldwide trend.

"Thanks," Kendall whispered. Overall, the fans seemed to be okay with it.

Logan quickly pocketed his phone.

"I think now we'll answer some questions." He looked over at the chat box, questions flying faster than Kendall could read them.

"Here, let me try," Logan said, leaning closer towards the laptop. "Uh… 'Who asked who out on the first date?'"

"Well, it was kinda mutual," Kendall answered. "It took us a month to find a night where we could go out and not be tired. I planned the date though."

"And it was lovely," Logan beamed. "Except, you know, the crash at the end."

"Yeah," Kendall agreed, then turned his attention back to the chat. "Let's see… 'did the girls know they were just covers?'" He paused, then answered. "Jo knew from the beginning."

Logan sighed. "Camille didn't know. I apologized, and she said that she understood. We're still friends."

Kendall nodded. "Okay, next question…" He scanned the fast-moving comments. "Will we act like a couple in public now?" He looked over at Logan. "I think so, yeah."

"Not like over the top, though," Logan said. "But yeah, we'll hold hands and stuff." He continued to search for questions. "'In your relationship, who top-" His eyes got really wide. "I can't read that out loud."

Kendall started laughing, realizing what the question was asking. While Logan continued looking, he wiggled his eyebrows, pointed to himself, and smirked.

"Kiss on camera?" Logan read aloud. He smiled and looked over at Kendall. "Why not?"

They turned to face each other. Leaning in, they connected their lips, only slightly holding back. After a moment, they let go, eyes sparkling and cheeks flushed.

"Okay, so how about a few more questions?" Logan squeaked out, looking at the chat again. He saw a familiar username go by. "James?"

Kendall saw the comment before it disappeared. "James wants us to stop kissing because he gets enough already?" he read back, amused. He then stood up and walked away.

Logan, facing the camera again, just shrugged.

"Hey Kendall, shouldn't you be doing your Ustream?" Logan heard James say from the living room.

"Saw your comment," Kendall said back.

Suddenly, James' screams filled the apartment. Bangs echoed off the floor.

Logan just smiled. "James likes to make fun of us."

When the yelled died down, Kendall returned to their room. "Okay, so now for more questions!"

"I love you," the brunette said as his boyfriend sat down.

"I love you, too!" Kendall said, smiling. Then he went back to reading. His smile got wider as people responded to their declaration of love. "Yes, we do love each other."

"Yes we do," Logan said. "'Will you guys get married some day?'" he read off.

Neither of them spoke for a moment.

Kendall answered first. "If we're still together, and gay marriage is legal where we're living, then maybe."

Logan held up his hand. "We do have promise rings."

The blond showed off his as well. "Well, I think that about does it. Thanks for watching to hear our story!"

"We really appreciate your support!" Logan added.

"Bye guys!" Kendall waved again, still awkwardly, but smiling this time.

As soon as the laptop was shut, their lips reconnected, this time with so much more force. Generally, people accepted them. Haters were going to hate, but most Rushers were by there side.

They were high on euphoria.

Kendall roughly picked the brunette up and carried him to their bed. He lied him down, then straddled him, never breaking the kiss.

Logan let out a moan as he felt Kendall's tongue enter his mouth.

The blond reciprocated even louder, thrusting his hip, rubbing their growing erections together.

"We can here you!" James yelled from below. "You're lucky your mom's not home!"

Kendall let his lips free just long enough to yell back, "Don't give a fuck!"

And he truly didn't. He was about to make love to his boyfriend.


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay, so I lied. This is not the last chapter. There will be an epilogue!  
><strong>

**I apologize for the bad smut. 1) I wrote it at 3 a.m. last night 2) I don't want my story to get taken down.  
><strong>

**Thank you** KEALY KAMES, Techno01, I Love KL, xbigtimerusherx, Mr. President 64, xxilovekendallschmidtxx, LaurenBlack13, **and **EmilyHenderson99 **for your lovely reviews!****  
><strong>

**I would like to dedicate this chapter to my best** **friend, **LaurenBlack13. **She said this chapter made her sad! And, we have two days until our concert!**

**Enjoy!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>2014<strong>

Logan's eyes scanned the room, looking for anything that should have gone in a box or the garbage. When all he saw were his and Kendall's necessities, he sighed deeply.

So many great things had happened in this room. The memories started flooding in, almost taking him by surprise. He was really going to miss this room.

He was also really going to miss the Palm Woods. Some of their friends had already moved on, but this was his home. Whenever things were stressful at work, he always knew that the comfort of 2J was waiting for him.

LA was also on the list of things to be missed. The weather was always perfect. The entertainment was endless.

But nothing compared to the top thing – person – on his miss list. Sure, they had agreed that this was for the best, but that didn't make his heart ache any less.

"Logan?" the blond peaked through the door. "You almost ready to go?" When he saw the look on his boyfriend's face, he swiftly closed the gap between them. "Oh, Logie."

The brunette tried to blink the tears away, but it was too late. "Are you sure this is the right thing to do? I can just go to community college, and-"

He was cut off when lips gently touched his own. When they pulled away, Kendall sighed sadly. "You need to follow your dreams. I need to follow mine."

"What about our dreams?" Logan asked softly. "Together?"

Kendall locked his eyes with the chocolate brown. "We'll text and call and video chat. I'm not losing you, Logan Mitchell. No matter how many miles are between us, I will still call you my boyfriend."

"Most long-distance relationships don't work out," Logan argued.

"We will see each other again," Kendall whispered. "I promise."

Logan sighed, desperate to believe him. Kendall didn't promise lightly, though.

"And we have one more night together," the blond said, trying to smile. "I'll make damn sure it's one neither of us forgets."

Right now, that answer had to be good enough.

Taking a deep breath, Kendall grabbed Logan's hand. "Come on. We can't be late to our own farewell party."

…

Again, the brunette looked around his surroundings. James, Carlos, Katie, Mrs. Knight, and Kendall were around him, sitting in the fancy limo.

Thoughts of the past, the present, and the future floated around in his head, making a jumbled mess. Everything was so confusing and overwhelming right now.

"Logie, calm down," Kendall whispered, joining their hands. "You're going to have a panic attack."

Just that simple touch and those kind words did the trick. Well, he was still scared, but his feelings were now at bay.

Normally James or Carlos would make a comment about their public affection, but their hearts just weren't in it.

Logan's mind just let the thoughts come to him. He wanted to remember everything.

Right now, they were headed to Big Time Rush's farewell dinner party. Five years had passed since the band had formed, every year better than the next. The guys loved what they were doing. But, the band had dominated everything, making normal things in life more difficult. They rarely got to see their families, even Kendall. They worked day and night, trying to please their fans.

And please their fans they did. Two world tours and a third album were under their belts. Earlier that year, Big Time Rush had won two Grammy's: Best Pop Album and Best Pop Group Performance.

But after a while, they were just plain exhausted – mentally and physically. They absolutely loved what they did. However, it was time to be finished.

That decision was not one that was easily concluded. After the second world tour, they sat down with Gustavo and Griffin. Saying that meeting was difficult would be a complete understatement.

Yet, somehow they all agreed. Big Time Rush could keep going, doing more tours and making more music. But they all had other hopes and goals to accomplish. The band had run its course.

So here they were, on their way to Rocque Records, most likely for the last time. That thought set a wave of sorrow through the brunette. He glanced at Kendall again, who was staring out the window. His heart broke when he realized something again: tonight was the last night he would see his boyfriend for a very long time.

Tomorrow, the six members of the extended family were going their separate ways. Everything was in place to start the new chapters in their lives.

Kendall and his family were going back to Minnesota. Despite not playing rigorously, he had been asked to try out for the minor league.

Logan was going to Seattle, where he would attend the University of Washington. The plan of being a doctor was still as strong as it was five years ago.

James still wanted to continue singing, but he also wanted to teach it. So, he applied to Julliard so he could get the classical training; they accepted him right away.

Carlos had really found a passion in directing videos. In fact, he had come up with the concepts for the last four of their music videos. So, he was going to go to The Art Institute in Hollywood for filmmaking and directing.

They had all found their new direction.

This left one giant question: would Kendall and Logan stay together? They were going to be approximately 1,400 miles apart.

The couple agreed to try to make it work. They couldn't imagine life without their significant other.

The past two years had been completely magical. Yes, they got hate every day because they were dating. But Big Time Rush had gained so many new fans for being pro-gay.

Of course, trying to have a romantic moment in public was out of the question unless they wanted the world to know. Sometimes, that made their relationship a little strained. However, the couple rarely fought. Only one fight in August of 2013 was public knowledge; Logan had dumped his diet soda all over Kendall after said boyfriend had made a rude comment about submissive people. They quickly worked things out after that.

Logan didn't even notice that the limo had stopped. When he saw everyone start to get up, he took Kendall's hand. He would need him to get through the night.

Taking a deep breath, the couple walked into the building together.

The party itself was small; corporate and paparazzi dominated the guest list.

The six split up, going to different parts of the room.

The couple spotted Gustavo and Kelly sitting at a table in the back. Neither of them was speaking.

"Hey," Kendall mumbled when they reached the table.

The heavyset man just looked away, an unreadable expression on his face.

Kelly shrugged apologetically. "Why don't you guys mingle? Eat some food? The speeches will start in a minute."

Confused by Gustavo's reaction, the blond nodded and dragged Logan away. When they were away from the crowd, Kendall spoke.

"Well, that was weird," he commented, looking back at the table.

"I thought he had a heart," Logan replied softly. "I thought he was actually going to miss us."

"I guess we'll never understand him," Kendall said back. They shared a quick kiss.

After that, they went back into the crowd and mingled. Most people were sad to see the end of Big Time Rush. Maybe corporate people did have hearts.

Spotting James and Carlos by the food table, they went over there for a bit. At least the food was good.

"If everyone could take their seats, please," Kelly said into the microphone at the front of the room. "We're going to start the speeches."

The four quickly found where Mrs. Knight and Katie were sitting and joined them.

After the room settled, Kelly continued. "Okay, the first speaker is Mr. Arthur Griffin!"

The room clapped mildly as the CEO walked up to the microphone.

"Boys," Griffin started, "the past five years have been really interesting. You broke things, destroyed my beach house, and made me spend money on things that I never thought I would." He paused before continuing. "But in all my years of being CEO, I have never seen such a talented group. You made me a lot of money. You will be missed."

As he walked off, Griffin shouted to his assistant, "Get me some warm pants!"

Logan laughed as he clapped. Some things would never change.

"Okay, the other speaker is Gustavo Rocque!" Kelly said with more enthusiasm. The claps that followed were louder.

The four were really interested in what Gustavo would say. He didn't like to show emotion.

"Well, Dogs," Gustavo said into the microphone, "this has been a very stressful roller coaster. Never before in my life have I been so stressed. I have even caused earthquakes." He waited for the laughter to die down before speaking again. "But you know what? It was worth it. Honestly, you were the best band I have ever produced. We had some wild times together."

"I think," he said, "I'm going to miss you." And with that, the amazing producer who never showed any emotion started to cry.

Without thinking, Logan and the other three went to the front of the room and embraced Gustavo. This man uncovered their true abilities. He believed in them when no one else did. Yes, he was demanding and bossy and mean and rude… But he never lost hope in his Dogs.

As they hugged, some tears left the eyes of the four guys. Gustavo didn't even complain.

When they heard Kelly sob, they moved on to her. She tried to wave them away, but they hugged her anyway.

"Would you boys like to say anything?" Kelly managed to say, pointing to the microphone. When she received a nod, she escorted Gustavo back to their table.

Kendall went up to the microphone, Logan by his side. "First, we'd like to say thank you to Arthur Griffin and all of the people at RCM/CBT Globalnet Sanyoid. Thank you Gustavo and Kelly for being our extended family and never losing hope in us."

He looked around the room. "The next person we'd like to thank is my mom. She dropped everything to move out here with us and take care of three other boys that weren't her own. I love you, Mom!"

While everyone clapped, Kendall received a glare from Katie. Laughing, he said, "We also have to give thanks to my little sister, Katie. She helped us through a lot."

After the next round of applause, the blond continued. "We want to give a huge thank you to our fans. We never would have made it without them."

Kendall looked around. "I'd like to do some personal ones." He took a slight pause. "I want to thank James Diamond," he said glancing over at the pretty boy. "This was your dream. Thanks for pushing me to call Gustavo back."

The two friends hugged quickly.

"Next, I'd like to thank Carlos Garcia," Kendall continued. "Some of your schemes actually worked! And I'm glad you never got rid of your helmet."

"Thanks, man," the Latino replied as they shared a hug.

"And lastly, I'd like to thank my boyfriend, Logan Mitchell," the blond said, taking the brunette's hand. "You were always the logical one, making sure the four of us didn't do anything too crazy. You prevented a lot of hospital trips."

Logan blushed as Kendall kept speaking. "Logan, I also want to thank you for being such an amazing partner. I love you."

The couple shared a public-appropriate kiss. Throughout the room, people commented with some sort of version of 'aww'.

When they pulled away, Kendall asked the other three of they had any personals. Logan nodded, switching places with the blond.

"I speak for the three of us," the brunette said, "when we thank you, Kendall. You were always there when we needed you. You led us through the ups and downs. Even when you had your own troubles, you were always the leader."

After the applause, Logan said, "I also want to thank you for being there for me. You waited for me to be okay with coming out, even though you really wanted to. I know that we wouldn't be dating right now if we still lived in Minnesota. Thank you for pushing me in the right ways. I love you."

They kissed again before heading back to their table.

…

As soon as their bedroom door was shut and locked, their lips connected. It wasn't rough or sloppy; each kiss was filled with love and sorrow.

Logan tried not to look at the boxes and suitcases as they made their way to the bed, but he couldn't help himself. His heart ached at the thought of not seeing the blond, but the pain made the idea real. It was almost like he needed the reminder that this was the last time he could be intimate with Kendall for a very long time.

When the brunette came back to reality, he realized that he was under Kendall on his bed, his shirt already off. He looked up at his boyfriend, surprised to see him half-naked as well.

"Ken," Logan whispered, breaking the kiss, running his hands down the lean body. "Make love to me."

"Your wish is my command, love," Kendall murmured back, sitting back up. Slowly, ever so slowly, he unbuttoned Logan's pants, pulling them down, along with the boxers. He then bent down again, peppering kissing along Logan's stomach. When he reached the stiff member, he took the length in his mouth.

Gasping, Logan gripped the bed sheets. Even though they had been dating for almost three years, their sex life was still magical. The brunette was struggling to hold out. "Ken, stop," he moaned out. "I want you inside me.

The blond pulled off him and got off the bed. After he fully exposed himself, he retrieved the bottle from the end table and rejoined the boy waiting for him.

"I want to look at you," Logan said softly. "I want to remember this moment."

"Oh, Logie," the blond whispered, green eyes sparkling. Quickly, he lubricated his fingers and started to prepare the brunette.

After a moment, he retracted his fingers, deeming his boyfriend ready. He grabbed the bottle again, rubbing the slippery substance over himself. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed Logan and positioned himself over Logan's entrance. His one goal was to please Logan.

The blond let out a moan as he entered his boyfriend. Logan always felt so amazing around him. When he was all the way in, he waited for the okay to move.

Logan nodded, letting a few tears fall. These tears weren't from the pain; all of the emotions got to him.

Leaning down, Kendall wiped away the drops with his thumb. Only after all the tears were gone did he pull out and thrust back in.

They fell into a rhythm, both trying to say what they couldn't with words.

"Fuck!" The brunette cried out as Kendall hit his prostate, half in pleasure, and half in anger. He wanted this feeling to last forever.

With that signal, Kendall grabbed Logan's forgotten member and began to stroke it.

Logan arched his back, feeling that all-too-familiar sensation in his lower stomach. "Kendall, I'm gonna…"

"Let go, love," Kendall whispered, increasing his speed.

With that, Logan came, moaning out a mixture of cuss words and Kendall's name.

Seeing Logan let go caused Kendall to spill over the edge, giving him his much needed release.

After a moment, Kendall pulled out and collapsed next to Logan, trying to catch his breath. When he could finally breathe, he looked over to his side.

This time, Logan wasn't trying to hide it.

Sighing, the blond pulled his crying lover close. "Logie, it's going to be okay."

"I'm really going to miss you," Logan said, curling into Kendall's chest.

"I'm going to miss you, too," Kendall replied quietly, tears of his own falling. He started playing with the soft brown hair, trying to calm both of them down.

"I love you," Logan mumbled into the cloth. "Please don't forget that."

"Logan, I will always love you," the blond replied. "Even if I don't see you for a really long time, I will still love you."

"I'll still love you," Kendall whispered again in the darkness.

The two lied there, listening to each other's breathing, both dreading the inevitable.


	15. Epilogue

**Okay guys. This is it.  
><strong>

**I want to thank every single person that has reviewed, alerted, and favorited this story. I LOVE YOU.  
><strong>

**Thank you **kat4543, Xbigtimerusherx, Mr. President 64, KEALY KAMES, xxilovekendallschmidtxx, I Love KL, BTRusher27,** and **CorsomeeCorey** for your reviews on the last chapter! **

**Thank you for reviewing this final chapter, as I can't publicly thank your name in the next one!  
><strong>

**A very special thanks to **LaurenBlack13**! She's been with me through this whole story, and others. Thank you for letting me borrow your emotions, Ashley!  
><strong>

**I'm sorry this took so long to write. The thought of this being the last chapter made me sad!  
><strong>

**Don't worry guys! I'm working on another story that I'm sure you'll all LOVE!  
><strong>

**I keep saying this, but I really mean it: THANK YOU!  
><strong>

**Now, go forth and enjoy the Kogan!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>2022 (8 Years Later)<strong>

"Thank you for flying with us. We hope you enjoy your flight from Seattle to Minneapolis."

Logan Mitchell, now a man at 28 years of age, looked out the window. His stomach churned violently as he was reminded of where he was headed.

Sighing, he pulled out his cell phone to turn it off during the flight. Every time he looked at his wallpaper, his throat closed up as the memories came flooding back. But he could never bring himself to change it.

The picture was of him and Kendall the last time they were together. Seven years ago.

So much had changed.

Logan looked out the window again just as the plane started to push back, letting the memories take over for once.

In the beginning, they really tried to make their relationship work.

As soon as Logan was settled in his new dorm, he had pulled out his laptop and opened his recently made Skype account. Kendall was already waiting for him.

The days continued like this, both desperate to see and hear each other.

Freshman year of college was busy, and the training was daily, but they always made time for each other. Texts were sent rigorously. Lunch time consisted of a phone call. Every night, they video chatted. They were determined to make it work.

Their relationship made it through the first semester. Even during midterms and when practices were heavy, they kept the flame going.

Then, the hockey team started having games. Finals for the first semester were coming up. Both were so physically and mentally exhausted, so the video calls stopped.

The phone calls stopped a week before Christmas.

Kendall flew out to Seattle during their Christmas break, even though they only had five overlapping days. They were longing for actual physical touch, no matter how short the visit. Those five days were spent with just that.

Things were slightly rekindled after that. Hockey season was done and the beginning of second semester wasn't too rough.

But when schooling did pick back up, Logan buried himself in his studies. He would turn off his phone so there were no distractions. He figured the quicker he went through school, the quicker he would come to being with Kendall 24/7. In reality, he was just pushing the blond away.

The only time the two talked on the phone was to plan Logan's trip to Minnesota in June. That conversation lasted barely 20 minutes.

He wanted to reach out, talk to Kendall all night long, see that smile from more than a picture. Logan missed Kendall so much, but he knew that school had to come first. Once that was done, he could have his love.

In fact, the brunette had enrolled in some summer courses so he could keep going.

His heart had fluttered so much when he got off that plane and increased by the second as he looked around for Kendall. When he spotted the blond, he had started running, not wanting that distance between them any longer.

And oh, did he miss being embraced by those arms. They stood there, in the middle of the airport, not caring who stared. They were together again.

When they got in Kendall car, the blond immediately took a picture of the two. "Now we have an updated one!" he had said.

The plan was to spend seven whole days together. And while they did that, Logan was still working on his college studies. They only went out one night.

Each night was spent together in bed, but they only made love twice. Logan was always so exhausted from working.

Kendall never complained, but his attempts go get Logan to go out with him dwindled to none as the week wore on.

Still, Logan was shocked at the words Kendall spoke at the airport a week later. The blond had pulled away from their hug and said, tone expressionless, "I can't do this anymore, Logan."

Logan had looked up, eyes wide. "What do you mean?"

"I want all of you," he clarified. "I loved seeing you in person, but it really wasn't you. I want all of you or none of you."

The brunette looked into the sparkling green orbs, then back at the line that was shortening. "Kendall… I… I have a plane to catch."

"I get it," Kendall said. "You have to finish school." He looked away. "Go chase your dream."

Chest tightening, Logan turned away and headed towards the terminal. He didn't look back.

The plane ride back to Seattle was horrible. Logan had tried to hold back the tears, but the scene just kept replaying in his head. What had he just done? He just threw away the best thing – the best person – in his life.

His first thought when he got off the plane was to call him back, explain things better. But ultimately, what would that solve? He was still going to finish school. He was still going to become a doctor.

Kendall said he wanted all or nothing.

The next seven years were absolute Hell. More determined than ever, Logan pushed through school, getting his Master's Degree much quicker than the average student.

He didn't even try dating. No one would compare to the one moving on in Minnesota.

When he would talk to his mother, he would get updates about the certain male, but his name was never said.

More times than he could keep track of, he would reach for his phone, ready to dial the number and hear that voice again. But he had given up on fixing it.

Shamelessly, Logan watched every single game that Minnesota Wild played. Every time his face was shown, his heart ached and the tears started. But at least he got to see him, his physique slowly maturing through the years.

And through all those years, the background picture to his cell phone never changed, even through the upgrades.

Logan still had contact with Carlos and James. Neither of the two spoke of what had happened or mentioned the blond.

Thinking of Carlos and James brought Logan back to the present. He looked at his watch to see how much longer he would have to be in this metal trap with his memories. That answer was awhile.

When a position had opened at Duluth Hospital, Logan quickly took it. He wanted to be home again. Sure, this would increase his chances of seeing the blond, but he would deal with that then. Maybe this was the push that he needed after all these years.

Kendall had told him to chase his dream. And while he didn't plan on instigating a conversation or starting things up again, Logan knew one thing for sure:

Kendall was his dream.

…

**3 Days Later**

"Honey, did you know that he's back in town?" Jennifer said, Kendall hearing the hesitation in her voice through the cell phone.

"I know, Mom," he replied. "Carlos talked to him last night."

"Do you plan on seeing or talking to him?"

Sighing, he looked around his apartment. "It's been seven years. I'm fairly sure that that ship sailed long ago."

"Well, he's staying at Joanna's until he gets settled in at his job," Jennifer said.

"I gotta get ready for the game tonight," the blond said, knowing that was a complete lie. He just didn't want to talk about it – him – anymore. "I'll talk to you later."

"Be careful," she replied, knowing how dangerous his chosen profession was. Kendall rarely got hurt, but she still kept him in her prayers.

"I will, Mom," Kendall said. "I love you."

After hanging up, Kendall buried his face in his hands. Although he knew he'd never get over the brunette, he thought that maybe his heart could finally move on. But now Logan was back in town. The risk of seeing him in everyday life was too great. Maybe he would have to finally deal with this.

The past seven years had been absolute Hell. That day at the airport, the day he said goodbye to Logan, still replayed in his worst nightmares. But there was nothing he could do about it. Logan had made his choice, and Kendall would never dare get in the way of someone's dream. So what if Logan was his dream. Logan didn't want him anymore.

The blond had tried dating a couple of times through the years, but they never made it past the second date. No one could compare to his shy genius. In fact, his wallpaper on his cell phone was the last picture of them together, seven years ago.

Not once in seven years had they talked. But, his mom and Joanna were best friends, so he still got information on how he was doing.

His cell phone vibrating shook him out of his thoughts. It was a text message from Carlos, asking if the blond wanted to hang out with him and James.

Carlos was in town shooting a movie, using Minnesota as the remote area. Most people considered this unconventional, but he was an Academy Award-Winning director, often referred to the 'Latino James Cameron'. He chose this area so he could see Kendall and James again.

James, graduating from Julliard with top honors, moved back to Duluth to teach choir and drama. He was married; his wife, Lacee, was six months pregnant.

Both James and Carlos still talked to Logan. In fact, they planned on seeing him soon, as Carlos was leaving in two weeks. They had hoped that maybe the four of them could finally get together, but that plan was very frivolous.

Rubbing his face, Kendall sighed deeply. Now that Logan was back in town, the chance of seeing him was high. What if he saw him? What would he do?

He tried to rationalize. Logan obliviously didn't want to try to make amends. Of course, he never tried to fix it either. They were both at fault.

He decided that if – more likely when – he saw the brunette, he would deal with it then. Just thinking about him made his chest tighten. He needed to clear his head.

Looking at his cell phone for the time, Kendall decided that he really did need to get ready for the game.

…

Kendall felt it before it registered in his head what had happened.

"Ow!" he screamed, falling down, slamming against the ice. When he looked along himself, he saw that his left leg was bent at an odd angle.

"Knight!" he coach called out, him and the rest of his teammates rushing towards him. When he got to the downed body, he knelt down. "What has gotten into you tonight?"

The blond groaned. He knew exactly why he couldn't focus today. All throughout the game he had been distracted, and now he was probably injured.

"Can you move it?" his coach asked, motioning for the medics to come over.

Kendall tried, yelping out a "Shit!" when pain coursed through him.

"I think you broke it," Coach muttered. "You're going to the hospital."

"No!" the blond practically begged. "Let me try again!" If it was broken, he would be out for the rest of the season.

"Knight, you're my best player – and the captain! I want you to heal properly."

Knowing that his coach was right, he huffed. When the medics came out onto the ice, he didn't put up a fight. In fact, he was slightly embarrassed. This was on national television.

When he got to the hospital, the reality set in. What would he do for the rest of the season? This was only his second time being injured, the first only being a sprained ankle. I guess I'll just have to deal with it, he said to himself.

Being conscious and alert, they didn't rush him through the checks. His blood pressure was fine and his body temperature was exactly 98.6. Now it was time to look at his left leg.

"Dr. Mitchell will be with you shortly," the nurse said, pulling off the oxygen checker from his finger.

Kendall's heart legitimately stopped. When he could breathe again, he stuttered out, "Dr. Mitchell?"

The old woman smiled. "Yes, Dr. Logan Mitchell. He just started working here. He's great," she beamed. With that, she walked out of the small room.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.

Kendall gripped the bed, causing that plastic sheet over it to rip. He was going to see the brunette. The universe was finally forcing them together after all these years. He was going to see his Logan.

But what if Logan wanted nothing to do with him? What if-

The door to the room slowly opened. The too familiar dark-haired male in a lab coat walked in, focused on the chart in his hands. When those chocolate brown eyes looked up and met Kendall's, everything came rushing back. Time stopped.

"Kendall?" the doctor breathed out, eyes sparkling.

"Logan?" the blond replied, voice barely a whisper.

Not a second later, their lips were connected, so full of need and love. Each kiss said what they couldn't say out loud, only what they felt. The pure emotion racked their bodies.

Only when they pulled away for air did they realize that they were both crying.

"I'm an idiot," Kendall mumbled into the scrubs, "a fucking idiot."

"No," Logan replied, breathing in that scent that he so dearly missed. "I'm the idiot. I never should have gone on that plane."

"I pushed you away," the blond choked out. "I should've held on."

Logan grabbed onto the blond's chin, forcing them to lock eyes. "I should have held on. I love you."

"I love you, too."

With that, they reconnected their lips, continuing their silent conversation.

Kendall had ignored the pain from his left leg, adrenaline helping. But when he tried to move to get impossibly closer, it shot through him again. He bit his lip, stopping their make out session.

The brunette chuckled. "Ready to go get some x-rays?"

"What are you doing tonight?" Kendall asked. "When do you get off work?"

Smiling, Logan bent down to get the forgotten chart. "Actually, you're my last patient. Why?"

"Come to my apartment?" the blond smirked, a twinkle in his eye. "Catch up?"

"Let's see how broken your leg is first," he replied. "It pains me to say this, but no sexual activity."

"I'm perfectly capable of do sexual activity," Kendall retorted.

"Oh really?" the brunette laughed. "Then walk towards me."

Glaring, knowing that was impossible at the moment, Kendall sighed. "Fine."

Walking out, then coming back into the room with a wheelchair, Logan declared, "Let's go get some x-rays!"

…

After much protest from the blond, whose leg was definitely broken, he let Logan help him into his apartment. They ended up in his bed, snuggling carefully. With every touch, every kiss, they were reunited. And yes, it felt so good.

Simultaneously, both their cell phones rang. Kendall received a text from Carlos, asking if he wanted to hang out with him and James tonight. Logan received the same text from James.

"They were going to force us together, weren't they?" the blond asked, laughing. Some things never changed.

"Wanna get them back?" Logan smirked. They both replied with _We're a little busy right now. _After that, the cell phones were turned off. The caressing continued.

Random, light conversation happened here and there, mostly variations of "I love you" and "I missed you".

A little while later, as he played with the light-haired locks, Logan whispered, "I'm almost glad that we broke up. It made me really see how much I need you."

Kissing his temple, Kendall replied, "We didn't break up, Logie. It was only an intermission."

As that sentence settled in, they continued with finding each other again. They were going to be just fine.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you! I love you!<strong>


End file.
